Tagged: sex

To The Flock Of Gentle Churchgoers

  • by jenher sundress was a mass of wrinkles
  • inherited my family’s trime-traveling gene
  • ripping my trousers, cutting my leg
  • She spread out all her fingers
  • “The hunchback must be mad too,” said the Curate.

To the flock of gentle churchgoers it must have seemed that Germaine and I appeared out of nowhere. There they were, listening to a sermon, when suddenly there we were, fornicating on the floor in front of the altar. It’s all on account of the fact that I inherited my family’s time-traveling gene. When we started, you see, the church had yet to be built.

As soon as we realized we had an audience, we stopped what we were doing. Germaine tried to cover herself, but her sundress was a mass of wrinkles. She spread out all her fingers to cover her naughty bits as best she could, ripping my trousers, cutting my leg in the process. The position we were trying out was called The Hunchback and it was rather complicated.

“I’m so mad at this interruption, Rufus!” cried Germaine.

“The Hunchback must be mad too,” said the Curate. He winked at us.

Who told him what it was called?

 

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“Thanks For the Tea, Poco”

  • k-avatarthe yellow spheres
  • Screech! I felt it.
  • lick at his sore feet
  • Thanks for the tea, Poco
  • back door moments

“Thanks for the tea, Poco.”

I drained my mug, got up from the table, and was out the back door moments before Poco’s uncle Pico pulled up out front. Pico slammed on the brakes — Screech! I felt it. I shimmied over the fence and beat feet.

In the alley, an old wino let a mongrel lick at his sore feet. I left them to it.

Poco’s aunt Paca would be just finishing up her lesson at the tennis court. I pictured her in a short white dress, as the yellow spheres ricocheted all around her. Then she felt like stretching…

Back door moments, indeed.

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“Good Evening”

  • by jenred micro-fleece pajamas
  • no one could touch me, not even myself!
  • Prime Minister’s Question Time
  • you want them to smell
  • competitive sort of interaction

“Good evening and welcome to Prime Minister’s Question Time. I’m your host, Margaret Thatcher. The first question tonight comes from Rune Skelley who tweets, “Prime Minister, I’m in the market for a quality pair of red micro-fleece pajamas. What should I look for when shopping?”

“Well, Rune Skelley, the most important thing is that you want them to smell new, and not as if they had been worn during any competitive sort of interaction with a member of the opposite sex. I’m sure you understand what I’m alluding to. I myself used to own a pair of Union Jack micro-fleece pajamas and eventually, after many long nights in Parliament, they smelled so badly that no one could touch me, not even myself!”

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Carla Fondly Recalled

  • k-avatarfirst missionary journey
  • a zen-like joy
  • condemned to the eternal fires of hell
  • a victory ode
  • when men met and sat
  • One has to eat!

Carla fondly recalled her first missionary journey, and even more fondly her first doggy journey. Thinking about those moments brought her a zen-like joy.

“As in, like, joy?”

“Yes, Darla, close enough.” Carla knew she shouldn’t try to explain such things to her little sister, as the poor girl invariably came away moist and bewildered. If she kept it up, Carla feared she’d be condemned to the eternal fires of hell.

Anyway, it was time to take a break from composing a victory ode to when men met and sat outside her bedroom door like patients in a porno waiting room. To dinner! One has to eat!

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Silver Maple Turned

  • k-avatarhis “jurisdiction”
  • her flushed face
  • the old woman
  • first choice
  • silver maple

Silver Maple turned her flushed face up to see how Judge Watkins was reacting to her ministrations to his “jurisdiction.” Paying the fine would have been her first choice, but this option wasn’t so bad. The old woman knew all the tricks, literally. Judge Watkins would get off, and so would she.

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The Best Immersion-Therapy

  • k-avatarsex-anxious parents?
  • copulating since 1400
  • projections of the men
  • the demon’s scrotum is clearly in view

The best immersion-therapy for sex-anxious parents? Gotta be Grotto des Grotesques, where the foyer is populated with digital projections of the men who have held the title of Lothario Supremo since the award’s inception in 1239. Very soothing!

Also, in its depths, is a geothermal manifestation of a pair of infernal trysters who’ve been copulating since 1400. Although most of the lovers’ forms are embedded in calcite and sulfurous accretions, the demon’s scrotum is clearly in view.

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Minerva du Mauvais Stood Naked in the Forest

  • by jenwe who shared a womb
  • pointing at a couch
  • the oath of Hippocrates
  • despite the freezing night
  • sly apple-polishing
  • Moon maidens must be strong

Minerva du Mauvais stood naked in the forest despite the freezing night. Moon maidens must be strong, she admonished herself inwardly, and suppressed a shiver. Her brother Devlin paced the clearing, reciting the oath of Hippocrates in its original form — before it was co-opted by the do-gooding healers.

Once finished with the ceremony, Devlin led Minerva inside the black condo they shared. “Wait for me there, darling,” he growled, pointing at a couch. “And none of your sly ‘apple-polishing’ before I return. Save your energies for me.”

“Spoil sport,” Minerva pouted, but she laced her fingers together and twiddled her thumbs to occupy her time while Devlin made a few arcane phone calls.

“We who shared a womb with the devil know all his secrets. Isn’t that right, Mirny?” Devlin said upon his return. Minerva knew that meant the ritual had succeeded and they were now free to celebrate in the most carnal of ways.

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Underneath the Fancy Bustle

  • by jensmooth as a sunset
  • too young to produce
  • her naked bottom was small
  • It was a truck-driver bang
  • president of Midnight Mink
  • clench her fists and stomp her feet

Underneath the fancy bustle, her naked bottom was small. Her inability to afford surgery to augment it drove Shirley to clench her fists and stomp her feet in frustration. She was too young to produce movies, which was her life’s ambition, and this led to more frustration.

“Why did I ever move to Hollywood?” she wailed.

Shirley’s moment of self-doubt was interrupted by a loud knock at her door. It was a truck-driver bang, she thought, but when she opened the door she found not a truck driver, but the President of Midnight, Mink McGee, with his pale, pale skin and his auburn hair as smooth as a sunset. The look in his deep blue eyes told Shirley that Mink did not find her naked bottom too small.

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A Midnight Spot Check

  • k-avatarI have been pregnant for five days
  • carrying a white dove
  • slung the towel over his shoulder
  • a midnight spot check
  • heaved him over a hip
  • and a green hat

A midnight spot check revealed Denise carrying a white dove and a green hat. When asked to explain herself, she said, “I have been pregnant for five days. He slung the towel over his shoulder, and I heaved him over a hip, and that was all it took.”

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She Jumped At the Forbidden

  • k-avatarbright cherry fruit
  • impossibly enormous
  • whirling on the kitchen floor
  • pushed the popcorn at her
  • or jump out of the car
  • illegal glass of wine

She jumped at the forbidden, bright cherry fruit of an illegal glass of wine, laughing and swooning through the elegant dinner at Le Gourmangerie before I led her stumblingly to my convertible for the short drive to the drive-in where High School Musical 7 was showing and where I thought she might scream or jump out of the car when I pushed the popcorn at her impossibly enormous breasts, but she kept her cool and shared the buttery exploded kernels with me and asked me in after the ride to her place and soon enough we were whirling on the kitchen floor like a punctured beer can dropped by a clumsy pledge.

 

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