Category: Stichomancy Prompts

I Narrowed My Eyes

  • by jenyours just happens to be immediately visible
  • we watched professional bowling
  • the bakers are in revolt
  • I’ve never been shushed by anyone other than my family
  • played German dodgeball

Tune in next time part 679      Click Here for Earlier Installments

I narrowed my eyes. “Everyone has ulterior motives, yours just happens to be immediately visible.” In truth I was sure only that there was an ulterior motive. The nature of it was anyone’s guess.

The sisters sighed in unison and stepped away from me. “He’s no fun,” they said to each other.

“If it’s fun you want, track down my dad. You seemed to have a good time with him.”

“With Jack?” asked Esmerelda. “We watched professional bowling, that’s all.”

“That wasn’t all,” I said. “I was there. I saw.”

“Don’t forget,” said Cleopatra, “we also talked about the dreadful state of the pastries. Esmerelda, you said, ‘It’s like the bakers are in revolt!’ and Jack said, ‘Actually the bakers are revolting.’ Remember how we laughed? That must be what he’s talking about.”

“I’m talking about how you were all naked and climbing all over each–”

“Shh!” both sisters hissed.

I’ve never been shushed by anyone other than my family. It startled me. If you’d ever been shushed by my family you’d know that it felt like you played German dodgeball for an hour. The precision and fury of their shushes was brutal and relentless, and often left bruises. But the shushes of these sisters were so different, so gentle. It was like a lover’s caress.

Which made it the perfect distraction. Why would they so vehemently deny their dalliance with my father when there was no one around to overhear?

bonus points for using them in order

about stichomancy writing prompts

try our stichomancy writing prompt generator!

The Person In Front of Me

  • by Kentour love is so intense, it’s insane
  • They even had to rewrite the jingle.
  • Oddly enough,
  • dissolves on the tongue
  • couches can be cleaned. Reputations are harder.

Tune in next time part 678      Click Here for Earlier Installments

The person in front of me and the person behind me both let out throaty, sensuous chuckles. In unison, they said, “The intensity of our love is so intense, it’s insanely insane.” I shivered. Then I remembered when I’d seen these sisters last, and I shuddered.

Pulling myself together, I asked, “Does Gordon know you’re here?”

Cleopatra shook her head. “He’s not my problem anymore. Now he’s in cryptocurrency commercials. They wanted to cast a pelican, but Gordon just had that goose x-factor. They even had to rewrite the jingle.”

“What are you doing here?” I could imagine many scenarios where they’d pose a threat to this airship, which was full of my offspring.

“Rescuing you, dipshit,” Esmerelda said. “Or did you want to go where your wife is taking you?”

“Oddly enough, I do not. But I also don’t trust you two.”

Esmerelda wrapped her arms around me, while Cleopatra stroked my cheek. Cleo said, “Where I come from, we have a saying for times like this. Always remember that life begins at 40, psilocybin dissolves on the tongue, and couches can be cleaned. Reputations are harder.”

“This alcove has no couches,” I said.

“There’s one at the petting zoo,” whispered Esmerelda.

bonus points for using them in order

about stichomancy writing prompts

try our stichomancy writing prompt generator!

“Is It Really You?”

  • by jencourtyards and catacombs
  • mesmerizingly sexy
  • “Bingo.”
  • “I wouldn’t dream of mocking you.”
  • and a throbbing hunger

Tune in next time part 677      Click Here for Earlier Installments

“Is it really you?” I asked. The coy nod I received in reply didn’t entirely convince me. Perhaps it was, perhaps it wasn’t. The only way to be sure was to follow when they darted away.

My quarry led me on a merry chase through the many courtyards and catacombs of the Contrarian Royal Airship. I find this sort of cat-and-mouse game mesmerizingly sexy, and was almost disappointed when I cornered them in an alcove between the sauna and the petting zoo.

“Bingo.” I don’t know why I said it.

My embarrassment must have shown on my face because my cornered prey said, “I wouldn’t dream of mocking you.” And then I felt hot breath on my ear and someone behind me whispered something that left me with more questions than answers, and a throbbing hunger. But not for food.

bonus points for using them in order

about stichomancy writing prompts

try our stichomancy writing prompt generator!

My Advice

  • by Kentzooming off into the sky
  • “Dreadful — dreadful!” said Jingle, looking very grave.
  • and while they smell terrible
  • the third sign was unmistakable
  • apparent vigor of her husband’s sperm

Tune in next time part 676      Click Here for Earlier Installments

My advice to anyone hoping to escape a chain of islands would be to make sure the zeppelin isn’t stuffed with crying babies before zooming off into the sky, and also to verify where it is exactly that you’re escaping to. Fleur had disappeared into the chaos of the Toboggan Club’s members and those members’ many babies. My attempt to calm them by informing them about reptiles was meeting limited success.

