While Jim Waxed Rhapsodic about Agriculture
do you really want to be the groomsperson to a deeply unreasonable person- spanked me on two nonconsecutive occasions
- random forks lying around
- glorious carnality, rapturous eroticism
- so they can watch him peel his jeans off
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While Jim waxed rhapsodic about agriculture, I was finally able to work my thumbs deep into the blue fur and release the child safety lock on the panda head. A prerecorded message came from a speaker somewhere deep in the panda suit, a woman’s calm voice saying, “Witnessing a surprise mascot unheading can be traumatic. Please make sure no children are in the vicinity.”
We were in a petting zoo full of children, and Jim couldn’t wait. He had to get that head off. The zoo staff were quick to react. They summoned all of the mothers, and together they formed a human wall to screen the children and all the baby animals from any view of Jim. And just in time! He popped the panda head off and dropped it to the floor. He was exceedingly sweaty. Esmerelda unzipped the fur suit and he stepped out of it, steaming and dripping.
The mothers of all my children suddenly inched closer, attentive. “Ah,” I thought. “Jim’s a good-looking guy. They’re doing that so they can watch him peel his jeans off.”
And that’s just what he did, in an act of glorious carnality, rapturous eroticism, and decadent sensuality.
Just then Fleur strode up. She kicked the chilled fork out of her way, and said, “Why are there random forks lying around the petting zoo? And why is Jim naked?”
“Would you believe me if I told you those things were related?” Jim asked with a smirk.
Fleur ignored him and turned to me. “Why aren’t you at the wedding? You’re supposed to be the groomsperson.”
“Wedding?” I asked. “Who’s getting married?”
“A man who spanked me on two nonconsecutive occasions.”
Before I could ask any questions she took me by the arm and marched me away from Jim and the women. I asked myself, “Do you really want to be the groomsperson to a deeply unreasonable person, the sort of person who spanks a warlord’s daughter?” The answer was no, I did not want that. But did I have a choice?
bonus points for using them in reverse order