Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Boxing Day!
This year we’re continuing our tradition of marking the major December holiday with a tag-team writing prompt, using snippets drawn from a seasonally appropriate source. This year’s festive trove comes from the Wikipedia page about Krampus, everyone’s favorite child-eating Christmas monster. As per usual with these unusual events, Jen will start us off. Once she’s incorporated the first ingredient, she’ll turn over control of the keyboard to Kent, and so on until all ten(!) elements have been wrapped up.
- gifts such as oranges
- He is hairy
- His long, pointed tongue
- thrashes the chains for dramatic effect
- wearing animal furs
- It is customary to offer schnapps
- (mostly with broken bones)
- pursuing buxom women
- one winter occasion
- sometimes accompanied with bells
Tune in next time part 863 & 864 Click Here for Earlier Installments
BimBam Tickles, the Iron Clown of Svenborgia, was still in a philosophical mood. I heard him ask Titania, “Do you find it more amusing or cruel that we are stealing bananas for all the young clownlings at the compound, when gifts such as oranges are much easier for their small hands to juggle?”
“Things worth doing are never easy,” the Crystal Clown replied. I could hear the weariness in her voice. “I can’t believe it’s taking you this long to get him ready. He is hairy, but you must have learned how to deal with that long ago.”
“I’m having a spot of trouble with the smile. His long, pointed tongue is hanging out and keeps getting in the way.”
Oh crap, I thought. That would reveal to Titania that it wasn’t me!
“Oh,” she said. “Hmm. I do recall there being something weird about his tongue, now that you mention it…” She trailed off wistfully. “It’s not quite as exhilarating as when I have a man helpless and he thrashes the chains for dramatic effect, but it’s a nice kind of weird I can assure you.”
There followed more sounds of greasepaint being slathered on skin. “This guy is really, really hairy. It’s like he’s wearing animal furs under all these clothes!”
“Oh, that I remember clearly.”
Titania sounded a little disgusted, but I focused on the amazing luck I’d had in subduing someone who could actually pass for me. At least until BimBam’s intrusive clownification ministrations woke him up. It is customary to offer schnapps to people found lurking in one’s basement, at least in Svenborgia. I had no idea what beverage would be paired with such a discovery made in one’s horse costume.
BimBam stifled a giggle and said, “I’m nearly done, and if I do say so myself, he looks exactly like the sort of unconscious clown who would be part of your entourage.”
Titania did not appreciate his tone. She swore at him in the language of clowns (which I understand just enough of), and threatened him terrifyingly with many sorts of bodily harm (mostly with broken bones).
She calmed down enough to sum it all up. “He looks demented, yes, and one could picture him pursuing buxom women. But apart from that he falls well short of my standards!”
“I recall,” BimBam said in a clown’s squeaky approximation of a sultry voice, “one winter occasion when your standards were, perhaps, not so high. I recall it quite fondly.”
They cooed and grunted more sweet nothings, leading to a moment when I was terrified that BimBam would join Titania in the saddle. Fortunately, she dismounted instead. I wasn’t able to see what ensued, but I could hear plenty of clownishly sexy noises (sometimes accompanied with bells). I began a slow retreat, trying to coax Small Dennis along with me.
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excessive body hair
her suggestion of “Deep Fried Ice Cream Tacos”