Tagged: holiday

I Hated My Grandfather – Holiday Prompt

  • by jenI laughed when I saw him
  • whatever the reason, his heart or his shoes
  • ice-cold in the snow
  • my two front teeth
  • a wonderful, awful idea

I hated my grandfather. He was a cruel man who died a fitting death, tumbling down the tall, narrow stairs of his rickety old mansion. The manservant said he tripped over his shoelaces. The coroner blamed his bum ticker. Whatever the reason, his heart or his shoes, the old bastard was finally dead. I laughed when I saw him on the newspaper’s obituary page. After the funeral I visited his terrible house one last time. The place was empty, the servants gone, the electricity disconnected. Even though it was August, the rooms were ice-cold. In the snow globe on Grandfather’s desk were my two front teeth, the ones I’d lost as a child when I fell down the very same stairs that so recently claimed my grandfather. I had always thought Grandfather himself pushed me on that fateful day, but now I had a wonderful, awful idea. What if the curse was real?

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Not Even A Mouse – Holiday Prompt

  • k-avatarhe was dressed all in fur
  • got stuck only once
  • like the down of a thistle
  • leaving crumbs much too small
  • not even a mouse

Not even a mouse could slip through the tiny gaps between stones, but frigid drafts infiltrated the hut from all sides. Even though he was dressed all in fur, Nick shivered. Climbing to the summit alone was foolish, just like everyone tried to tell him. But all the way up he felt cocky, especially after successfully making the eastern traverse. He got stuck only once, which forced him to backtrack and take a higher route, costing him precious time he didn’t realize he should be hoarding. As daylight faltered on way his back down, Nick spotted this rock-walled dwelling and decided not to press on. A night descent would be suicide. Now he stared sullenly at the small heap of twigs on the hearth, and shivered. His flint had disintegrated when struck, leaving crumbs much too small to be of any use. He might get a meager spark, with luck, which might light a sufficiently fine kindling like the down of the thistle, but all Nick had were twigs.

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That New Restaurant – Holiday Prompt

  • by jenthat old silk hat they found
  • the moon on the breast
  • I’d take the seasick crocodile
  • strike the harp
  • since reindeer are scarce

That new restaurant turned out to be a real disappointment! First the waiter informed us that, due to a late delivery, they had to strike the harp seal from the menu. Then my husband asked for a description of the chef’s speciality, but it turned out that the “moon” on the breast of emu was just a lump of mashed potatoes. I had a hard time deciding what I wanted, but since reindeer are scarce it was agreed that I’d take the seasick crocodile. As we waited for the food, our twins squabbled over that old silk hat they found in the cloakroom. They enjoyed that more than their free-range antelope chops!

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2013 Holiday Prompt

In this special holiday edition, the stichomancy prompt phrases were all taken from Christmas carols. Jen and Kent both tackled the same set, with markedly different results. Whose do you prefer?

  • so lively and quick
  • dashing through the snow
  • he began to dance around
  • tis the season to be jolly
  • nine ladies dancing
  • when we finally kiss goodnight

k-avatarKent’s take:

“I forgot these things were so lively and quick,” Herb remarked, drawing a bead on one of the creatures dashing through the snow in the clearing.

“And I forgot they bite! Ow!” exclaimed Remmy as he began to dance around holding one boot up out of the deep drifts, a creature dangling from the toe.

Herb chuckled, prompting Remmy to ask him with some vehemence just what was so damn funny.

“Oh, nothing. Just, tis the season to be jolly, I suppose,” drawled Herb in reply.

Remmy shook the xenopod loose and stomped it, muttering about better times before the invasion. “I’ve had enough for one day. Let’s go get drunk at the Nine Ladies Dancing. I’ll buy.”

“Okay,” Herb said. “I’d like to see that sweet little barmaid again anyway.” Herb’s opinions on the invasion were slightly more mixed. “When we finally kiss goodnight, I’ll find out what those suckers on her tongue feel like.”

bonus points for using them in order!

 

by jenJen’s take:

My blind date with Bertram started out well enough. I found him to be so lively and quick-witted that I was able to overlook his unfortunate ears. I thought him quite galant when he offered to pay for dinner, but halfway through the meal he began to dance around in his seat like he had to pee. Then he grumbled at our waiter, “It’s winter, dude! Tis the season to be jolly well sozzled so you don’t notice the cold! Bring me a yard of Schnapps! And one for the lady.”

He finished his shots in record time, and most of mine, all the while telling the tale of a bachelor party he’d recently attended where there were no fewer than nine ladies dancing naked. I was unimpressed.

Bertram’s fate was sealed when he said to me, “Hey babe, when we finally kiss goodnight, I’m going to slip you the tongue.”

Horrified, I left him at the table and went dashing through the snow and wind all the way to the subway station so he couldn’t follow me home.

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Atop The Desolate Hill

In this special holiday edition, the stichomancy prompt phrases were all taken from Christmas carols. Not that Kent let that cramp his style. Happy Boxing Day!

