Tagged: scifi

Anna Switched Off the Rerun of Gilligan’s Island

  1. by jenCharacter – Anna Graham
  2. Setting – Gilligan’s Island
  3. Object – handgun
  4. Situation – attic full of surprises

Anna switched off the rerun of Gilligan’s Island and stood at the bottom of the stairs. From behind the closed attic door came an incessant whirring noise. What was Telly up to now?

“Hey, Anna,” he shouted down to her. “Come on up! I have something incredible to show you!”

Anna sighed. Telly was always convinced that his latest invention was going to solve all their financial problems, but so far he hadn’t gotten a single patent. Anna slowly climbed the 12 stairs and opened the door.

“Surprise!” Telly yelled. He flipped the lights off and on several times and beamed at her. He wore his ratty t-shirt with the picture of the hand gun on it, surrounded by all the roses.

“Yes?” she asked.

“This will put Telly Graham Labs on the map!” he said, waving some sketches at her.

Anna glanced at the papers, but could not decipher them.

“What is it?” she asked. “And what is that sound?”

“Oh, that’s the cold fusion reactor. I need to figure out a way to cut down on the noise before I market it. But look at this! This is it! We’ll be rich!”

“Telly, honey, I can’t understand it.”

“It’s an in-the-peel orange juicer! We’ll be rich!”

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“Welcome Back”

  1. by jenCharacter – inventor of the spank-o-matic
  2. Setting – the Ghost Planet
  3. Object – a single electron
  4. Situation – lost piece of jewelry

“Welcome back to Space Ghost Coast to Coast. I’m your host, Brak. Space Ghost is busy right now, so he can’t sit behind the desk.”

“He’s busy being spanked,” Zorak said. Then he laughed gratingly and blinked audibly. “Pa-dunk.”

Moltar pulled some levers and showed a replay of the first guest segment.

Space Ghost is heckling a nebbishy-looking guy about his invention, the Spank-O-Matic. Space Ghost cannot grasp the concept. The man, Phil, invites Space Ghost to try his invention and Space Ghost falls for it. Once Space Ghost is all strapped in, Phil removes his mask and reveals himself to be Zorak.

Canned laughter plays while Space Ghost is spanked.

Moltar pulled some more levers and showed Brak attempting to interview a single electron. The electron was getting the better of him.

Zorak ducked down inside his pod and popped back up holding an earring.

“Hey, Zorak,” said Moltar. “What’re you doing with Black Widow’s earring?”

“Umm. Err,” Zorak mumbled.

Canned laughter accompanied a knowing look between Brak and Moltar.

Zorak blushed.

Run credits.

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But it’s research!

r-avatarThe new book, like its predecessor, is turning out to require significant research. Whereas the previous one was set in a real city, which meant we needed to get the details right, the new one registers a greater hardness on the sci-fi scale. That means more technical details to get right. So far we’ve needed in-depth information about algaculture, DNA chemistry, prison architecture, and single malt Scotch. (Not to mention a few Russian phrases.*)

This has led to a sense of bafflement at the idea of trying to accomplish anything without the Internet. But if Kent doesn’t soon get some sense of proportion about things, he might have to do just that. Jen threatens to turn off his Internet access a couple of times per week, in hopes of getting him to focus on the actual writing.

Being able to do research on any topic right from your desk saves hours that would otherwise go into trips to the library and other activities. It frees you to do spur of the moment “research” on any incidental question or topic the moment it arises, so you needn’t plan ahead what subject areas to explore.

The downside is that when research is so available it becomes a slippery slope. One quick search for the names of the four whisky producing regions of Scotland turns into a whole afternoon of reading articles, studying maps, and of course shopping for the perfect dram (something just a wee peaty). Staying productive means having the discipline to get in and out of research mode efficiently. In a collaboration, sometimes one partner needs to give the other a nudge back toward the manuscript.

How do you approach research for your fiction? How do you know when you’ve collected enough information to write your technical scenes convincingly?

*Oops! Now we’ve given away the whole plot!

Morton’s Eyesight

  1. Character – pedophile
  2. Setting – hotel under the face on Mars
  3. Object – blood splatter
  4. Situation – swarming insects

Morton’s eyesight was getting dim for some time before he realized there was anything wrong. He felt safe in his suit, foolishly, and just kept trudging along through the locust swarm. But Martian locusts have razor-sharp wing sheaths and one of these had sliced the airhose. One then clipped his arm, cutting suit and skin, and spilling Morton’s blood on the red planet.

These hikes were supposed to be safe. Those kids left the hotel with no more protection than him, their darling little suits making their movements all the more endearing.

But after tailing them for only ten minutes, he’d lost them.

Morton slumped to his knees, and then keeled over onto his back. His face looked remarkably like the satellite images on the hotel stationery.

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Ursula Carefully Examined

  1. Character – “Bounty” hunter
  2. Setting – vestibule of the time travel agency
  3. Object – compact
  4. Situation – the llama escaped!

Ursula carefully examined the image in her compact. She switched it to conventional mode, and checked her reflection. She looked hot.

