The Acrobat/Spy’s Fevered Ramblings
squeezing in your fingers- in order to become bosom friends
- Aloysius, mouth full of bone needles
- another mold for squirrels
- a square black cap with a silver badge on it
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The acrobat/spy’s fevered ramblings had exhausted my patience.
“This information isn’t helping me, and therefore it isn’t helping you, either. I don’t need or want to hear about how it felt to have their thighs and breasts squeezing in your fingers or how you were willing to debase yourself in order to become bosom friends with bosom benefits. The only thing I want to hear from you is –”
“Excuse me, General?”
I rounded on the source of this interrupting voice. The six babies arranged along my outstretched, fatigued arms giggled happily at the ride. Behind me stood a small entourage of pale men wearing what appeared to be monks’ robes. “Sorry to bother you, General,” the one in the middle went on, “but we have been sternly ordered to perform our duties without delay.”
As he spoke, two of his companions stepped forward and relieved me of three children apiece.
“Where are they taking the royal brood?” I demanded.
“Nowhere. The children will be kept safe right here while Aloysius brings your uniform up to code.”
Aloysius, mouth full of bone needles, waved and scurried forward in a single movement, stooping to begin taking inseam measurements.
Twisting my head to look at the bound prisoner, I yelled, “I am not done with you!”
Contrarian military fashion is especially fickle, obliging the likes of Aloysius to carry around complex arrays of tools and materials. In addition to the needles, and fabrics of course, he also had a case loaded with more specialized instruments. There was a portable furnace and a crucible, and a mold for casting lions, and another mold for squirrels, and an anvil that I didn’t know the purpose of.
The alterations to my bellhop getup took some bit of time, but the results were exemplary if a bit ostentatious for my tastes. I felt like an impeccably tailored colorblind matador, and was sort of glad the room didn’t have a mirror. The best thing of all was that I got a new hat, a square black cap with a silver badge on it that said “General.”
bonus points for using them in order