Tagged: bubblier

Isolde Ignored Fleur’s Command

  • by jenThank god for vinyl upholstery.
  • time flows uphill
  • The same, of course, is true of bandits.
  • forced to eat snow
  • yelled what was obviously an insult

Tune in next time part 743      Click Here for Earlier Installments

Isolde ignored Fleur’s command and just stood in the bathroom doorway.

“Go! To! The! Bridge!” Fleur repeated, punctuating each word with a hearty splash of bathwater. “Take! Me! To! Prague!” Isolde dodged, and most of the water landed on my bedroom furniture. Thank god for vinyl upholstery.

Isolde finally said, “Fine!” and stomped away. She called back over her shoulder, “But you’ll regret it when you remember who lives in Prague these days!”

Fleur was quivering with indignation. While she seethed and grumbled about her sister’s insubordination, I signaled Tessa to get a quick breath of air. Hopefully I would be able to get my wife out of the tub before we reached the Czech Republic. Who knew how long the side-trip would take us? When you’re on a zeppelin time flows uphill, or so it seems. The same, of course, is true of bandits. On a zeppelin, bandits always flow uphill. But you knew that.

“Regret!” Fleur cried belatedly. “Regret! We’ll see who has regrets, dear sister, when you’re forced to eat snow!” And then she yelled what was obviously an insult.

“Maybe you should go with her and make sure she tells the pilot the correct thing,” I said, while wondering who Isolde had been talking about. Who, exactly, lives in Prague these days?

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“Surely Your Show Didn’t Do Worse”

  • by jenwhen you punch a comet
  • knitting at a fast and skilled pace
  • Perhaps it’s a signature talisman
  • “With an accent like that I’ll believe anything he tells me.”
  • filled with snow and lumps of ice

Tune in next time part 739      Click Here for Earlier Installments

“Surely your show didn’t do worse than When You Punch a Comet,” I said. That was the worst performing program in Contrarian television history, which is saying a lot. Contraria’s space program was nowhere near ready to send boxers into orbit, and the whole thing had been a big snore. Just an endless succession of training montages interspersed with footage of old women knitting at a fast and skilled pace as they raced to complete the spacesuit prototypes. One of the boxers carried around a goat bone. Perhaps it’s a signature talisman for his family, I don’t know. But it was very off-putting. None of the trainers would work with him. Fleur and Isolde’s father, the Warlord of Contraria, was ready to fund a second season until the head of NASA talked him out of it. The Warlord said, “With an accent like that I’ll believe anything he tells me.” (He had a weird thing for Americans.) “And he tells me not to waste my money, so there you go.” In the finale, the boxers did not go to space, which was a good thing because they would undoubtedly have died in their knitwear spacesuits. Instead of a comet with its icy tail, they punched a giant plastic bag filled with snow and lumps of ice.

“That was Harry’s favorite show,” Isolde said with a shake of her head.

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Being A Father Wasn’t My Life’s Dream

  • by jenbarreled into fatherhood
  • collecting the frog juices
  • slobbering over himself
  • good old-fashioned jealousy
  • got engaged two weeks after her sister

Tune in next time part 737      Click Here for Earlier Installments

Being a father wasn’t my life’s dream. I’d always had a take-it-or-leave-it attitude about kids, and yet I barreled into fatherhood with such reckless abandon I had no idea whether this baby in the adorable little gold booties was one of mine.

Fleur lifted the infant she held out of the water with one hand and patted its diaper with the other. “Good thing he’s got this collecting the frog juices.” She chuckled. She was more stoned than I’d ever seen her.

The baby in my lap was slobbering over himself, fist crammed in his mouth. “Better slow down on the cheese, Fleur, or soon you’ll be drooling like this little guy.”

As I expected, this made her immediately reach for the cheese. While she was distracted I signaled to Tessa that she could come up for air.

“What is Isolde doing here?” she demanded in a whisper. If I didn’t know better I’d think my sweetie was suffering from good old-fashioned jealousy. Strange that it wasn’t my wife that brought it out in her, but my sister-in-law. But then I remembered that Tessa and John got engaged two weeks after her sister Tallulah married my brother Thor, which made her my sister-in-law. Was my sister-in-law’s sister also my sister-in-law?

I shook my head to clear it. I hadn’t even eaten any of the camembert and I was still getting fucked up just being near it.

I heard Isolde returning, presumably with towels.

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“We’ll Eat the Cheese Together in the Bath”

  • by jenanother few weeks of gliding
  • starting to look a little naked
  • It was a gorgeous day and the birds were chirping
  • and a middle finger
  • a ninety percent chance of success!

Tune in next time part 733      Click Here for Earlier Installments

“We’ll eat the cheese together in the bath, Lady and the Tramp-style,” Fleur declared. “It’ll be messy, but there will be plenty of time to clean up. It will take another few weeks of gliding through the skies before we arrive in Contraria.”

The little bell beside the dumbwaiter dinged. Fleur opened it and pulled out a very runny wedge of creamy, stinky Camembert. She balanced it on the edge of the tub and slipped her robe off. “I’m starting to look a little naked,” she said as she stepped in beside me.

It was a gorgeous day and the birds were chirping in the zeppelin’s aviary, and a middle finger was lifted by fate in my direction. Luckily the bathtubs on Contrarian Royal Airships are quite large. I managed to keep myself in the middle, between the two women, and so far Fleur had not noticed Tessa’s presence. If the THC content of the cheese was high enough and I got Fleur to eat enough of it quickly enough, my plan to protect Tessa stood a ninety percent chance of success!

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