Tagged: religion

Sacre Coeur Was Yet Another Cathedral

  • k-avatarpuffed up like a toad
  • no mere statue
  • You had two. They were thick
  • “Stand back, you imbecile!”
  • the 200 year brawl
  • yet another cathedral

Sacre Coeur was yet another cathedral trammeled in the 200 year brawl between transubstantiationalist rebels and the materialist establishment.

“Stand back, you imbecile!” bellowed Mordecai, chief pyrotechnician of the rebellion. “Out of the way so I can take down that minotaur.”

“You had two. They were thick. It’s my turn,” groused Stephanie, a talented psionic.

Both were struck speechless when the icon St Gridiron, which it seemed was no mere statue, puffed up like a toad.

“But this would be blasphemy to the materialists!” cried Mordecai.

In a grating voice St Gridiron explained, “They have formed an alliance with the couch-potato legions.”

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“And That’s How I Came To Write The Flying Nun”

  • by jenmuttering they strolled
  • well, he looked obscene
  • came to write The Flying Nun
  • only a naked young girl lying spread-eagled
  • raging in his aged skull
  • I know you’re part Indian!
  • editor of this lunatic volume

“And that’s how I came to write The Flying Nun for half a season,” Devlin du Mauvais said, then added, “They fired me for obscenity.”

“Obscenity?” asked Delight. “Do tell!” She loved everything obscene, especially Devlin because, well, he looked obscene even fully dressed.

“It was only a naked young girl lying spread-eagled on the altar, but they took offense.”

Delight giggled at Devlin and the wickedness raging in his aged skull.

“I found the most remarkable book today,” she said, and showed him The Saga of Hieronymus Warhol. “You’re a character in it!”

Devlin snatched the tome and riffled through its pages. “I must find the editor of this lunatic volume, as well as the authors, and eviscerate them!”

While he continued muttering they strolled into the bedroom where Delight was to perform an erotic skit for her demon lover.

After donning her chaps and spurs, she began. “I know you’re part Indian!”

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Fin Stared at the “Stereotype Questionnaire”

  • by jencrucifix
  • stereotype questionnaire
  • drugs
  • pose
  • independently

Fin stared at the “stereotype questionnaire.” Was it worth it to fill the whole damn thing out, all 6 pages, for $25? He sighed. He needed the money.

#7 “What traits do you associate with women who use drugs? Check all that apply. Please work independently.”

Fuck it.

Being careful to stay within the ovals, Fin filled out his answer sheet so that the colored dots formed a rudimentary crucifix, with Jesus in a less-than-dignified pose.

He spent the next half hour napping, then handed in his papers and collected his cash.

Next stop: liquor store.

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It Wasn’t Long Before Bernard Fell Under Suspicion

  • by jenmass
  • punishments
  • suspicion

It wasn’t long before Bernard fell under suspicion. He attended mass with Father Mulcahey on the Sunday in question. He had a criminal past. His boots were found in the garbage can, caked with mud.

Bernard maintained his innocence, claiming the Father was just a good friend from way back. And as for his record, well he’d taken his punishments, paid his fees!

He couldn’t explain the boots though, and was quickly lynched by the angry mob.

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Bernice, Steely Eyes Inscrutable

  • k-avatarunmeaning
  • book!
  • trigger
  • preaching

Bernice, steely eyes inscrutable and finger tense upon the trigger, thinking of the words Leopold so aptly chose to illuminate unmeaning, and thinking also of her wanton youth in Shanghai, but not listening to the inane preaching of the tent-revival charlatan, lastly thought, “Please shut up so I can read my book!“

Bonus points for using all the prompts in a single sentence!

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“Please, Jesus, Let Me Sleep!”

  1. by jenCharacter – 17 year old Jesus freak
  2. Setting – pool hall
  3. Object – chess pieces
  4. Situation – insomnia

“Please, Jesus, let me sleep!” the boy yelled. Hans had seen his type before. The WWJD t-shirt, the close-cropped hair, the earnest expression. A church youth group was in town for a field trip and the poor sod was overwhelmed.

He dropped to his knees on the pool table, scattering the few balls that remained.

“Oh lord, I am tired! Why do you torment me so?” he cried.

The old men in the corner looked surly and Hans knew they were on the verge of throwing their chess pieces at the boy. As amusing as that might be, Hans had a job to do, and that job was keeping the peace at Pappy’s Pool Palace.

