Tagged: submarine

Arlo Put His Unhinged Laughter Aside

  • by jenmaritime follies
  • asked to see the treasure map
  • his engine had an anti-siphon valve
  • “Quick!” said the boy.
  • his chair with his bare feet

Tune in next time part 331      Click Here for Earlier Installments

Arlo put his unhinged laughter aside and peered down at the flaming submarine and foundering aircraft carrier. “We aren’t going to let these trifling maritime follies come between us, are we Fleur my dear?” he asked in his most unctuous voice. “After all it wasn’t so long ago that you asked to see the treasure map tattooed upon my abdomen. We could toss this so-called husband of yours out of the zeppelin and continue the game of Candyland we were playing upon it.”

I’d had enough of this Svenborgian dick. I deftly tucked my infant daughter inside my morning suit’s jacket and buttoned it to hold her in place, then yanked the gondola door’s handle. The door swung outward and I shoved the viscount after it.

As he fell, a flap opened in the back of the armadillo costume, exposing a jetpack. It roared to life and Arlo flew away, flipping us off.

“What the hell!” I said.

“He mentioned his jetpack often in bed,” Fleur said. “But I assumed it was a euphemism. He liked to brag about how his engine had an anti-siphon valve.”

Isolde rushed forward and closed the gondola’s door.

I checked on the children to see if they were okay. My son was still strapped to the blue panda, and seemed to have the hiccups. “Quick!” said the boy. “Quick!” I wished he had a name. But more important than that right now was making sure that whoever was inside the panda costume was not another enemy.

“Isolde,” I said. “Why don’t you play with your nephew?”

“That will be good practice for motherhood!” she enthused. She scooped the boy out of his carrier while he continued to hiccup. She sat and made her lap his chair with his bare feet sticking out where she could tickle them.

I eyed up the blue panda.

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Fleur Turned the Zeppelin Hard to Starboard

  • by Kent“I have heard a rumor.”
  • but your eyes are wide open
  • my body is 65% Kool-Aid
  • the enthusiasm of my stupidity
  • when Napoleon and a farmer squabble

Tune in next time part 328      Click Here for Earlier Installments

Fleur turned the zeppelin hard to starboard and revved the engines, scooting us away from the fracas in the water below. The fighter pilots evidently judged our position to be sufficiently removed from the combat zone, because they opened fire on the ungainly, baby-shaped enemy submarine. The aircraft carrier took a bit of friendly fire, but most of the missiles struck the sub, or the water in its immediate vicinity.

“The crew still aboard the ship are in terrible danger,” I said, not mentioning John or Xylona. “It would surprise me if the ship’s not already taking on water.”

Fleur didn’t take her eyes off the instrument panel. “I have heard a rumor.”

“When?” I asked.

“You must have potatoes in your ears,” the blue panda said, “but your eyes are wide open. Follow along on the readout.”

The zeppelin’s dashboard had a screen showing a schematic of the aircraft carrier. Most of the outlines were green, but most of the keel was drawn in red. The vessel’s waterline was indicated too, and it was rising fast.

I looked from the screen to Fleur to Isolde to the panda, and finally the armadillo carrying my infant daughter. We met each other’s gaze, and the person in the colorful suit crooned, “My body is 65% Kool-Aid. That probably accounts for the enthusiasm of my stupidity.”

“Hey,” I said, “you’re up here instead of down there. That’s not stupid.”

“There’s an old Contrarian saying,” Fleur grumbled, her attention still riveted to operating the airship. “The eggs go sour and the milk gets a shell when Napoleon and a farmer squabble.”

“Such wise words for this disastrous occasion,” Isolde said.

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“That’s the Viscount’s Submarine!”

  • by jensome sort of wacky hardcore fundamentalist sect
  • what a lucky bastard
  • pay you a whole $250 to serve drinks at their poker game
  • instead of being scary
  • for ever suggesting such a ridiculous trip

Tune in next time part 327      Click Here for Earlier Installments

“That’s the viscount’s submarine!” Isolde cried. “But why would Arlo attack us, Fleur?”

