You Needn’t Fuss
The Mayor is a drama queen.- Permit me, Sir, to shake it.
- began rubbing his companion’s face violently
- very much a nickname person
- each one must be no more than three minutes eighteen seconds
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“You needn’t fuss over such details, and anyway with your slate of siblings you shouldn’t be lecturing anybody else about naming children.”
“Do you think I named them?” I laughed. “Mother took the names from the door of an old gym locker that she found in City Hall back where she and Father got married. It had been a keepsake of the Mayor’s, and he’s still furious that she stole it. The Mayor is a drama queen. He stole it from the gym in the first place.”
“This is my skeptical head,” Fleur replied. “Permit me, Sir, to shake it. If you got the story from your parents, then I know it’s untrue.”
By now the newborns in my arms were stirring, the boy even managing to free one tiny arm from the sailcloth swaddling. I hugged them to me, bringing them closer to each other as well, and my infant son began rubbing his companion’s face violently. It made her cry, so I shifted them apart again, admonishing, “Hey now, Bruiser, behave yourself.”
“Please refrain from addressing the Duke in that manner,” Fleur huffed.
“Aw, L’il Stinkpot likes it, doncha? I was worried about you not having a name, but I’ve just realized, Lumpy, that your are very much a nickname person. You shall have the most and best nicknames in all the land!” I nuzzled my daughter’s cheek. “Except for you, of course, dearest Dimple-Dumpling.”
“That’s Duchess Dimple-Dumpling, if you please.” Fleur snapped her fingers and the incense lady scurried to her side. “Remind me again about the full titles of the Duke and Duchess. This is a precessional year with a caul over the ninth moon, so that means we add a quatrain, I think?”
“It is just as you say, your highness. But because you have a sister, all the intermediary holdings are denoted in birdsong. There is actually a lot more leeway about these titles than you might expect, except that, when sung by the vice-chancellor of the exchequer, each one must be no more than three minutes eighteen seconds.”
bonus points for using them in order