Tagged: mistaken identity

“I Never Signed a Release”

  • “Is that typically what your family does?”
  • don’t worry about appearing déclassé
  • the entire point of having identical twins
  • allergic to paprika
  • the nine interlocking triangles

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“I never signed a release,” I said. “And I never will. You can’t put me on your sordid reality show.” I duck-walked closer to the fire to warm myself. “My family’s lawyers would eat you alive.”

“Is that typically what your family does?” Dr Ferguson asked. “Sic cannibalistic lawyers on people?”

“Yes,” I said. The more lucid I became, the more convinced I was that the “blanket” I had been draped in actually belonged to moose I rode in on. After telling myself “Don’t worry about appearing déclassé — these people have already seen everything,” I tossed it aside and moved still closer to the fire.

As my buns toasted, a devious thought occurred to me. “On second thought, I will sign that release.” Or at least Jason would. If my family proved anything, it was that the entire point of having identical twins is so they can impersonate and incriminate each other. When even our own mother couldn’t remember which of us was allergic to paprika, there was no way Jason could prove it wasn’t him on the video. “And after I sign, you’ll take me to the airport. I need to get off this island.”

One of the many production assistants suddenly milling around handed me a clipboard, and I drew the nine interlocking triangles that were Jason’s signature. I chuckled to myself and thought, “Enjoy the notoriety, brother!”

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