My wife gritted her teeth. “He’s the leader of some sort of wacky hardcore fundamentalist sect.” She steered the zeppelin higher as the sub rammed the aircraft carrier again. “He tried to convince me to let him baptize the twins into it so that he could tell everyone he was their father.”

It offended me to think that anyone might believe that creepy dick had fathered my children.

“It’s not enough for him to be your lover for months and months,” Isolde said. “He wants to control the heirs to Contraria!” Her hand rested on her abdomen. “He will never even lay eyes on the precious child Harry has given me.”

The blue panda that had my son in a front carrier nudged me and whispered, “Do you know what a lucky bastard you are, bedding both of the warlord’s daughters?”

“How dare you speak to me that way!” I hissed. “It’s not like I’m some asshole who agreed to pay you a whole $250 to serve drinks at their poker game! You are responsible for the safety of the royal infant!” I tried to keep my voice menacing, but instead of being scary it came out sounding quite prissy. The man in the panda suit took a big step backward. I kept my eye on him for further signs of inappropriateness while I tuned back in to Fleur and Isolde’s conversation.

“I knew Arlo was up to something,” Fleur said. “I should have exiled him from Contraria for ever suggesting such a ridiculous trip when I was on the verge of labor.”

“It must have been the pregnancy hormones,” Isolde soothed. “I can feel them already, turning my brain to mush.” She smiled beatifically down at her flat stomach. Did she really think she was already pregnant? “I can’t wait until Harry and I can hold our little bundle of joy. I bet it will look just like him!”

Fleur shot me a dangerous look, so I kept my mouth closed.

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Spending So Much Time

  • by Kentsometimes it pays to be an atheist
  • Do Not Enter This Area
  • attacked by a horrible mechanical devil baby
  • one iota less furious
  • two loyal and stupid friends

Tune in next time part 326      Click Here for Earlier Installments

Spending so much time inside the chapel, cavorting with Isolde among the skeletons to the exhortations of the incense woman, reminded me that sometimes it pays to be an atheist. As far as I was concerned, the signs on Churches in general — and Contrarian religious edifices in particular — might as well read “Do Not Enter This Area.”

But acting as Isolde’s proxy husband for 24 hours had been enjoyable, even in a chapel. I whistled as I finished putting my clothes back on. While I was putting my second leg into my pants, the floor pitched beneath me and I tumbled against the wall of the corridor.

Klaxons sounded as the carrier rolled back the other way, sending me crashing up against the door I’d just been kicked out of. Isolde burst out, screaming, “What’s happening?!” I yanked my pants the rest of the way on and together we raced up to the bridge to find out.

Fleur was in command, and between shouted orders to her crew she filled us in. A huge submarine of some type had risen under our keel and was trying to capsize us. “Come with me,” she said, and we didn’t argue.

We went swiftly to the bow, where the zeppelin was docked. The blue panda and the rainbow armadillo met us there with the children, and we all climbed the ladder into the airship’s gondola. Isolde cut us loose the second we were all aboard. As we rose above the battling vessels, we got our first look at the enemy submarine.

It was bulbous, with a vaguely humanoid layout. The forward section looked amazingly like a head, complete with a toothless mouth stretched wide in a howl of primal, infantile rage. Whoever had “attacked by a horrible mechanical devil baby” in the pool for what was going to befall this ship just made a big score. Apparently the absurdity of the situation didn’t make Fleur one iota less furious about the attack.

I worried about John and my aunt. Looking at the stern, I noticed the biplane was no longer there. Had our captors stowed it? Had it been thrown into the sea by the attack? Or was it safely away, carrying my two loyal and stupid friends? I scanned the skies all around but could only see the Contrarian fighter planes that Fleur had scrambled before abandoning ship.

“Do you know whose sub that is?” I asked her.

“Yes,” she said darkly, and offered nothing more.

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Who Else Might Be Aboard the Submarine I was Now Trapped On?

  • by jenduring a very, very warm summer
  • “Do you have handcuffs on?”
  • once more enjoyed a little quiet laugh
  • Accidents, sir, happen
  • and redesigned suits

Tune in next time part 263                           Click Here for Earlier Installments

Who else might be aboard the submarine I was now trapped on? Did I dare make my presence known? Jason’s allegiances were impossible to know, and Tesla had been underground for so long there was no way of telling where her loyalties lay. If only I could identify the man with the reedy voice I might be able to judge my level of peril.

