Accidentally on Purpose

  • by jenI don’t like nose stuff
  • leave her in the darkness
  • much-ballyhooed
  • swung my good right fist full upon the point of his jaw
  • Small Dennis was left extremely disappointed

Tune in next time part 851      Click Here for Earlier Installments

Accidentally on purpose I turned the knob on the soap dispenser instead of the shower. A river of lavender suds spurted out, and Titania and I both sneezed.

“Ugh” she cried. “I don’t like nose stuff! It’s a total turnoff!”

While she continued sneezing, I lurched toward the exit and flipped off the lights, intending to leave her in the darkness — the flowery darkness — while I found a place to write down the much-ballyhooed sauce recipe. Or as much of it as I could remember.

On my way through the bedroom I encountered two men attempting to don a horse costume. (Nigel’s replacement, presumably.) I remembered them from the Academy. They were step-brothers, and both were named Dennis. They bickered constantly over their shared name, and everything else. Why Titania thought it would be a good idea for them to share a single horse costume was beyond me. Right now they were bickering over who would be the creature’s head. I thought Big Dennis would be the better choice, but when he turned to me and snarled, I swung my good right fist full upon the point of his jaw and he went down like a sack of potatoes. Small Dennis was left extremely disappointed. “I wanted to punch him,” he pouted. “I never get to do anything fun.”

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Tuning In Next Time Just Got Easier

We’re happy to unveil the new and improved reading experience for our writing prompt chain story. It can now be viewed in chronological order!

Just go to the updated Tune In Next Time page to get started.

How did this long-overdue enhancement come about? Well, Kent has been enjoying retirement, but sometimes he misses slinging a little code. So, a few days ago he applied himself to the question: “Why does our blog make it so freakin’ awkward to just read a set of posts in order?” And if we let him, he’ll go into all the nerdy details about how he fixed it. So we won’t let him.

[Kent wrests the keyboard away] “It involved a custom plug-in, plus some theme edits…” [The keyboard is wrested back]

So there you have it! Settle in and bask in the goony glory that is our neverending series of interconnected tag-team writing prompts, from the beginning.

A writing partner is (sometimes) someone who can fix your website.

As Far As I Knew, Titania Was Not A Cook

  • by Kenther suggestion of “Deep Fried Ice Cream Tacos”
  • I am the fucking law
  • To call it ‘rummaging’ would cheapen the encounter
  • the dilating-pipes entered the main apparatus
  • I’m hearing a lot of excuses

Tune in next time part 850      Click Here for Earlier Installments

As far as I knew, Titania was not a cook. But was the infamous pasta sauce recipe of her invention? The ingredients list contained hints that this recipe’s author might not be much of a cook in any case. Household cleaning products featured prominently. If she had created it, her suggestion of “Deep Fried Ice Cream Tacos” to be stirred in before serving was a stroke of genius.

Memorizing the recipe would not be easy even if I didn’t have to worry about the Crystal Clown becoming offended by my inattentiveness, but that was a major worry. “Obey me!” she barked. “I am the fucking law. I am the beat cop of coitus. Now spread ’em!”

All the excess clothing — which she’d insisted that I wear — seemed to frustrate her greatly. She frisked and prodded and kneaded through the layers of fabric. To call it ‘rummaging’ would cheapen the encounter, so… it was rummaging.

“Into the shower!” she suddenly commanded. “Turn it on. Use the most erotic nozzle setting!”

This being a Contrarian airship, it had Contrarian plumbing. At one time I’d been fairly adept at using such fixtures, but now I strained to recall where the dilating-pipes entered the main apparatus, because that would dictate whether we got scalded or ice-blasted. Plus I was still surreptitiously perusing the pasta sauce recipe. To play for time I said, “These controls are a bit confusing, and I’m going to soak up all the water anyway.”

“I’m hearing a lot of excuses,” Titania growled. The nanobots inhabiting my innermost garments signaled her impatience.

