Amanda Has Not Moved

  • nothing at all unusual in thisk-avatar
  • countless x-rays
  • normally so motionless
  • the stench of rotten fish
  • the files of the child welfare committee

Amanda has not moved in 17 hours.

There is nothing at all unusual in this, as she is normally so motionless that birds alight on her head and moss grows on her toenails. What is a bit unusual is that the stench of rotten fish hasn’t prompted her to relocate.

The tips are good down here at Fisherman’s Wharf, but not that good. And the freak tide, with its concomitant aroma, has chased off all the tourists anyway.

Amanda’s silver body paint reflects most of the solar heat, but also inhibits perspiration. She must be uncomfortable. She faces the promenade, with Alcatraz in the background. A living photo-op.

Enduring countless x-rays as a little girl must have trained her to keep still. The reason for all those medical images is sealed away in the files of the child welfare committee.

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He’s the Kind of Guy Who Keeps a List of Judicial Candidates

  • by jenhas her gargle with salt water
  • a jar of warm sputum
  • judicial candidates with humorous names
  • and then he’d wave
  • the Swiss bank account of a total stranger

He’s the kind of guy who keeps a list of judicial candidates with humorous names to choose his aliases from. The kind of guy who takes his date to an orgy, but then has her gargle with salt water before he’ll kiss her afterwards. He probably collects it so that he has a jar of warm sputum to remember her by. And then he’d wave and send her off into the night on her own so that he could sit at his computer and try to hack his way into the Swiss bank account of a total stranger. In other words, he’s just like all the rest. OKCupid sucks.

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Felicity and Smedley 4evah!

r-avatarAs we mentioned previously, we recently spent a few days sprucing up the blog. While reading through all of the Monday and Wednesday posts where we share our bizarro microfiction writing prompts, we learned something uncomfortable about ourselves. Namely, that we favor a certain breed of names. They tend to be old-fashioned and a bit snooty, at least to our ears. Felicity is used most often, by both Jen and Kent. Is it the same Felicity each time? That seems unlikely, and it’s probably safer to say no. If it was always the same Felicity, that would probably nudge Jen back toward the quagmire of trying to concoct one epic plot that could encompass everything. That way madness lies.

No, it’s better to not impose order, even if it means living in a world populated with many a Felicity, Winifred, and Gertrude, and their boyfriends, Smedley, Archibald, and Reginald.

We also have a penchant for saddling couples with matching names: Emilio and Emily, Phil and Felicia, Felix and Felicity.

Regular readers of the Skelleyverse will know that Jen is almost entirely in charge of naming the characters in our novels. In light of that, it was interesting to see proof that, when winging it, she makes choices just as questionable as Kent’s.

“Are You Telepathic?”

  • k-avatarand feeling for a zipper
  • and a felt hat like a helmet
  • Are you telepathic?
  • Better than getting drunk!
  • the finest esprit de corps the world has ever known
  • Also 50 yards of extension cord

Are you telepathic?

“No, why do you ask?”

“Because if you were, I wouldn’t have to waste time speaking aloud. But, unless you’re hiding your true abilities behind a bland denial, I suppose speech is going to be necessary.”

“Does anyone ever say yes?”

“One man did once, and elderly fellow with a bow tie and a felt hat like a helmet. I thought about cars at him, and he stumbled away swearing and feeling for a zipper. So I think he was lying.”

“How about you? Can you read minds?”

“Sometimes. Better than getting drunk! But I need two live doves to make it work. Also 50 yards of extension cord.”

Telepaths have the finest esprit de corps the world has ever known.

“I quite agree.”

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Trudy Looked at the Pamphlet

  • by jenIs your skin too loose?
  • as double-jointed as a trained mime
  • biting her lip furiously
  • the lewd cartoon
  • he blushed like a boy
  • toxic sludge in the neighborhood

Trudy looked at the pamphlet in her hand, biting her lip furiously to keep from smiling. Ever since the EPA found toxic sludge in the neighborhood, they’d been getting stuff like this in the mail – offers for all kinds of services that would solve all of their alleged problems.

Is your skin too loose?” was the headline on this one. Trudy handed it to her father who opened it to read the details. As he scanned he blushed like a boy.

Trudy looked over his shoulder to see what the problem was. Presumably it was the illustration that embarrassed him so. The lewd cartoon depicted a woman as double-jointed as a trained mime who was demonstrating just how loose her skin was.

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Who Said That?

r-avatarAchieving a unified and consistent voice is a key issue for co-authors. Some might find ways to let their individual styles show through without becoming a distraction, but Rune Skelley strives for a single voice in the finished novels.

That’s with the novels. In the writing prompts on this blog, that’s not the case. Not the case at all.

Our comprehensive circumnavigation of the Skelleyverse over New Year’s was more of a learning experience than anticipated. We wrote the stuff, howsoever long ago, so we expected to have a pretty good handle on what it contains. Ah, well.

We couldn’t even always tell which were Kent’s handiwork and which were Jen’s, based on the content. (We kept the hand-written originals, and the penmanship or its lack gives us a definitive ruling.) It’s a bit of an odd experience to read forgotten words that came from your own pen. It’s even weirder to read a passage thinking you wrote it, and then be informed that it was in fact the other person in the room with you.

A similar thing happens with the collaboratively written material, sometimes. Specifically, Kent has a tendency to forget who wrote which parts of the novels. He must admire Jen’s prose, because invariably we discover the mixup when he tries to take credit for stuff she actually wrote.

