Tagged: tune in next time

Jim Waved To Me

  • by Kentthe circlet of gold which marked her
  • his old pinched-up hat
  • used as a decoy
  • “Wow!” I said when it arrived. “I didn’t expect it to be so big.”
  • And we all know how that turned out.

Tune in next time part 814      Click Here for Earlier Installments

Jim waved to me, or rather the puppet on his right hand did. She wore the blue gown and the circlet of gold which marked her as Princess Toejam. I suddenly realized how apt it was to do this particular play with sock puppets. On Jim’s left hand was the Earl of Stretchknit, complete with his old pinched-up hat.

The princess wasn’t merely waving, she was signaling. Jim was using her to send me a message. His technique was poor, like even in hand signals he had a silly accent. The gist of what he was saying seemed to be that help was on the way, that he’d called for something to be sent here that could be used as a decoy. I signaled back, saying, “I hope it gets here soon.” Jim replied that I should be patient, and I said Petit Julien was setting the timetables here and we needed to move quicker. Conversing in this way helped keep either of us from falling back under the Mime King’s spell, and also made the time while I waited for Jim’s delivery seem to go faster.

“Wow!” I said when it arrived. “I didn’t expect it to be so big.”

The item in question was a pirate vessel, crewed by socks of course, and unmistakably intended to symbolize the key naval engagement of the last Mime-Pirate War. And we all know how that turned out.

bonus points for using them in order

about stichomancy writing prompts

try our stichomancy writing prompt generator!

The Pirate Ship Descended from the Stage Rigging

  • by jenno regrets at all
  • dude must have extremely strong butt muscles
  • all while looking incredibly handsome
  • friends don’t let friends have mullets
  • the phrase “mild sexual shenanigans”

Tune in next time part 815      Click Here for Earlier Installments

The pirate ship descended from the stage rigging, festooned with sock pirates, and I could tell by the smile on Jim’s face that he had no regrets at all about raiding the zeppelin’s laundry when he built the prop.

I risked a glance at Petit Julien, who was still engaged in the mime classic, Bumping Enormous Hotdogs with One’s Derriere. I signaled to Jim, “That dude must have extremely strong butt muscles.”

Jim lit the fuses on the pirate ship’s cannons, recited the next few lines of the play in his southern-fried slavic accent, and signaled that on our cue, Tessa and I should sneak out the side door, all while looking incredibly handsome. I asked him once what his secret was and all he told me, with a wink, was that friends don’t let friends have mullets.

Just as the first sock-cannon boomed, Jim said the phrase “mild sexual shenanigans”, which was our cue. I gripped Tessa’s hand and we darted for the door, with Jim right behind.

bonus points for using them in order

about stichomancy writing prompts

try our stichomancy writing prompt generator!

My Worst Fear

  • by Kentconfined space like a bathtub
  • I could become a baker. I could become immortal
  • wink like your life depends on it
  • He said that was normal
  • unhealthy love for gummy candy

Tune in next time part 816      Click Here for Earlier Installments

My worst fear was that this door would lead us into an even more confined space like a bathtub (although I was well aware that my recent bathing escapade, however thorough, had long worn off). It was in fact quite spacious, but oppressed by statuary.

A sculpture garden is not standard on all Contrarian airships, but of course this vessel had all the upgrades. When a Contrarian airship does have a sculpture garden, it’s mandatory for there to be a theme. This one must have been selected by Fleur personally. It gave me the creeps, and the heebie-jeebies. It made me question my life choices. It made me reflect that I could become a baker. I could become immortal through the medium of yeast and frosting. And then I wouldn’t be surrounded by my worst nightmares.

Literally. Fleur had obtained one of my old dream journals and commissioned the whole thing in bronze. That was the theme.

I hadn’t realized that I was frozen in place, until Tessa gave me a shove. She said into my ear, “Run like the devil is chasing you, and wink like your life depends on it.” Jim was already halfway down the first concourse. Petit Julien would be on our heels any second. I ran.

All around me, the metal monstrosities seemed to reach out, seemed to actually be moving. I involuntarily wrapped up my head with my arms.

“No, they aren’t really moving,” Tessa grunted, shoving me again. “I asked Jim about the illusion while you were gawping. He said that was normally only noticeable by the one whose psychic trauma was depicted by the works, so I must be pretty well attuned to you. Now, wink dammit!”

I was too terrified to argue, and as soon as I started the process of repeatedly shutting only one eye I understood why she was ordering me to do that. It created a sort of lopsided stroboscopic effect that counteracted the menacing sense of motion, blunting the terror even of the statue that showed my unhealthy love for gummy candy.

bonus points for using them in order

about stichomancy writing prompts

try our stichomancy writing prompt generator!