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Object Lesson!

During October we will be sharing passages that we’ve written independently from the same prompt.

  • object lesson!
  • their moans and their heavy breathing
  • clay and seashell stew
  • the bared teeth of the cornered carnivore
  • in a robe of some plastic fabric

Jen’s Take

by jenMargaret stared at the TV in horror. She was watching the new DVD release of Season 1 of her favorite childhood cartoon, “Crustacean Clay and Seashell Stew,” and not until that moment did she realize how heavy the homoeroticism on the show was.

Seashell Stew gave Crustacean Clay a massage while Crustacean Clay was in a robe of some plastic fabric that made disturbing rustling sounds under Seashell Stew’s hands. Later the duo went to the gym to wrestle, and their moans and their heavy breathing sounded unmistakeably sexual to Margaret’s scandalized ears.

She caught her own reflection in the mirror above the TV and was surprised to see she sported the bared teeth of the cornered carnivore.

“To anyone who wishes to relive their innocent childhoods, let this be a cautionary object lesson!” Margaret cried in horror.

 

Kent’s Take

I recognized Milton and Dante by their moans and their heavy breathing before I entered the room and saw them entwined in an old shower curtain. They were like a tantric Hindu god in a robe of some plastic fabric.

“Now that is one kinky object lesson!” I crowed. Then I cackled and ran out the back door and into the surf, my feet churning the clay and seashell stew, seasoning it with acute discomfort.

In the failing light, it took me too long to understand what the receding tide had done. The cove was cut off by a sandbar about 30 yards out, and in the pathetic little lake of saltwater it embraced loomed a strange dark shape. A killer whale trapped in the shallows.

The bared teeth of the cornered carnivore gleamed in the moonlight.

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Fiery Ball Of Gas

During October we will be sharing passages that we’ve written independently from the same prompt.

  • fiery ball of gas
  • devotional delicacy
  • Skinner box
  • emotional maturity
  • serving up

Jen’s Take

by jen“The eucharist is so bland,” whined Reggie. “Can’t the nuns whip up a devotional delicacy with more zip? Maybe they could add wasabi.”

“That would be like serving up a fiery ball of gas!” shrieked Jen.

The two collapsed in giggles, displaying the emotional maturity of grade-schoolers, and clutching their nearly empty margaritas.

The other patrons of The Skinner Box, the newest bar in town, had already learned to avoid the two co-authors whenever they appeared for Happy Hour.

 

Kent’s Take

Johnson liked to watch Skinner box. Serving up whoop-ass like a devotional delicacy, take of this left hook, for it is about to rattle your brainstem…

This secret pleasure didn’t show much emotional maturity, but that was the reason for keeping it secret. Outwardly, Johnson gave every sign of detesting the brutal spectacle. But it flooded her with arousal like a fiery ball of gas. Unless that was the pork rinds…

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“You Terwilliger?”

  • by jenthe minister started to protest
  • You Terwilliger?
  • a skull with candy lettering
  • a tapestry of golden bees
  • jerked the boy upward
  • an alien tongue

“You Terwilliger?” the burly man demanded.

The minister started to protest that he was not, in fact, Terwilliger, but then he realized that the burly man was not talking to him. The minister turned his attention and saw a teenage boy standing behind him in line, clutching a skull with candy lettering that read something unintelligible in an alien tongue. On his chin a tapestry of golden bees formed the beard that puberty had not yet provided.

The burly man jerked the boy upward, scattering the bee beard into an angry cloud.

“The boss has been waiting for that,” the burly man said, indicating the decorated skull and dragging the boy inside the nightclub.

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Who Undergoes A Miraculous Transformation

  • by jen“My God!” Emilio Salvatore protested
  • wiped his hands on a towel
  • undergoes a miraculous transformation
  • first sensible thing you’ve said today
  • some submarine convulsion
  • electrical engineers, artists, orthopedic surgeons

“Who undergoes a miraculous transformation every week, anyway? Not electrical engineers, artists, orthopedic surgeons…”

“My God!” Emilio Salvatore protested loudly. “My God does!”

Emily’s face underwent some submarine convulsion as she stared at Emilio.

“That’s the first sensible thing you’ve said today,” spat Emilio as he wiped his hands on a towel.

“I didn’t say anything!” Emily said.

“Exactly.”

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