I kept myself concealed and continued to eavesdrop, but the noise of the submarine made that second task much harder. After about ten minutes, Tesla and Reedy Voice left the control room and strode down the corridor I was hiding in. I crouched quickly as they passed, but managed to get a pretty good look at them.

Their chalky faces and redesigned suits, so stripy and nautical, struck fear into my guts. These two must be representatives of the long-rumored Pirate-Mime Brotherhood. No wonder Reedy Voice’s voice sounded so odd — he was unaccustomed to speaking. But how on Earth did Tesla get mixed up with such a dangerous crowd? Accidents, sir, happen, I reminded myself. But that answer seemed insufficient. And then I remembered that Yves and Lionel, her philandering husbands, had been mimes. Quite good ones. I once more enjoyed a little quiet laugh as I recalled Lionel’s unique take on “trapped in a glass litter box.”

Was Tesla’s presence in this heretical fraternity of evil meant as a slap in the face to her exes?

Suddenly Jason bounded into the corridor and snagged me by the collar. It seems my little quiet laugh wasn’t little or quiet enough.

“What are you doing here?” he demanded. “Do you have handcuffs on?”

I did indeed, but since the chain was broken they hardly slowed me down.

Once during a very, very warm summer at the White House, Mother had pitted Jason and me against each other in daily wrestling matches. This was a lot like that.

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The Trio Stopped

  • by Kentlate at night, while Sherry was asleep,
  • shiny brass buttons and campaign ribbons
  • pointed to a cult
  • violently ill after being with him
  • duties loomed particularly large

Tune in next time part 262                           Click Here for Earlier Installments

The trio stopped in the sub’s control room, fanning out to assorted consoles and clusters of levers like this wasn’t the first time they’d been in here.

“Go up and shut the top hatch,” Tesla told Jason. My twin grumbled but began climbing the ladder. Tesla and Reedy Voice shared a giggle.

The man said, “I had to do my practice runs late at night, while Sherry was asleep, so I really haven’t been getting as much rest as I should. But I feel ready.”

“I’m sure you’ll do great,” Tesla replied. “One day you’ll have a command of your own, and a chest weighed down with shiny brass buttons and campaign ribbons.”

A loud clank from above signaled Jason’s imminent return.

“Sherry still knew something was up,” Reedy Voice went on. “I’m sure she thought my mysterious comings and goings, the change in how I dressed, all pointed to a cult. If she only knew how wrong she was.”

“Or how right,” Jason said as he reached the bottom of the ladder.

“Don’t sound so much like Yves, please,” Tesla groaned. She threw a lever and thunderous sloshing noises resounded down the length of the hull. “You know I was violently ill after being with him the first time. I should have known then, but at the time it seemed my agency duties loomed particularly large, and blotted out my common sense.”

She threw the next lever, and I felt the vessel’s movement.

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I Ducked Behind an Extensive Knot of Piping

  • by jenShe was fair-skinned and red-headed
  • a fragment of quartz
  • A French man and his cat
  • All was wedded bliss until
  • he is a miracle child

Tune in next time part 261                           Click Here for Earlier Installments

I ducked behind an extensive knot of piping in the submarine’s murky passageway and peered back into the control room as Jason followed his female companion in. She was fair-skinned and red-headed, with eyes as sharp as a fragment of quartz, and I recognized her immediately as Tessa’s sister Tesla. The two had often banded together against Tallulah and the others, back at the Academy. All that changed after graduation, though. A French man and his cat seduced Tesla and bundled her off to Nantes to be their bride. All was wedded bliss until she caught both Yves and Lionel in bed with the man who operated the steampunk elephant at Les Machines de L’ile. Her heart broken, Tesla went into seclusion. As far as I knew, her whereabouts were a complete unknown, and yet here she was with my twin, and this reedy-voiced individual.

“Stop talking about him as if he is a miracle child,” Reedy Voice said. “You’re all so fascinated with him, but is he really all that different from Jason?”