Frantically Winking Only Did So Much

  • by jenthe ancient experiment of pinching
  • back to the Gauntlet of Brazen Hussies
  • no idea how much blood
  • my impression of Ben Affleck
  • could not be expected to evince surprise at *anything* that was done at the funeral

Tune in next time part 817      Click Here for Earlier Installments

Frantically winking only did so much to mitigate the horror of being surrounded by my nightmares. If only the ancient experiment of pinching oneself would awaken me! In a moment of weakness I glanced back to the Gauntlet of Brazen Hussies we’d just traversed, and saw Petit Julien enter the sculpture garden.

You have no idea how much blood was spilled while I perfected my impression of Ben Affleck, but it was a lot, and even so it was nothing compared to the blood spilled by the monstrous mime. Tessa once told me about his ruthless rise to leadership of the White Faces, and how he trapped his rivals in an invisible box, cut off their oxygen supply, then insisted on the same invisible box being used as their joint coffin. After hearing that much, you could not be expected to evince surprise at *anything* that was done at the funeral, but in the name of decorum, I’ll spare you the details.

Huge and hulking, with the ground bones of his enemies smeared on his cheeks, Petit Julien barreled toward us and pantomimed yelling Tessa’s name like a lovesick beau running through the airport after his departing lover. I had the distinct impression that there was something about Tessa’s relationship with Julien that she had never told me.

bonus points for using them in order

about stichomancy writing prompts

try our stichomancy writing prompt generator!

A Moment Of Clarity

  • by Kenttastes like sock dirt
  • one thing I absolutely hate in relationships is banal chitchat
  • his very fancy castle
  • lick peanut butter off your nipples
  • It’s a tax thing.

Tune in next time part 818      Click Here for Earlier Installments

A moment of clarity came over me. I realized that Petit Julien was never going to stop chasing us as long as we were running away. The dynamics of the situation would have to change. And then I saw what I had to do. Sometimes you take your medicine, even if it tastes like sock dirt, and this was one of those times.

I stopped winking and turned to face the menacing mega-mime. I let him close the distance between us, dimly aware that Jim and Tessa were shrieking at me to move. When Petit Julien was only a dozen strides away, I directed my gaze at the hideous statuary. I silently acted out my terror at the sight of those forms, using the art of mime against their king.

It worked. Petit Julien couldn’t miss a cue, so he did a dutiful double-take as if noticing the nightmare sculptures for the first time. Maybe he was. But what he didn’t count on was the illusion of movement that those statues possessed. He dramatically passed out from fright, keeling over on the spot.

I rejoined my companions, dusting off my hands. Jim asked, “Are there lady mimes? Cuz one thing I absolutely hate in relationships is banal chitchat, which I reckon wouldn’t be much of a problem with a mime.”

“You should set up a dating profile,” Tessa told him. “Your bio would say you’re a mad poet who lives all alone in his very fancy castle and needs a companion.”

“Uh-huh,” Jim said, nodding. “Come for a visit and I’ll lick peanut butter off your nipples. But you can’t make a sound! It’s a tax thing.”

“We should not be here when Petit Julien comes to,” I said. “Let’s find the nearest exit.”

bonus points for using them in order

about stichomancy writing prompts

try our stichomancy writing prompt generator!

The Nearest Exit was Behind Us

  • by jenadorable doofuses
  • his second home in the mountains
  • When he was drunk,
  • to be eaten with one hand
  • riding a wave of adrenaline together

Tune in next time part 819      Click Here for Earlier Installments

The nearest exit was behind us, past the unconscious Julien, and back through the Gauntlet of Brazen Hussies. The three of us held hands and ran through, riding a wave of adrenaline together. I slammed and locked the door, hoping it would slow Julien down when he inevitably woke. We were in the food court, near the churro stand, and I was ravenous, having eaten only pickles all day. Contrarian churros are intended to be eaten with one hand. I ordered two because I have two hands and I really like churros. When he was drunk, Jim tended to need two hands to guide pastries to his mouth, but he hadn’t been in the pickle chapel and seemed pretty sober at the moment, so I risked it and ordered two for him as well, and two for Tessa. The churromonger smiled like he would finally be able to afford his second home in the mountains, the one he’d always dreamed of.

Jim and I bit into our churros simultaneously. Tessa shook her head and called us adorable doofuses. Our happy mood didn’t last though, because the tannoy crackled to life and Fleur’s voice made an announcement.

bonus points for using them in reverse order

about stichomancy writing prompts

try our stichomancy writing prompt generator!

“Attention Passengers”

  • by KentThat poor alpaca got gussied up for nothing
  • meant to be a group experience
  • imagine my surprise to receive this photograph of my mother
  • no snowshoes, no compass
  • sold the rights to the motion pictures

Tune in next time part 820      Click Here for Earlier Installments

“Attention passengers,” said my wife’s voice, in which I picked up an edge of irritation. “I have an important message about the polo tournament: it’s cancelled. So if you planned to enter, you should go tell your steed about the change in plans. That poor alpaca got gussied up for nothing. Polo, of course, is meant to be a group experience. Unlike certain other things, so imagine my surprise to receive this photograph of my mother and nineteen other people wearing… well, let’s just say they had no snowshoes, no compass, and no shame. And until I find out who leaked this image, and doubtless sold the rights to the motion pictures, this airship’s polo field is off-limits!”

bonus points for using them in order

about stichomancy writing prompts

try our stichomancy writing prompt generator!

