Tagged: clothes

“I Don’t Understand”

  1. k-avatarCharacter – porn actress Turkish Delight
  2. Setting – vestibule of the time travel agency
  3. Object – camcorder
  4. Situation – need to find the black market

“I don’t understand.”

“Istanbul was Constantinople. Now it’s Istanbul, not Constantinople.”

“Just sell me a ticket.”

A notched blue card popped out of the slot in the counter.

“Two dollars.”

“Wow. Thought I was cheap.”

“We invest it hundreds of years ago. Compound interest…”

“Thanks.” Turkish Delight bent to pick up her bags, and every male in the room locked on like a radar defense grid. She slung the camcorder bag over her shoulder and surveyed the assortment of geeky tourists. The one in full plate mail caught her eye, but the logistics were alarming to consider. Loincloth, too far the other way… There! The Renaissance rogue. Very tasty.

Delight swayed over to him, enjoying his confident smirk at her approach. She batted her dark eyes.

“Hello,” he said, in a voice that made her knees weak. “You look familiar.”

Delight smiled shyly. “I get that a lot. My name’s Dee.”

“I’m Jacob.”

“Well, Jacob,” Delight purred, “I’m making a movie. Want to be in it?”

“Absolutely!”

“Great. Hope Constantinople is on your itinerary.”

“As a matter of fact, yes. When we’re done making movies, maybe you can help me.”

“Oh really? How?”

Jacob patted the bulging leather satchel hanging at this side. It seemed to shift a bit in protest.

“I need to find the black market.”

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Jerome Hung His Pompadoured Head in Shame

  1. by jenCharacter – Elvis impersonator
  2. Setting – prison
  3. Object – engagement ring
  4. Situation – unplanned amputation

Jerome hung his pompadoured head in shame. He was no longer fit to wear the spangly jumpsuit. He’d have to sell his collection of blue suede shoes to pay for his lawyer. It was either that or Lola’s pretty pink engagement ring, and he could never do that to her. Any woman who could overlook what he did was worth her weight in bacon. If only Lola’s mother hadn’t reached for the sandwich just as he was about to cut it…

Well, at least he’d get the chance to perfect his “Jailhouse Rock” dance routine. Hopefully the other inmates would be understanding.

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“Please, Jesus, Let Me Sleep!”

  1. by jenCharacter – 17 year old Jesus freak
  2. Setting – pool hall
  3. Object – chess pieces
  4. Situation – insomnia

“Please, Jesus, let me sleep!” the boy yelled. Hans had seen his type before. The WWJD t-shirt, the close-cropped hair, the earnest expression. A church youth group was in town for a field trip and the poor sod was overwhelmed.

He dropped to his knees on the pool table, scattering the few balls that remained.

“Oh lord, I am tired! Why do you torment me so?” he cried.

The old men in the corner looked surly and Hans knew they were on the verge of throwing their chess pieces at the boy. As amusing as that might be, Hans had a job to do, and that job was keeping the peace at Pappy’s Pool Palace.

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Signs Point To Yes

  1. by jenCharacter – Dick Clark’s evil dopplegänger
  2. Setting – Pere-Lachaise
  3. Object – Magic 8 Ball
  4. Situation – group sex

Signs point to yes.

“Excellent,” breathed Click Dark. “Excellent.” He tried to cackle, but it didn’t work. He carefully rested the Magic 8 Ball on Morrison’s tombstone and stepped back. The crowds were always thin this time of day in the fall, but he’d need to work quickly.

His blow gun made short work of the gendarme, and Dark was able to begin drawing the arcane symbols necessary for tonight’s ritual.

A group of Australian tourists was the first to fall into his trap. They quickly disrobed and began their gyrations. Dark started the video camera and smiled, feeling his own arousal. A lone French student and three Germans completed the group.

Dark watched the steam rise from the twelve nude bodies, and completed his calculations. The blond boy. He would be first. Dark stepped out of his trench coat and joined the group.

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I’m Going To Kill My Agent

  1. by jenCharacter – supermodel
  2. Setting – the world’s most inappropriate McDonald’s
  3. Object – phone number
  4. Situation – dropped contact

I’m going to kill my agent, thought Wifty, as she struggled valiantly to look thrilled. Wifty knew she had to make good on her contract so she wouldn’t get a bad rep with the industry. But, c’mon! If there was a less appropriate place for a McDonald’s, she’d like to know about it. Right in the middle of Victoria’s Secret? She was sure some geek had a fetish about girls in thongs and push-up bras scarfing french fries. Ugh! The smell of the fryers was drowning out the perfumed lacy underthings.

The stage manager tweaked Wifty’s nipples to perk them up, slid a bra strap off one shoulder, and handed her a Shamrock Shake. Then she was on the runway again, photogs leering and flashbulbs flaring. At the end of the runway she winked seductively and lost her contact.

Backstage she grabbed her cellphone and started dialing. Contract be damned.

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Two Figures Move Along The Catwalk

  1. Character – judge
  2. Setting – zeppelin
  3. Object – nail-gun
  4. Situation – hiccups

Two figures move along the catwalk, one in black robes and one in blue overalls. With his hands up, the robed man turns to face his captor.

“This won’t solve anything,” the judge says to the roofer.

“You put me away for a long <hic!> time,” drawls the man in overalls, menacing the judge wit his nail-gun.

Not long enough, thinks the judge. A low groaning sound permeates the superstructure as the Zeppelin Chambers – literally the highest court in the land – banks slightly to port.

