In Addition to Rendering You Unconscious
- cobra yoga
- on her knees before me
- cheap, orange dress
- taped to a chair
- too goddam stinky to be a hallucination
Tune in next time part 415 Click Here for Earlier Installments
In addition to rendering you unconscious, Contrarian knockout gas is a known hallucinogen. When I came to I wasn’t sure whether to believe my eyes. I was surrounded by mimes operating laboratory equipment. They were heating samples over bunsen burners while pretending to make notes, running centrifuges while checking imaginary watches, and mixing compounds while consulting imaginary instructions. As the stench of the chemicals reached me I concluded that it was too goddamn stinky to be a hallucination. Was this the lab where they were testing the substance in my semen?
I wanted to leave the room to escape the noxious fumes, but I was taped to a chair. I strained against my bonds. The mimes noticed that I was awake and sounded their silent alarm.
My sisters Jemma and Jemima hurried into the room wearing matching cheap, orange dresses that looked like uniforms from some greasy fast food restaurant. What the hell were they doing here on Disco Island? And where was Jim? Were these two still under his control?
“Why don’t you guys let me go,” I said, my tongue still rubbery from the gas. “I need to get back to Fleur.”
Jemma got down on her knees before me and looked up into my face. “Your speech is all fucked up, Jason,” she said with an exaggerated wink. “Keep your mouth shut until the gas wears off.” She tapped a quick message on my shinbone as she stood, telling me that she was hiding here to avoid her obligation to the Guild of Fire Eaters.
The mimes had all stopped their laboratory activities and were watching us intently. My sisters began a dance so fluid and sinuous it could only be performed by contortionists. It’s called cobra yoga, and its performance soon had the entire troop of mimes entranced.
But since when were Jem and Jem contortionists?
bonus points for using them in reverse order