“Dammit,” Jim Said Around a Mouthful of Churro

  • by jenfrom the cloaca of a quartz tortoise
  • have to find a back-up baby tuxedo
  • Cobwebby.
  • despite the ketchup and clam juice
  • use it in a rap song

Tune in next time part 821      Click Here for Earlier Installments

“Dammit,” Jim said around a mouthful of churro. “I had a lot of money riding on that polo match. With it cancelled, where I am I gonna get my big score?”

“From the cloaca of a quartz tortoise, of course,” I said, referencing the secret compartment where my father used to hide his cash. Jim chuckled.

Isolde’s voice came through the loudspeaker next. It sounded like she’d just wrestled the microphone away from Fleur. “In place of the polo match we will be holding an infant talent show in the auditorium. Anyone who wants to compete will have to find a back-up baby tuxedo and a baby to go in it.” Something about Isolde’s voice sounded dusty. Cobwebby.

“Is she high?” I asked no one in particular.

“I assume you’ll want to attend this talent show,” said Jim. “Since all the babies on board are yours.” He stepped up to the churro stand in search of dipping sauce, and despite the ketchup and clam juice being clearly labeled, dunked his churro in both.

I stared in horror. If Jason were here he’d find a way to describe how disgusting it was and use it in a rap song. In his absence I merely gagged.

“Well?” Jim asked. “Are we going to this talent show? I’ll call my bookie.”

“Yes,” Tessa said, ice in her voice. “Tell, me, are we going to go sit in a room full of your baby-mamas?”

bonus points for using them in order

about stichomancy writing prompts

try our stichomancy writing prompt generator!

“Seems Like It,” I Sighed

  • by Kenthe had a great mustache, come on!
  • down in the pelvic region
  • none of the government’s business
  • just lucky they hadn’t markered a mustache on her
  • poodles, frosting, something that looks like

Tune in next time part 822      Click Here for Earlier Installments

“Seems like it,” I sighed. “They all know that I’m aboard, so my absence would be a scandal.”

“The babies?” Jim asked.

“The mamas,” Tessa said sulkily.

“Why are you so possessive all the sudden?” I asked her. “I’ve never complained about any of your boyfriends, not even Siegfried.”

“There was nothing wrong with Siegfried! He could dance and he had a great mustache, come on!”

From what I had heard, the problem was that there was altogether too much right with Siegfried down in the pelvic region. The mustache was also pretty epic. There were rumors that he took hormone supplements to enhance it, but all he’d ever say when asked was that it was none of the government’s business which parts of the ibex he chose to extract and concentrate and add to his coffee. Tessa perhaps thought I didn’t know about the time she and Siegfried passed out together and the lacrosse team found them. She was just lucky they hadn’t markered a mustache on her boob. But it was all water under the bridge, which was my whole point.

A man scurried past us, hunched over a clipboard, muttering. “Where am I going to find seven poodles, frosting, something that looks like ‘odd-numbered flavors,’ and a robot so lifelike that even it can’t be sure.”

bonus points for using them in order

about stichomancy writing prompts

try our stichomancy writing prompt generator!

The Infant Talent Show

  • by jengracefully choreographed free-for-all
  • new and pink and chubby
  • presented with a trashcan lid-sized plate of steamed broccoli
  • For years, I’ve gotten drunk and told the story
  • and gloves without fingers

Tune in next time part 823      Click Here for Earlier Installments

The infant talent show turned out to be a gracefully choreographed free-for-all. First place went to the choreographer, a baby girl all new and pink and chubby. She and her mother, Isolde, were presented with a trashcan lid-sized plate of steamed broccoli and a teeny tiny tiara. There was a lot of grumbling amongst the mothers over the fact that Isolde’s baby won, since the talent show was her idea in the first place, but Isolde claimed that it couldn’t possibly have been rigged due to the sheer number of babies she had and how she couldn’t possibly choose a favorite among them.

For years, I’ve gotten drunk and told the story of my own childhood in a family full of twins and triplets, and how the only way I could find to distinguish myself from Jason was to wear a vest and gloves without fingers while he wore sleeves with no shirt and little socks on his fingers. All this squabbling reminded me of that, and I felt sorry for all the also-rans. Every child needs a time to shine.

“Instead of one big dance number,” I said, “let’s let each baby perform solo!”

bonus points for using them in order

about stichomancy writing prompts

try our stichomancy writing prompt generator!