• subtle erotic exercise
• magnificent sunburn
• the cute one
• then her hands and feet
• had to be drunk and in the dark

Tune in next time part 437      Click Here for Earlier Installments

The Contrarian way of annulling a blood feud starts off as a subtle erotic exercise, but if you do it right, you end up with nipples the color of a magnificent sunburn. There’s a lot of massaging to be done in very precise patterns, and each and every nip, nibble, and tweak must be performed in time to the chanting, and carefully counted. The notary keeps an exact tally of it all. Once the three witnesses all agree that the proper shade of red has been achieved, the cute one will decorate the female participant’s buttocks with the special ceremonial glitter that is kept in all Contrarian fortresses for use in such rituals, and then her hands and feet are likewise beglittered. The male participant (in this case, me)  is decorated with glitter of a contrasting color. It’s a very messy ceremony, as I’m sure you can imagine, but that’s what makes it exciting. Can you imagine how dull royal life would be if for every ceremony and ritual you had to be drunk and in the dark?

bonus points for using them in order

about stichomancy writing prompts

try our stichomancy writing prompt generator!

• pair of neon lips
• It was a baby boy
• to help a frantic man
• Even your fingernails
• logical career path

Tune in next time part 440      Click Here for Earlier Installments

Watching the glitter swirl down the shower drain in my luxurious private accommodations, I tried to imagine where I would be had I followed a logical career path after the Academy, or if I had never gone there at all. There are those who believe that your destiny is written into every part of your body, “Even your fingernails,” they would say, and to those people my musings would be misguided. To them, there never was any other possible course for my life.

The spiraling trail of glitter (how much of this stuff did they smear on me?) became a hypnotic galaxy as my mind frantically tried to fit all the pieces of my life together. But no mandala has ever been able to help a frantic man come to grips with his circumstances.

In the end, I came to understand the reason why I allowed myself to end up in so many bizarre predicaments. It was a baby boy, and his twin sister, and the several other infants who called me father. Well, they would when they started talking. Yes, fatherhood had become my reason for everything, trying to create good things for my children. Did it really make sense, then, for me to accept this assignment to a remote outpost? What was Fleur up to?

When I emerged from the spa-like washroom in my quarters, I found that a whole new uniform had been laid out for me, with a note tacked to it.

“General: this is your attire for tonight. As you have probably never presided over a Spring Scampering before, there will be someone ready to prompt you at the appropriate times. However, you should be on the lookout for counter-agents who might try to lead you astray. Take your cues only from the person wearing a pair of neon lips.”

bonus points for using them in reverse order

about stichomancy writing prompts

try our stichomancy writing prompt generator!

• called the “picker-upper thing”
• with considerably less pep
• “What do they look like, these eyeglasses?”
• my increasing cravings
• referred to as “mystery candy”

Tune in next time part 442      Click Here for Earlier Installments

William Penn XII sized me up in my new, white uniform and nodded wearily. “That’s right. I should have known this would happen if I showed up in last year’s accoutrements.”

A suspicion flared in my mind. “Did you try to usurp my part in the Spring Scampering?” He nodded again. “And the crowd turned on you?” He shook his head this time. I waited for him to explain his appearance.

“Rodney did this.” William went on to explain that only the fox seemed to care who was emceeing the event or how that person was dressed, and even though he used the special implement called the “picker-upper thing” when attempting to handle Rodney, matters quickly got out of hand. And so, a defeated William had limped out of the courtyard with considerably less pep than he’d entered it. Furthermore, when he suffered the laceration to his brow he also lost his glasses.

“What do they look like, these eyeglasses?” As far as I knew, William did not need glasses.

“They are very stylish,” he replied. “Frames covered with rhinestones, and mirrored lenses. They were necessary to satisfy my increasing cravings for fashion street cred.”

William Penn XII then droned for twenty minutes about his aim to found a designer clothing label specializing in accessories, which he referred to as “mystery candy” and described in tedious detail.

“Are you going to explain why you interfered with the ceremony?” I interrupted.

bonus points for using them in order

about stichomancy writing prompts

try our stichomancy writing prompt generator!

• nickname “Humbug Billy”
• the sacred ashes of her husband
• two filthy little monsters
• , just ask a librarian.
• forbade our illiterate children

Tune in next time part 444      Click Here for Earlier Installments

I followed William Penn XII through the winding passages of Enigma Fortress to a raised veranda overlooking the snow-clogged courtyard. As we stepped into view of the assembled spectators below, I learned that William’s stunt had earned him the nickname “Humbug Billy” and that he did not find it amusing.

But when I strode to the railing and held my arms aloft, the crowd cheered. Having no clue what my duties in the ceremony actually were, I sought my green-lipped advisor. She turned out to be YoYo, which shouldn’t have surprised me. She took her place behind my right shoulder and coached me what to declaim and which puppets I was supposed to use for emphasis on certain points.

I learned the folkloric origins of the Spring Scampering as I conducted the ceremony. A hedgehog seeking a place to store the sacred ashes of her husband‘s failed novel takes them to the library. This part of the story would feel normal to anyone raised in Contraria, where libraries customarily have a whole wing full of such urns and hedgehogs are generally held to be poor writers. The hedgehogs’ children were two filthy little monsters, which all Contrarian hedgehog children of myth seem to be, just ask a librarian. Rodney the fox represented Mr Hedgehog, who appears at the gates of the library to plead for his ashes back, being too ashamed of his work to let it be housed there. My job was to speak his lines, while he pantomimed the action down in the snow.

YoYo fed me the words and I spoke them in a booming voice. “Oh, noble keeper of the book-fortress, who forbade our illiterate children to scurry on the shelving, let me bury these pathetic cinders under a log as they deserve.”

But the librarian had other ideas.

bonus points for using them in order

about stichomancy writing prompts

try our stichomancy writing prompt generator!