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You Probably Think I’m a Lucky Guy

  • by jenThere was one reason.
  • having sex with a woman while
  • watch your fat feet
  • every inch of wall space was covered with mirrors
  • hidden pasta sauce recipe

Tune in next time part 849      Click Here for Earlier Installments

You probably think I’m a lucky guy. You probably think that there was no reason I would resist Titania’s advances. But you would be wrong. There was one reason. Tessa. I may not be the brightest hammer in the operating theater, but even I knew that having sex with a woman while trying to reunite and have a meaningful relationship with her sister was a bad idea. I just had to figure out how to escape the Crystal Clown with both my monogamy and my life.

The many, many layers of clothes she’d forced me into were working in my favor, mostly. She was ferociously turned on, but I was decidedly not.

“Out of the bed!” she suddenly cried. “Into the bathroom! Now! Now! I want to watch your fat feet squish against the mirrors!”

I rolled off the bed and waddled into the en suite, where not only the floor and ceiling, but every inch of wall space was covered with mirrors. I’m sensitive about the girthiness of my feet, and seeing them reflected in an infinity of infinite regressions helped kill the mood even deader than my numerous layers.

Titania skipped in to stand beside me, bouncing on her bare feet. I tried to find somewhere to direct my eyes where I wouldn’t be staring at her jiggling breasts or my own pudgy feet, and noticed something unexpected. The Ronald McDonald tribute tattoo on her thigh, when reflected back upon itself innumerable times, revealed a hidden pasta sauce recipe. And not just any pasta sauce recipe. *The* pasta sauce recipe, the one that every secret organization in the world was searching for.

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Boo!

We’ve been immersing ourselves in the supernatural as we work on our ghost story, but perhaps we took things a bit too far. Netherwordly manifestations sprang up at the HQ of Skelleyco Amalgamated Fiction Enterprises. But the creepiest part? Every child in the vicinity seemed impelled to approach. Impelled by a hunger, a hunger for… candy.

Last year we missed trick-or-treating because we were in freakin’ Transylvania on Halloween. So this year we brought our A game. Not that we merited anything better than honorable mention in our neighborhood. The bar is set crazy high. We did have a great time, as did Lady Marzipan and the Bandit Lord.

decorative tombstones

front door flanked by skeletal bats

a corgi and a golden retriever in bony costumes

What we did not do was get much writing done. Doorbell was kept pretty busy.

A writing partner is someone who holds your hand when things get scary.

Titania Pulled Open A Drawer

  • by KentAnd then you bite me!
  • an intensely awkward encounter
  • not sure about the sequined t-shirt
  • “You must wear them in bed,”
  • negotiating with a sneeze

Tune in next time part 848      Click Here for Earlier Installments

Titania pulled open a drawer. She grabbed blindly in it and tossed me whatever she got. “Put this on, too!” It was a leather miniskirt. While I struggled into that, she continued flinging more items at me. “And this! And this! And, and…” I was still trying to zip the skirt. “And then you bite me!” she said exuberantly.

I kept a careful eye on the Crystal Clown while wrapping myself in the additional garments. Fabrics were bunching and binding all over my sweaty body. Her eyes were hungry, and her nanobots in my original outfit were not letting up. Whether she really meant to let me bite her or not, it promised to be an intensely awkward encounter.

“Why do I need all these things?” I asked. I was especially not sure about the sequined t-shirt, which was itchy even through all the other layers.

“You need all of them because I said so!” Titania cried. “You must wear them in bed,” she went on, “and not take anything off until I tell you.”

She shoved me down on my back across the mattress and crawled up alongside me. She tipped her head back, perhaps showing me her neck but the expression on her face seemed more like she was negotiating with a sneeze. My question was, did she want to make it stop, or make it happen?