  • there arose such a clatter
  • laughing all the way
  • was a jolly, happy soul
  • heedless of the wind and weather
  • five golden rings
  • the fire is slowly dying

Atop the desolate hill, the fire is slowly dying, revealing five golden rings among the embers. Dvortmund has come here, heedless of the wind and weather, to enact the rite of binding, and sanctify his bid for power.

Once, Dvortmund was a jolly, happy soul, but when his family cast him out he became a twisted maniac. Soon they will pay.

He sprints down the hill toward the manor house, laughing all the way. His laughter alerts the sentries, who shoot him with muskets. The shots bring forth his family, and they assemble around his fallen form.

“Last time there arose such a clatter, I got presents,” proclaims his nephew.

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“Does He Expect Us”

by jenIn this special holiday edition, the stichomancy prompt phrases were all taken from Christmas carols. Jen went in a different direction with it, though. Happy holidays!

  • you can do the job when you’re in town
  • me, I want a hula hoop
  • with a broomstick in his hand
  • dressed up like Eskimos
  • later on we’ll conspire
  • down through the chimney

“Does he expect us to go down through the chimney?” I asked, incredulous. “That place is impregnable. There’s a guard at every door, and I don’t mean the kind with a broomstick in his hand. I mean the kind with guns.”

“Boss says ‘you can do the job when you’re in town,'” replied my partner in crime. “Like it’s easy to assassinate traitors in broad daylight. The man hasn’t been out in the field in at least a decade. His expectations are unreasonable.”

I downed another shot before replying. “When he was on active duty, the Russians all dressed up like Eskimos. Made ’em easy to spot. Let’s just do this damn job. Later on we’ll conspire about a coup.”

The bartender approached. “Another round?”

My partner perused the drinks menu, then said, “Me, I want a hula hoop.”

“Make it two.”

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Enchanted Mariner Ducks

During October we will be sharing passages that we’ve written independently from the same prompt.

  • enchanted mariner ducks
  • striped scarlet luminescent work-coats
  • low relief with pubic hair
  • the feathery roots of his water hyacinths
  • “Stop quoting Lewis Carroll at me!”
  • tear a larynx

Kent’s Take

I sat in Doctor Entenman’s waiting room, hoping the décor wasn’t indicative of his qualifications as an otolaryngologist. All the others in town were closed for the holiday. The artworks showed truly horrific taste, made more sickening by the realization that the good doctor was himself the artist. A garish neon abstract took up most of the wall facing me, and was accompanied by a plaque bearing its title: “In which the enchanted mariner ducks out of the saloon to escape constables attired in striped scarlet luminescent work-coats.” Above my head was a matted atrocity, a low relief with pubic hair, evidently meant to signify the feathery roots of his water hyacinths. I heard raised voices, first a woman shrieking something about being behind schedule, and then a man bellowing “Stop quoting Lewis Carroll at me!” I supposed I’d chosen a bad week to tear a larynx.

bonus points for using them in order!

Jen’s Take

by jenThe great artist and his assistant stood by in their striped scarlet luminescent work-coats while the phalanx of critics examined his latest creation.

“You say it’s called ‘enchanted mariner ducks,’ and yet I detect nothing of the waterfowl in its design,” said the most unctuous of the bunch, a man known to be overly fond of the feathery roots of his water hyacinths, if you know what I mean.

“Curious, isn’t it,” said Hieronymus Warhol.

“This is clearly a bas-relief, and yet under ‘medium’ you have declared that it is ‘low relief with pubic hair.’ Not only is that not a real medium, it’s also disgusting!”

“Curiouser and curiouser,” replied Warhol.

“Stop quoting Lewis Carroll at me!” cried the critic.

“As soon as you tear a larynx,” drawled the artist. “Preferably your own.”

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What do you think? Who handled this prompt better?

Cecelia Opened the Door

  • by jensomething else inside that boy’s head
  • the Upright Man’s precious cargo
  • the reality of Paul’s shoes
  • the fir tree smelled
  • felt indecently robust
  • I thought you were in Africa
  • a large number of plastic crates

Cecelia opened the door and saw Paul standing on her front porch amid a large number of plastic crates.

“I thought you were in Africa!” she cried and gave him a hug.

“I was.” He gestured to the crates. “The Upright Man’s precious cargo proved easy to retrieve.”

Cecelia invited her brother inside and waited for him to remove his shoes. The reality of Paul’s shoes is that they were of a highly complicated design and it took a long time for him to unfasten them. She gave up waiting and went to make them some coffee. By the time Paul joined her in the kitchen, the coffee felt indecently robust on the tongue.

They carried their mugs into the living room and sat by the Christmas tree, watching the lights blink on and off. The fir tree smelled like freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. It was one of the new genetic hybrids. But Paul didn’t even seem to notice.

There must be something else inside that boy’s head besides the holidays, Cecelia thought. I wonder where the Upright Man is.

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