Six Einsteins were quarreling with the receptionist, insisting that it doesn’t work like this. A separate window had been opened for the retrograde travelers, staffed by an agent who was fluent in Backwards.

You’ve made quite a mess this time, Llama, but your scheme to escape through time will be your own undoing.

This was a job for the Quicker-Picker-Upper.

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“I Knew I Should Have”

  1. by jenCharacter – Typhoid Stanley
  2. Setting – the caves of Neptune
  3. Object – scissors
  4. Situation – lost

“I knew I should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque,” muttered Stanley.

He peered through the windshield at the luminous blue-green walls surrounding the hoppercraft.

Mary sighed heavily. He knew what she was thinking. Another Typhoid family vacation ruined.

“I’ll ask where we are,” he said, and stepped outside. He stretched his tentacles and floobled over to the information kiosk.

“The Caves of Neptune Welcome You,” he translated the sign.

Stanley sighed and floobled back to the hopper.

“We’re lost,” he said. “That’s the last time we let Junior play with the scissors and the map.”

Xyblorgyz Peered At His Ticket

  1. by jenCharacter – alien
  2. Setting – dry dock
  3. Object – one-way plane ticket
  4. Situation – obscene phone call

Xyblorgyz peered at his ticket. Murmansk. One way. It was the closest he could get to Tunguska. He hoped he wouldn’t miss his train connection. The shuttle to the mother-ship wouldn’t wait for stragglers.

But where was Niplodiuma? She should have been here by now.

Xyblorgyz’s digits fumbled with the tiny buttons as he tried to reach her on her Earthling cellphone.

“Hello?” said the female voice that answered.

“Plody, it’s me. Where are you?” he said in their native Centroplaxis tongue.

“Oh gross!” the female voice said. “You obscene phone callers need to get lives!”

That definitely wasn’t Plody. Xyblorgyz looked around at his fellow passengers. They were all brawny, sweaty, and wearing work gloves. How odd. His phone rang and Xyblorgyz answered it.

“Blorgy! Where are you?” It was Plody. “They’ve begun boarding!”

Xyblorgyz looked around.

“Not where I am.”

“Where are you?” She sounded frantic.

Xyblorgyz checked his translator. “Dry dock.”

“Blorgy! I told you to get that thing fixed! A dry dock is not the same as an airport!”

Xyblorgyz looked around in shocked horror.

“Oh, frazglark!”

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Philip Stared Down The Barrel

  1. by jenCharacter – gay bike messenger
  2. Setting – shooting range
  3. Object – one-way plane ticket
  4. Situation – first day with the new brain

Philip stared down the barrel of his .357. Unlike the other alleys at the shooting range, his target wasn’t a human silhouette; it was a plane ticket. A one-way plane ticket to San Francisco.

BLAM!

The ticket made a very small target, and Philip missed wide to the left.

His coach, Bernard, clapped him on the shoulder. “Don’t worry, Phil. Everyone has trouble their first day back. That new brain will take some breaking in, but soon enough you’ll be back to your old self.”

BLAM!

Too high, and still wide to the left.

Philip wondered whether he’d ever really be back to his old self. His old self was proudly queer and ready to move to The Castro with Jerome. He already had a job lined up as a bike messenger. But then, that horrible day as a bike cop during the riot, taking a keg to the head. The brain transplant. Philip wondered if he’d ever feel gay again.

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“You Don’t Have To Whisper”

  • ten seconds and counting
  • a sleek little black bra
  • maple-leaf-red hydraulic oil
  • the color of urine on snow
  • you don’t have to whisper, boy
  • “Squishy.”
  • though they had no sex

“You don’t have to whisper, boy,” growled Titania.

“Squishy.” Felix averted his eyes, trying not to look at Titania in nothing but hotpants and a sleek little black bra, seeing instead the puddles of machine fluids: maple-leaf-red hydraulic oil and coolant the color of urine on snow.

“Sorry, pneumatics are out of adjustment.” Titania strutted over to the air compressor and applied the nozzle to her various pulchritude valves.

Felix longed for the time before she was fully assembled, when he could caress her components on his terms. Now, though they had no sex, his soul flooded with guilt for even seeing her, for looking upon her animation.

“Gratification sequence initiated,” Titania purred. “Ten seconds and counting.”

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Leonard is a Strange Person

  • by jenthe kitchen will have been aired out
  • I’ve been up for x-rays
  • making it a family affair
  • had seen that ghostly face!
  • until it was eleven
  • Leonard is a strange person

Leonard is a strange person. How I wish I never had seen that ghostly face! But see it I did on that fateful February day, along with my wife, my sister-in-law, and my six nephews, making it a family affair.

I’ve been up for for x-rays numerous times since in a futile attempt to discern what Leonard did to us, but so far the doctors have been unable to offer a diagnosis.

Whatever Leonard, that strange person, did it caused us all to become confused about our favorite television programs, and is most confounding.

My poor wife will open the kitchen window for a moment to clear the smell of frying sausages, but will become distracted pondering whether she prefers David Letterman or Conan O’Brien, and by the time she figures it out the kitchen will have been aired out until it was eleven degrees!

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