Tagged: sex

Block-and-Tackle Bill Earned His Nickname

  • by jena four inch green lizard
  • a human-style bed
  • some cook throwing a tantrum
  • aged pile of feces
  • block-and-tackle Bill

Block-and-Tackle Bill earned his nickname on the high school football field. Now, decades of steroid abuse had left him unable to enjoy sexual congress in a human-style bed without the use of a very large block-and-tackle. The irony was, indeed, lost on Block-and-Tackle Bill.

Block-and-Tackle Bill slumped in his leather recliner watching some cook throwing a tantrum on TV. He felt like an aged pile of feces, but in less poetic terms. The only thing that made him smile these days, since his block-and-tackle contraption broke, was Esmerelda, a four inch green lizard who had taken up residence on Bill’s patio. Her skin secreted a potent painkiller and Bill would lick her whenever he could catch her.

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He’s the Kind of Guy Who Keeps a List of Judicial Candidates

  • by jenhas her gargle with salt water
  • a jar of warm sputum
  • judicial candidates with humorous names
  • and then he’d wave
  • the Swiss bank account of a total stranger

He’s the kind of guy who keeps a list of judicial candidates with humorous names to choose his aliases from. The kind of guy who takes his date to an orgy, but then has her gargle with salt water before he’ll kiss her afterwards. He probably collects it so that he has a jar of warm sputum to remember her by. And then he’d wave and send her off into the night on her own so that he could sit at his computer and try to hack his way into the Swiss bank account of a total stranger. In other words, he’s just like all the rest. OKCupid sucks.

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Our Kids Should Probably Not Read This Post

r-avatarRune Skelley novels contain sex, most of it on the unsavory end of the scale. It’s not that our happy, well-adjusted couples don’t have sex. They do. We just don’t talk about it because it’s boring. And also, we don’t often choose to write about happy, well-adjusted couples. When I say that the sex is boring, I only mean that it’s boring for us to write about and would, therefor, probably be boring to read about. The happy, well-adjusted couples having the sex find it pleasurable and satisfying, which is part of what makes them happy, well-adjusted couples.

There are authors that can make that kind of sex exciting to read, but Rune Skelley is not interested in being that kind of author. Rune Skelley is interested in being a big ol’ pervert. If you don’t believe me, just take a look at the prompts here on the Skelleyverse that have the sex tag. But don’t say you weren’t warned. It’s a heap of unsavoriness.

At the end of 2013 when we did our blog-tidying, we were a little surprised to discover how many of the posts got slapped with the sex tag. I mean, we know we’re both perverts. We’ve been married forever. We know each other pretty well. We just didn’t realize how often our dirty minds bubbled to the surface. It was, shall we say, educational.

Another way that our prompted writing differs from the writing we do for our novels, is that in our novels, the happy well-adjusted couples have sex, they just do it off camera. We let them have their privacy so that we can go peep through the blinds at what the more morally challenged characters are doing to each other. In the prompts, there doesn’t seem to be any vanilla sex at all. It’s either kinky and disturbing, or non-existent.

And to think there was a period of time when we read these aloud to our critique group on a weekly basis. Yes, including the ones featuring the Loch Ness Monster, the explosives, and even the whorehouse and the balloon full of live bees.

The Nipple was Caught Between his Teeth

  • k-avatarthe nipple was caught between his teeth
  • when I first let Nathaniel move in
  • just because you never pass up a piece of tail
  • as if you’d licked a piece of candy
  • the vanilla scent of it was enough
  • accidentally blow themselves to hell

The nipple was caught between his teeth, held captive and threatened with laceration. When I first let Nathaniel move in, I thought I knew how kinky he was. I’ve since learned that I hadn’t even known *what* kinky was.

His teeth shifted back and forth, rolling the nipple. I moved the merest bit, as much as I dared without risk of disconnecting one of the electrodes. Nathaniel moaned and matched my rhythms, all the while caressing the bundle of dynamite beside my head. Jealousy tainted the moment and I spoke before my resolve failed.

“We’re only together at all just because you never pass up a piece of tail.”

Releasing my nipple, he replied, “Arguments in the sack are probably how a lot of nitrophiliacs accidentally blow themselves to hell.”

He knew all of my buttons, and the best ways to push them. Pressing the safety switch, he disconnected one wire from my thigh and placed it on my tongue. When he released the safety, current flowed. The effect is the same as if you’d licked a piece of candy.

He uses a special blend of explosives. The vanilla scent of it was enough to blot out all my doubts about his fidelity.

