Tagged: santa

We Were Intercepted At the End of the Gangplank

  • by Kent“Hwaaaaaah.”
  • thankfully I never had to see Santa again
  • traveling with your lobster
  • your thick head of hair and your killer gams
  • Flip out about this, won’t you?

Tune in next time part 458      Click Here for Earlier Installments

We were intercepted at the end of the gangplank by YoYo. “Yes,” I said, knowing she was going to make an insubordinate inquiry as to my involvement in Isolde’s gravid condition. “And it’s twins.”

To this, YoYo only said, “Hwaaaaaah.” It seemed she remembered that she was in the presence of royalty on the verge of saying something disrespectful. She stepped out of the path of the new arrivals, and their retinue with me in their lead. We proceeded to the throne room where the weary travelers could recline until their chambers were prepared.

But not Jim. I cornered him before he could stretch out on a chaise. “What the hell are you doing here?” I demanded.

“I bear a message from our sister,” he replied in his eternally smirking drawl.

“Can you be more specific?”

“Freya wants to see you,” Jim said.

My last sight of Freya, she had been in the company of an unclean Santa, allegedly an operative. I looked forward to being reunited with my sister, but thankfully I never had to see Santa again.

Naturally, I couldn’t trust anything Jim told me. He had to be tested. I jerked my head toward Isolde in her impractical red dress. “I see you’re traveling with your lobster. Is that wise, when she’s so far along?” Suddenly I foresaw the babies being born here, at Enigma Fortress, an image so upsetting that I forgot I was building up to an implanted trigger phrase that would have temporarily suppressed Jim’s ability to lie. It made me furious. “I can’t believe you think you can float in here, with your thick head of hair and your killer gams, and there will never be any reckoning!”

Jim’s smirk quirked to the right, which I’d never seen it do before. I knew how to read all his subconscious facial tics, and this one wasn’t on my list. He said, “Flip out about this, won’t you? It’s what we’ve come all this way to witness.”

“Well, it’s madness!” I exclaimed. I whirled to Isolde. “What about you? What do you have to say for yourself?”

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Now That You’ve Checked Santa Off Your To-Kiss List

  • by jenonly full-blooded Navajo
  • a vast subterranean chamber of horrors
  • reflection of its luminous rays
  • Ahem.
  • and you’re still not dancing

Tune in next time part 139                             Click Here for Earlier Installments

“Now that you’ve checked Santa off your To-Kiss list, Freya, I think only full-blooded Navajo is left.” I shot a glance at Mr Claus’s tattoo before his beard covered it again, hoping it was not a twin to my own. It wasn’t, and instead depicted a vast subterranean chamber of horrors, a Hellscape overhung by a giant bloody sun, the writhing flames a reflection of its luminous rays.

Santa said, “Ahem. My eyes are up here.”

Freya smoothed his beard and kissed the tip of his nose, then leapt to her feet. “Mother sent me to find you,” she explained to me. “She says, and I quote, ‘Thor is a huge disappointment as president, and you’re still not dancing fast enough.'” Freya shrugged. “She said you’d know what she meant.”

Oh, I knew all right. I knew, and I didn’t like it one little bit.

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