Our standard of quality includes, among other things, making sure our critique group can’t spot the seams between Kent’s and Jen’s sections. The fact that one of the authors loses track of them is a very good sign that we’re achieving a unified voice.

“Really, Winifred”

  • k-avatarfrom your clogged and sputtery pen
  • “It’s a farmer’s job.”
  • The goat raised her head
  • Like kittens about to ignominiously drowned
  • Russia, without a doubt
  • “Really, Winifred,”
  • Agriculture is a broad field
  • carefully maneuvered herself between Angel and Will

“Really, Winifred,” Walter sighed. “It’s a farmer’s job.”

Winifred smirked. “It’s like you always say, though. Agriculture is a broad field. Why shouldn’t a broad stand out in it?”

The goat raised her head, then carefully maneuvered herself between Angel and Will, the pair of mastiffs who kept order in the chickenyard. Walter scratched his chin, looking from the goat to his wife and back. “Okay,” he finally agreed.

Glee made Winifred’s eyes into tiny, happy animals. Like kittens about to be ignominiously drowned. Walter knew she would soon beg him to take over, but meanwhile she would learn another side of the business. Where had she picked up such curiosity? Russia, without a doubt.

Maybe the mail-order marriage hadn’t been such a good idea. The magazine ad had been too irresistible — “A beauty who will keep you warm, for just a few words from your clogged and sputtery pen.”

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“No, no, no, no, no, Chico!”

  • by jenhe was like a cat pouncing
  • immobility his eyebrow moved
  • noticed the colour of your dressing gown
  • rather the Latin temperament
  • Not even a compromising bequest!
  • a most awkward mistake
  • They die, yes

“No, no, no, no, no, Chico!” screamed Thelonious Tharp, and Chico Desideria knew that once again he had made a most awkward mistake. Chico both admired and despised his choreographer and mentor, Thelonious. Admired him for the way that when he danced he was like a cat pouncing, despised him because he possessed rather the Latin temperament and made no move to disguise it.

Chico knew what mistake he’d made this time. He was supposed to prance and cavort, leap awkwardly in time to the arrhythmic music, and then freeze. But despite his required immobility his eyebrow moved. Thelonious was livid, as usual.

“Chico, today when you left the dressing room I noticed the colour of your dressing gown had changed and I hoped that your attitude had changed along with your sartorial choices. I was wrong! You are as useless as ever! And you know, don’t you Chico, what the parents of one as unimpressive as you do? They die, yes, die! Of shame! And they leave nothing to their disappointing offspring, Chico. Not even a compromising bequest!

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Genre Unconventional

r-avatarWhen writers look back at their old output, they can experience a variety of feelings. If it’s really old stuff, then they’ve probably forgotten all about it and can see it almost like a “real reader.” Touring through all the posts on the Skelleyverse recently, we got to ride the ups and downs of seeing so much of our writing as if for the first time. We also discovered some things about ourselves as writers.

While our novels stick to a certain sub-set of science fiction, our prompted posts inhabit many genres. We added tags for the most frequently used, including romance and horror. And we added the gonzo tag, exclusively (so far) for Kent’s use. Either he routinely gets stuck with the more difficult stichomancy prompts, or Jen is just a little bit better at beating hers into coherency.

Exactly what kind of science fiction is found in a Rune Skelley novel?

Our stories aren’t set on alien planets or at distant points in time. Monsters and wizards don’t stroll the streets; the laws of physics apply, as far as the general populace can tell. But there’s a secret ingredient, something sliding under the veneer of normalcy. The protagonist is (un)lucky enough to be aware of this hidden reality, which is of course unique to each Rune Skelley universe. These things aren’t hidden as in being buried or masked. They’re intertwined with the familiar environment. In some cases, there’s no way for the protagonists to share the secret even if they want to. Other times, protecting that secret is the protagonists’ main goal in life.

This setup saves us a bit of labor on traditional world-building, because we don’t need to tell you what color the sky is. But the trade-off for that lies in needing more demonstrations of the deeper nature’s implications.

We’ve alluded a few times to our recent project being further toward the hard end of the scifi scale. The main reason it ended up that way has to do with what type of secret ingredient its world needed. In the trilogy and in the music novel, the special nature of the story worlds is a paradigm shift, an everything-you-know-is-wrong proposition. But in the latest book, it’s a what-if question on a less cosmic scale, but with staggering consequences. The tale’s plausibility relies more on technical points of known science than the others.

None of which is meant to suggest we have any kind of problem with other sub-genres, or other genres for that matter. But if you peruse the prompts for examples of how we cope with those other forms, you might see why we like to stick to what we know best.

I Received a Visit From My Nephew Today

  • k-avatarheavy in his breast pocket
  • Yours sincerely, Gordon K.
  • tracks leading off into the blinding snow
  • an industry catering to “needs”
  • like pumpernickel bread
  • with a lip-smacking sigh
  • a band of earnest, friendly gnomes

I received a visit from my nephew today, a band of earnest, friendly gnomes heavy in his breast pocket. He wished to discuss a business loan, which is the reason for this letter. He would tell me little of his scheme, except that it is an industry catering to “needs.” He spoke these words with a lip-smacking sigh, his close-cropped dark hair, like pumpernickel bread, betraying the tingle in his scalp.

Eventually I had to send him away. I can still see his tracks leading off into the blinding snow.

I would greatly appreciate if you could spare a moment to apply your prodigious knowledge of gnomes, and their needs, to the question of my nephew’s scheme’s viability.

Yours sincerely, Gordon K.

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