Tagged: toilet

It’s Standard Practice on Contrarian Airships

  • by jen“That’s a cute name.”
  • ghostly fingerprint
  • is nearly six foot five and describes himself as a “fairy from outer space”
  • almost six years in prison
  • wish not to be stabbed

Tune in next time part 881      Click Here for Earlier Installments

It’s standard practice on Contrarian airships to have bathroom fixtures made of styrofoam — it saves a lot of weight. What was unusual about these styrofoam potties is that they weren’t attached to the floor, the plumbing, or anything else. What could Fleur be up to with a room full of decoy commodes?

“Put down the toilet, Small Dennis,” I muttered.

“Small Dennis?” Fleur chuckled. “That’s a cute name.”

“I’m not actually all that small,” Small Dennis huffed. He’d been gripping the faux porcelain so hard that when he let go, he left behind ghostly fingerprints in the styrofoam. “Is it my fault my mom married a guy with his own son named Dennis who is nearly six foot five and describes himself as a ‘fairy from outer space’ and who had spent almost six years in prison for assault? He claimed the moniker Big Dennis, and as I wish not to be stabbed, I grudgingly accepted Small Dennis as mine.”

I’d never heard Small Dennis say so much, and I doubted the truth of almost all of what he’d said. If he was trying to prey on Fleur’s tender feminine nature, I wished him luck.

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“Are You Referring”

  • by Kent“It’s mostly one-sided.”
  • kisses a human woman
  • he shook it twice
  • caveman eroticism
  • No toilets!

Tune in next time part 880      Click Here for Earlier Installments

“Are you referring to the tentacle-mutant shadow warrior project?” Fleur asked in a flat tone. “Please. They pose no danger to Contraria or its allies.”

She had to be lying. Contraria has no allies.

“Who else takes part in this so-called alliance?” I asked.

“It’s mostly one-sided.”

I had to chuckle. That’s the punchline to an old Contrarian joke about a goblin who kisses a human woman — only she’s really just a statue. I knew Fleur had chosen the phrasing knowingly, so I said, “You saying you feel like the goblin’s wife?”

“I should be so lucky. After the goblin kissed that ‘lady’ he shook it twice. That’s more caveman eroticism than I’ve had from you in years.”

Small Dennis interrupted us, exclaiming “No toilets!”

I turned toward his outburst and found him holding one of the toilets in his hands, the other one lying on its side. They were both made of styrofoam.

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Small Dennis Slapped My Hand Away From the Zipper

  • by Kentcut off into shorts
  • clothing choice that I would be comfortable with
  • very soggy newspapers
  • a matching, facing toilet for when you can’t get off the john but have to lean over one at the same time
  • Three words… Nose Hair Trimmer.

Tune in next time part 876      Click Here for Earlier Installments

Small Dennis slapped my hand away from the zipper. “You’re jeopardizing the missions!” he hissed.

I ground my molars. The horse costume might have been tolerable if it had been cut off into shorts, but that still wouldn’t be a clothing choice that I would be comfortable with under the circumstances.

The best I could do was keep backpedaling and drag Small Dennis along with me. He put up a bit of a fight about that, but his resistance was comparable to a curtain of very soggy newspapers. I managed to bump open a door with my hip, and dragged us through it into what turned out to be a bathroom. But its setup was unconventional to say the least. There were two toilets and no partitions, meaning (possibly) that your conversational partner would have someplace to sit, or (more likely) you’d have available a matching, facing toilet for when you can’t get off the john but have to lean over one at the same time.

I hurried to explore the rest of the space before Small Dennis felt inspired.

On a shelf under the mirror, at last I spotted something truly useful in my current predicament. Three words… Nose Hair Trimmer.

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