Another unfamiliar face approached carrying an infant. I refused to believe that I would forget so many women with whom I’d had children.

“I hope this doesn’t offend you,” I said. “But, what’s your name?”

She smirked. “My name is Jingle,” she hollered over the din. “And don’t worry, we’ve never met. I’m a nanny.”

“Thank goodness,” I yelled back. “Can you point me to the bridge? I really need to get off this thing before it returns to Contraria.”

“Dreadful — dreadful!” said Jingle, looking very grave. “I myself wouldn’t be going there if I weren’t so devoted to the children. I’ve learned to pick up on the signs that they’re fond of me also. The first two signs are of course smiling and clapping, and while they smell terrible I found the third sign was unmistakable — why, it’s how they show their utter dependence on me.”

Sensing I’d get no help here, I turned to seek a passageway that might lead to the vessel’s controls. What I found instead was the last person I expected to see, saying the last thing I expected to hear, although I should have learned by now not to be surprised.

“Makes you wonder what kind of wife would compile such a tribute to the apparent vigor of her husband’s sperm.”

bonus points for using them in order

about stichomancy writing prompts

try our stichomancy writing prompt generator!

The Airship was Traveling at a Furious Rate

  • by jenplease tell me why and how I’m wrong
  • tried to explain lizards
  • “Be cool my babies.”
  • using a demented baby voice
  • traveling at a furious rate

Tune in next time part 675      Click Here for Earlier Installments

The airship was traveling at a furious rate — furious for an airship anyway — taking me to the one place I most did not want to go. The children sensed my fear and all began to fuss. Acting quickly, before I was drowned out by a wave of caterwauling infants, I spoke loudly. Using a demented baby voice that never fails to get attention I said, “Be cool my babies.” And in the ensuing pause I tried to explain lizards to them. I don’t know why. It was just the first thing that popped into my head. When using the demented baby voice, tone matters much more than content. It might not be the best parenting technique in the world, and if you disagree with my methods please tell me why and how I’m wrong. But only if you have experience keeping a zeppelin full of infants happy and quiet.

bonus points for using them in reverse order

about stichomancy writing prompts

try our stichomancy writing prompt generator!

Being In That Room

  • by Kentwore better clothes than I
  • philandering with Vera
  • too late for lemonade, too early for whiskey
  • briny blue expanse
  • most terrifying place on Earth

Tune in next time part 674      Click Here for Earlier Installments

Being in that room with the Toboggan Club inspired many feelings. Conceited pride was in there, I must confess, but also a measure of chagrin at my own promiscuity. Also swirling in my heart were the emotions attached to each of the women themselves, which varied from wistfulness to affection to abject terror. And under all of it there was some anxiety about whether the vessel could remain aloft under the combined weight of all my baby-mamas. And all the babies!

Considering how many sources of pee, poop, and spit-up were present, the women wore better clothes than I would have chosen. Fancier ones, anyway. Someone I didn’t recognize cruised past, eyeing me malevolently over the curly hair of the toddler on her hip. Fleur caught my baffled look, and it made her laugh. “You don’t even remember philandering with Vera, do you?”

I looked at the woman again, and shook my head. “Are you sure all these ladies are on the level? Because I think I would recall Vera.”

The zeppelin began to move, and Fleur recited, “When it’s too late for lemonade, too early for whiskey, then it’s time to fly home.” She shrugged. “It rhymes in the original Contrarian dialect.”

I looked out the windows at the briny blue expanse beneath the airship. Had she just said “fly home”? If it was home to her, then to me it was the most terrifying place on Earth.

bonus points for using them in order

about stichomancy writing prompts

try our stichomancy writing prompt generator!

Weaponized Humor is Nothing to Laugh At

  • by jenwhat they called “The Toboggan Club”
  • the yeti cost you your leg
  • even her closest friends didn’t know
  • by all the females congregated therein
  • noisy sucking

Tune in next time part 673      Click Here for Earlier Installments

Weaponized humor is nothing to laugh at. “Two Peanuts Walking Down the Straße” had been banned by the Helsinki Convention after Svenborgia used it to devastating effect in their skirmishes with the Pirate-Ninja Alliance. And now I was in charge of Contraria’s humor divisions. It was a heavy burden. I looked forward to my promised shower as a place to clear my mind, even though zeppelin plumbing is well-known for the noisy sucking sounds it makes.

On the way to our royal suite, Fleur took me to see our children. My excitement upon entering the nursery was dampened by the leering looks thrown at me by all the females congregated therein. They were all women who had borne me children, and it was quite alarming to see them all in one place. Isolde was there, surrounded by the squadron of babies she’d delivered at Enigma Fortress. Fleur told me that even her closest friends didn’t know for sure how many there were.