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The Reedy Voice Below

  • by Kentsqueezing in your fingers
  • consensual sexual activity
  • torn out of a magazine
  • loosening with the summer humidity
  • Or about butts.

Tune in next time part 260                           Click Here for Earlier Installments

The reedy voice below me said, “A pregnant wife is for pampering and worshipping, just as an enemy’s throat is for squeezing in your fingers. Her gravid belly should cause no reduction in consensual sexual activity between the sheets of the marital bed.”

The woman laughed. “You talk like real husband material. Where have you been all my life?”

Jason’s lisp came on stronger, which meant he was angry. “He’s just spouting silly nonsense torn out of a magazine. Don’t get distracted. Focus on the mission.”

But the other two both laughed over his sibilant tirade. The next bit spoken was indistinct, until the male voice said, “… like neckties and blouse buttons loosening with the summer humidity.” This made the woman coo that he was “Such a flirt,” and Jason grumbled.

I chanced descending a few more rungs. The control room directly below me appeared to be empty, the voices carrying from some other section of the vessel. I got to the bottom of the ladder as quickly as silence would allow and started looking for a place to hide. Voices and footsteps approached from the forward section, so I darted into the aft passageway, heading toward the engine room.

“Keep in mind,” Jason was saying, “that he’s obsessed. He’s always thinking about his wasted youth at the the Academy. Or about butts. We can use that against him.”

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Down the Darkened Tunnel I Raced

  • by jenserved time in the military
  • a second peal of thunder
  • for eight and twenty miles
  • and a badass wife
  • or if she would repulse him

Tune in next time part 259                           Click Here for Earlier Installments

Down the darkened tunnel I raced, wondering if there would be a submarine in the Academy’s submarine dock. I knew how to drive a submersible even though I had never served time in the military. Behind me came the clattering of more debris, a second peal of thunder booming through the cavern to chase the echoes of the diversionary crash I had created moments ago.

I ran for eight and twenty miles, or at least that’s what it felt like, before the sound of my footsteps changed and I knew I was in a large open area. The sub dock. Murky red light filtered up through the water from the submarine that lurked just below the surface. As I caught my breath I let my eyes adjust to the faint, bloody illumination and was able to trace out the contours of the conning tower where it jutted from the water.

Before I had time to think better of it, I crept across the gangway and lowered myself silently down the ladder into the heart of the submarine. I immediately heard voices, so I froze halfway down the ladder to listen.

“He’s got a scary father-in-law and a badass wife,” a reedy male voice said.

“Her name’s Fleur, right?” said a woman. “That Contrarian noble?”

They were talking about me.

“She’s extremely pregnant right now,” said a third voice, this one with a familiar lisp. “Due any day. I wonder if he’d still think she’s hot or if she would repulse him.” It was Jason, I had no doubt.

I couldn’t stay where I was, perched awkwardly on the rungs of a metal ladder. Mere feet below me were Jason and two of his compatriots. There was no way I could slip past them. But if I exited the sub, I would no doubt run right into Betsy and Fernando, and possibly Tessa and who knows who else. That racket they’d raised might attract everyone at the Academy.

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It Was The Kind of Memory

  • k-avatarmadly dig at your ears with a Q-Tip
  • endless chain of consequences
  • the submersible’s robotic arm
  • aka the Maine lobster
  • a solitary llama was squeezed in

It was the kind of memory that makes you want to madly dig at your ears with a Q-Tip, or with a fork, some implement that can eradicate it from your head. One little lapse that led to an endless chain of consequences and ever deepening despair, depths both figurative and literal. Allowing the code book to be thrown overboard, which meant the message from HQ couldn’t be deciphered and the ambassador’s questions couldn’t be answered. Now, a mile below the stormy surface, using the submersible’s robotic arm to retrieve the errant codex from the muck. Hoping to complete the task quickly and avoid a run-in with the armored patrol sub of Jack Rabies, aka the Maine Lobster. The ambassador knows more than he’s telling you, has some disturbing personal stake in the outcome. At his insistence, a solitary llama was squeezed in with you on the tiny sub. Fortunately, it knows how to operate the sonar array.

 

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