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I Caught a Glimpse of Myself in the Mirror

  • by jen“wiggle room”
  • triggered in error by spiders
  • air conditioned, soundproof tent
  • he called it vertigo
  • makes things erotic

Tune in next time part 847      Click Here for Earlier Installments

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and nearly laughed for real. I looked like a contestant on “Wiggle Room” — that old Svenborgian dance competition where the music all sounds like synthesizers triggered in error by spiders in the electronics. The show was filmed in an air conditioned, soundproof tent in the Svenborgian desert so that the music and the screams of the dancers wouldn’t disturb any neighbors. I loved that show, but Jason didn’t. He called it vertigo-inducing, as if that wasn’t the best part.

Titania snapped her fingers, causing the nanobots inhabiting my garments to pulsate in perfect synchronization. “That throbbing makes things erotic, don’t you think?” she purred.

I wasn’t sure what was so erotic about wearing two layers of clothes, but I nodded anyway. Anything to appease the Crystal Clown.

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Rereading The Rainbow

The past couple of weeks have seen a happy uptick in our productivity. We got into a bit of a rhythm with our work sessions and had some very fruitful discussions.

Revisiting the rainbow for As-Yet Untitled Ghost Novel #2 gave us a chance to peek around a whole bunch of plot corners. Jen was very interested in avoiding surprises as we work on prose, which have tripped us up a bit in past projects. So, looking around the corners was the whole mission here. We were able to flesh out the through-lines for a couple of characters and unkink the timeline. Those conversations really jumpstarted things as far as being able to focus on the project, which made it much easier to (mostly) stick to a schedule from one day to the next.

Did we see around all the corners? Probably not! But we know we’re a lot better prepared than we were before.

A writing partner is someone who helps you avoid getting ambushed by your own plot.

Titania Slouched Against the Wall

  • by Kentwearing nothing but a helmet and gloves
  • The nights are long, and Canada is cold
  • blowing the whistle in furious disapproval
  • if I have no other option, is it really laughter?
  • in a strange groping gesture

Tune in next time part 846      Click Here for Earlier Installments

Titania slouched against the wall, wearing nothing but a helmet and gloves made of the same dark metal. She looked pleased to see me, which was a relief. Not that I felt safe around her, but I thought it best to try to mask my uneasiness.

“Where’s Nigel?” I asked flippantly.

“Saskatoon,” she replied. “It’s nice to have him around, when I stay there. The nights are long, and Canada is cold.” She tilted her head contemplatively, and her smile grew wicked. “Of course, Nigel isn’t allowed out of Canada anymore, not after what happened on the train. Barreling through the station, blowing the whistle in furious disapproval of, I don’t know, maybe hockey? All things Canadian? Ironic, no?” She chuckled.

I laughed too, but if I have no other option, is it really laughter?

“You’re still not wearing your pajamas,” she sing-songed. She waved her gauntleted hand in a strange groping gesture, and suddenly the scientist getup I was wearing started to constrict in severely persuasive ways. I moved like a marionette whose operator was trying to put out a fire, compelled to wrestle the fringed pajamas on over my costume while the Crystal Clown cackled at my predicament.

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Whose Room had I Blundered Into?

  • by jenstole a sideways look
  • grunting and thumping downstairs
  • I think it was, like, 3 AM
  • octopus farms would be
  • I think I broke your toilet

Tune in next time part 845      Click Here for Earlier Installments

Whose room had I blundered into? I stole a sideways look to try to find out, but saw no one. In order to see, I’d have to turn the whole way around, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to do that. The voice sounded slightly menacing, and also slightly familiar.

The voice continued, “Did the noise keep you up last night? All that grunting and thumping downstairs? I think it was, like, 3 AM when it started. It was coming from where the octopus farms would be if Fleur had stuck with the original schematics, but since she changed things, it was coming from the private bathroom off your office, General. I must apologize. None of this would have happened if Fleur hadn’t moved the octopus tanks. I had too many churros, and, well, I think I broke your toilet.”

Who was the silky voiced woman behind me? How did she know so much about this airship? And had she really been planning to poop in the octopus tank? I whirled around and my blood ran cold. Titania, the Crystal Clown.

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