“And If I Didn’t Know Better”

  • by Kentgonna really blow some minds, man
  • He doesn’t want your thanks. He wants your blood.
  • full of neon fish
  • kick to the shins from some little cretin
  • payback in the form of buying dozens of turtles

Tune in next time part 896      Click Here for Earlier Installments

“And if I didn’t know better,” I said, pausing to groan and rub my temples, “I’d think you wanted to be seduced.” The alluring grin I attempted at the end was probably spoiled by the way I squinted in pain from the dim light in Fleur’s quarters.

Her delighted little hoot of amusement made me flinch. “Just get dressed!” she said firmly but not angily. Where my wife is concerned, “but not angrily” is about the best you can hope for.

The uniform confounded me, and not just because of my hangover. The fabric must have had a convoluted backstory involving textile shortages, betrayal, and payback in the form of buying dozens of turtles then forcing someone to watch what was done with them. At least the trousers would serve me well if I took a kick to the shins from some little cretin, or even a fairly big one. The belt was heavy and transparent, containing water full of neon fish (another chapter in the sordid backstory?). But the most impressive and puzzling part was the hat. It was something to be worn by a very specific type of lunatic. The type who runs you off the road and then comes back to rescue you from the wreckage. The type who scares off the other lunatics, but you shouldn’t be grateful. He doesn’t want your thanks. He wants your blood. I hoped he didn’t want his hat back.

When I was at last fully attired, Fleur sized me up. “We’re gonna really blow some minds, man.”

bonus points for using them in reverse order

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