“Careful with that. You’ll kill us all!” the judge implores.

“May <hic!>, maybe <hic!> that wouldn’t <hic!> be such a <hic!> bad thing!”

Oh why didn’t I take my gavel with me at recess? the judge lamented.

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Lolita Panned Around The Garden

  1. by jenCharacter – retired pearl diver
  2. Setting – botanical garden
  3. Object – camcorder
  4. Situation – quitting the order

Lolita panned around the garden with the camcorder, looking for the best view. The orchid display was exceptional, the delicate white and pink flowers providing startling contrast to the black rubber worn by all of today’s participants.

Lolita made sure the camera was white-balanced properly and sat back to wait.

Gustav and Yoko were finally ready. Their wetsuits got harder for them to struggle into each year.

After the swearing in of the initiates, it was finally time for the retirement ceremony. Lolita started filming, then left the tripod. Gustav and Yoko looked warmly at her, extending their hands for the ritual handshake.

Lolita choked back tears as they removed her triple-strand pearl necklace and oxygen tank. After the ceremonial returning of the flippers, it was all over.

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Hank Moved Swiftly

  1. Character – Ninja, just one week from retirement
  2. Setting – shopping mall
  3. Object – large pink balloon with 25 live bees inside
  4. Situation – obscene phone call

Hank moved swiftly and silently among pleated slacks, pursuing Max through menswear, both of them unnoticed by the many shoppers despite being locked in mortal combat. Hank had learned much in the food court. He knew this was a serious thing, that he could fail. Such dishonor, just a week from retirement.

He’d carried on his pursuit relentlessly from the far end of the mall, except when he’d moved swiftly and silently to the front of the line for frozen yogurt. He knew that others of Max’s clan were present. Battle was finally getting close. Max seemed to be slowing.

Hank sensed a trap, and changed from hound to fox just in time. Leaping unseen over the tops of the racks, he fled Sears. As he’d thought, three ninjas gave chase.

He wove among the crowd, seeking a place of refuge. There! Squeak’s Boutique would be a perfect hiding spot.

Diving headlong into a bin filled with anthropomorphic inflatables, Hank used his ninja skills to make himself as light as them. His pursuers entered. Live bees careened within a pink female balloon marked “special order” and he could hear the telemarketers in the back room making lurid suggestions to retirees. The searchers began to paw through the contents of the bin.

Light and bouncy, thought Hank, forming a perfect circle with his lips. Light and bouncy…

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Eli’s Pants

  1. by jenCharacter – the chosen one
  2. Setting – haunted house
  3. Object – mood pants
  4. Situation – unplanned amputation

Eli’s pants were a subtle shade of green that was almost blue. That meant he was calm. So far, so good.

The brooding, dark shell of the once-splendid mansion came into view at the end of the winding, tree-lined lane and Eli’s heartbeat quickened. His pants shaded over the line into turquoise. Very sensitive.

Standing in the light of the full moon, breathing deeply and keeping one hand on his VW for reassurance, Eli considered whether he was doing the right thing. Claire would still respect him if he didn’t go in. But would he respect himself?

As he took slow, deliberate steps toward the stone porch, a high-pitched keening sound erupted from somewhere deep inside the house. The mood pants began darkening toward indigo. After that was violet.

Nobody knew what came after violet. No one had ever gone that far and made it back to tell the tale.

But Eli would. He knew it.

Boldly he climbed the stairs and strode through the gaping front door. The place smelled like urine and citronella. Not a pleasing combination. The door creaked closed with a bang, and Eli’s pants were definitely purple. He shone his flashlight up and down them, checking for color uniformity.

As he moved deeper into the sprawling abode, Eli’s fear grew.

A large puddle of blood covered the floor outside the billiard room, wet and glistening. His flashlight beam skittered over the surface until he saw a hand. A severed hand, still twitching.

And then Eli knew. Beyond violet, the pants turned clear.

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And A Couch That Opened Out

During October we will be sharing passages that we’ve written independently from the same prompt.

  • and a couch that opened out
  • don’t make it just a flesh wound
  • Men’s wallets are like women’s purses
  • stealing a hat was beneath contempt
  • “Does that hurt?”
  • the biggest frog

Jen’s Take

by jenYolanda was the reigning queen of the Times Square pickpockets. So far no one had been able to top her score from the previous spring when she managed to lift both a Gucci bag and a couch that opened out into a trampoline from the same unsuspecting socialite.

Today Yolanda had to make an example of Jimmy the Hat Thief. As every pickpocket knew, stealing a hat was beneath contempt. Men’s wallets are like women’s purses, though, in the respectability hierarchy.

“Does that hurt?” Yolanda asked Jimmy as she poked him with the hat pin from his latest prize.

“Don’t make it just a flesh wound,” Deak encouraged, “or he’ll never learn his lesson.”

Yolanda considered, then said with an evil grin, “Bring me the biggest frog you can find in Central Park.”

Kent’s Take

“Does that hurt?” Hackney twisted the hatchet.

“Yes, but keep going. Don’t make it just a flesh wound, it has to be convincing.” Simpson gritted his teeth.

Stealing a hat was beneath contempt, but still drew notice from the law. A pound of flesh, or the biggest frog in the county, those were the choices.

Men’s wallets are like women’s purses, as far as the penalties for misuse. Karaoke. Bad business.

Better to pass on the right. Just spend one fitful night — choose between a bathtub and a couch that opened out.

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What do you think? Who handled this prompt better?