YoYo was there, too, the Yodeler from the Mountain Garrison who swore up and down she didn’t believe in twins. I wondered how she’d coped when she delivered the pair in her lap, but before I could ask I noticed that she now only had one leg. When the children were conceived she’d definitely had two.

She saw where I was looking and said, “Yeti attack.”

“The yeti cost you your leg?” That seemed highly unlikely since the “yetis” of the Paradoxica Region were just people in yeti costumes.

There were other women, too. Too many to take in. Fleur told me they were all members of what they called ‘The Toboggan Club”.

“Get it?” my wife asked. “Toboggan. Because they all took a ride.”

bonus points for using them in reverse order

about stichomancy writing prompts

try our stichomancy writing prompt generator!

The Alchemist Threw Valentina

  • by Kenthis itty bitty mustache
  • about as plush and inviting as a youth hostel
  • buy my ovum for $50,000
  • you’ll start hearing it in your sleep
  • what you might call “granola,”

Tune in next time part 670      Click Here for Earlier Installments

The Alchemist threw Valentina a nervous look, then met my glance and held one finger up to his itty bitty mustache, which was about as plush and inviting as a youth hostel‘s bath mat. The pantyhose interfered with my nasal functions too much for me to smell anything at all, but I started to suspect that my would-be rescuer might be giving off some kind of funk, and it was making Valentina suspicious.

“Oh, this is my jam!” someone yelled out in the street. An unseen car’s stereo system suddenly pummeled the chalet with horribly distorted bass notes. Then a familiar voice joined the noise — my twin brother belting out the only wedding rap that he’d ever charted with.

She said let’s get hitched up by some dude with priestly collars,
“Less you wanna buy my ovum for $50,000!”

“Ugh,” cried Valentina. “Make them turn it down!”

That’s the thing about any of Jason’s ditties. Let it play for ten seconds, and you’ll start hearing it in your sleep. The song kept blaring.

The cake is all made out of what you might call “granola,”
cause you didn’t bribe the baker $50 like I told ya!

bonus points for using them in order

about stichomancy writing prompts

try our stichomancy writing prompt generator!

I Whispered to the Alchemist

  • by jenwherever he’s hiding
  • “To be continued,” she said
  • lizard person in a human suit
  • It sure was memorable
  • smell anything out of the ordinary?

Tune in next time part 669      Click Here for Earlier Installments

I whispered to the Alchemist, “I’m sure we’ll find him, wherever he’s hiding.” Whichever of my brothers the Alchemist was horny for, I wouldn’t be making introductions. But he didn’t know that, and I might be able to use him to make my escape before he figured that out.

The Alchemist jerked into action. “I have to get this man to a hospital!”

“What’s the problem?” Valentina’s husband asked from the ceiling.

The Alchemist dropped me a creepy wink, and said, “Acute slug poisoning.”

Valentina leaned down and squeezed my junk. “To be continued,” she said. “As soon as you get medically cleared.”

The Alchemist pulled a collapsable gurney from his kit and assembled it with a few flicks of his bony wrists. As he settled me on it and strapped me down, he gave another laborious wink, and quickly swiped his lips with his tongue like he was a lizard person in a human suit. It sure was memorable, much to my dismay.

He started wheeling me toward the door. Before we made our exit into the snow, though, Valentina said, “Hang on. Does anyone else smell anything out of the ordinary?”

bonus points for using them in order

about stichomancy writing prompts

try our stichomancy writing prompt generator!

The Passion of Valentina’s Kiss

  • by Kentthe stroke that a dog uses when swimming
  • which we call the Alchemist
  • bring his microphone and a recording device
  • Tall, pale, and lanky
  • “You know, the sexy one.”

Tune in next time part 668      Click Here for Earlier Installments

The passion of Valentina’s kiss was impressive, and it would have been quite enjoyable if her tongue action weren’t cramming a big wad of nylon down my throat. As my oxygen levels dropped, I tried to fight her off with motions that must have resembled the stroke that a dog uses when swimming.

I blacked out momentarily, and came to in the middle of a mob of EMTs. As my head cleared I realized that they were just the same ninja production assistants from before, except one guy with a stethoscope.

“This is our on-set medical coordinator,” Valentina informed me from somewhere nearby but outside my peripheral vision. “A job which we call the Alchemist because of some silly union thing. Whenever he comes in on a call, he has to bring his microphone and a recording device as well as his first-aid stuff. It’s in the bylaws.”

The Alchemist was a distinctive person. Tall, pale, and lanky, with long braids like a macrame plant hanger. He leaned down to apply the stethoscope, but that was just a cover for his true goal of whispering in my ear. “Do you think you could introduce me to your brother?” he asked breathily. “You know, the sexy one.”

bonus points for using them in order

about stichomancy writing prompts

try our stichomancy writing prompt generator!