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“Recalling Her Pantaloons”

  • k-avatarher pantaloons, her cherry-coloured stockings
  • find myself craving the famous borscht
  • I think she died in the bombardment
  • you’d rather gossip than fuck!
  • padded with brown velvet
  • Those bastards are better off

“Recalling her pantaloons, her cherry-coloured stockings padded with brown velvet, I find myself craving the famous borscht served in the capitol before it was razed. I think she died in the bombardment. Many did. Those bastards are better off than we are, when you look at what the revolution had done to architecture.”

“My sister was right when she said you’d rather gossip than fuck!”

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No Matter What You May Be Thinking

  • eby jenffluvia on his desk
  • robes of office
  • dark bulk
  • “Mom! Mom!” he cried
  • everyone is offering him money
  • a story about prostitution
  • a late snack
  • waverings and backslidings

No matter what you may be thinking, this is not a story about prostitution, full of waverings and backslidings of the moral variety, but ultimately ending with redemption for the hooker with the heart of gold. This is a different sort of story altogether – although it is about prostitution. It is less like a smorgasbord of character development, deep, timeless themes, and witty prose, and more like a late snack of pure porn.

The judge stands in the shadowy corner of his chambers, his robes of office rendering him a mere dark bulk to Effluvia’s eyes. She knows everyone is offering him money to rule in their favor, but Effluvia doesn’t have much money. So she is offering him her body.

He stands in the corner, staring at the reclining Effluvia on his desk, nude and legs akimbo.

“Mom! Mom!” he cried, suddenly recognizing her.

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Felicity Shook Her Head Sadly

  • by jenand a big swimming turtle
  • except his penis
  • his possible sexual approach
  • a sluglike glob of substance
  • a mysterious human skeleton?
  • no subtlety, just penis and vulva

Felicity shook her head sadly as she considered the naked man in front of her and his possible sexual approach, knowing there would be no subtlety, just penis and vulva, except his penis was merely a sluglike glob of substance, and a big swimming turtle-like scrotum dangled underneath.

What have I done, wondered Felicity, to prompt my pimp to sell me to such a mysterious human skeleton?

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Transformation Into a Wolf

  • k-avatarHi. Hello. Hello? Heh-lo.
  • – Stark naked!
  • grew owl’s wings and talons
  • congenital anonymity
  • muddy boots took up a lot of room

Transformation into a wolf is actually a highly unusual form of lycanthropy. I’ve known only two werewolves, but at least eight people who grew owl’s wings and talons at the new moon. Dozens of weremonkeys, too. But best not to dwell on them.

These unfortunates almost always learn of their plight at dawn, when they awaken in some unfamiliar outdoor locale – Stark naked!

I met Marie on a rooftop that way. She was still groggy, sated with innocent flesh, and slow to wake up.

“Hi. Hello. Hello? Heh-lo.”

At last she discovered her nudity and woke with a gasp. I gallantly offered my coat, and took her downstairs to my condo. We first made love in the hall closet, where muddy boots took up a lot of room. Then we moved on to the kitchen, and finally the bed.

Marie doesn’t remember me. My curse is different from hers. Rather than agonizing metamorphosis into a mindless beast, I suffer from congenital anonymity.

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Playing the Part of the Innocent Venutian Princess

  • by jenunbuttoning his Space Ranger pajamas
  • nearly vomited in terror
  • the tune was Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
  • stuck in his eyebrows
  • and the telephone itself
  • dogs of all sizes and descriptions

Playing the part of the innocent Venutian princess who nearly vomited in terror at her first sight of an Earth astronaut, only to find herself strangely aroused by the alien intruder, Ibernia Patience reached out to her husband Frank Pax, unbuttoning his Space Ranger pajamas.

Venutian folk music warbled in the background. The tune was Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, but the lyrics were incomprehensible. Ibernia drew the now-naked Frank down onto a large pile of stuffed dogs of all sizes and descriptions. She brushed away a stray bit of fluff that was stuck in his eyebrows as he bent down to kiss her.

Just then the phone rang and Ibernia cursed both the thoughtless caller and the telephone itself for interrupting her play time.

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Niggling Doubts Plagued the Countess

  • by jenoperator
  • unremitting
  • attitudes
  • niggling

Niggling doubts plagued the Countess as she waited, gold-plated telephone pressed to her dainty, shell-like ear, and mussing her elaborate coiffure in much the same way Dirk had done during their one night of hedonistic abandon all those weeks ago, for the operator to place the call that would forever change her life, and the attitudes of all the women in her social circle who were so unremitting in their pessimism.

Bonus points for using all the prompts in a single sentence!

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