Tagged: bonus points

“I Ain’t No Mau-Mau”

  • by jenI ain’t no Mau-mau
  • said the flabbergasted writer
  • breast of alligator
  • inflection the echo of the heady times
  • actor-robots never panic

“I ain’t no Mau-mau,” said the flabbergasted writer as she declined the breast of alligator proffered by the mute servant. Even to her own ear her voice had a tremulous inflection, the echo of heady times sweeping the tropical capital where she was currently on assignment.

The prime minister was making an elaborate toast which the translator translated as “actor-robots never panic.”

The writer blinked in confusion.

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Everything Was Up For Grabs

  • k-avatarin such a cloister
  • from card tricks to chicks
  • like the truck says
  • she understood. She always did
  • no longer limited to swimming through gray jello

Everything was up for grabs in such a cloister, from card tricks to chicks. You just had to know what to say to the Sister in charge. You had to kneel, and tell her these four little words, “Like the truck says.”

She understood. She always did.

Then you followed her down a long, oppressively hot corridor. You smelled roses, and you heard crying behind closed doors. You followed the Sister in charge, and your eyelids itched and your ears started ringing, because you were so close. Just a few more steps and you’d be no longer limited to swimming through gray jello. Color and texture would be returned to your existence. For a while.

Unless that was the wrong kind of hilltop building, and the Sister in charge wouldn’t understand. Maybe there’s only the one cloister where it works that way.

But you go inside to see what’s up for grabs.

 

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Under the Full Glare

  • by jenthe full glare of publicity, with
  • the ambassador opened his mouth
  • Sweet Samantha
  • Your poor people was overwhelmed
  • the shifting cluster of rocks in that part

Under the full glare of publicity, with video cameras broadcasting his every word and gesture, the ambassador opened his mouth to offer his condolences to the Prime Minister. “Sweet Samantha,” he began, but instantly regretted the term of endearment. He started again, but was so flustered by his faux pas that he lost some of his hard-earned fluency in sweet, sweet Samantha’s native tongue. “Your poor people was overwhelmed by the shifting cluster of rocks in that part of the colony.” He faltered, too dismayed to continue.

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“You Really Should Make An Effort”

  • by jenbe sensitive to electrical fields
  • umbilical cord. It included
  • brought them succulent branches
  • once was plowed
  • I predict a lot of insomnia

“You really should make an effort to be sensitive to electrical fields,” my mother once said. “Their feelings are easily hurt.” So I made every effort when a couple of them moved in next door. I did some research into their customs and then prepared a gift basket tied up with a ribbon the exact color of an umbilical cord. It included many homemade goodies. The next day I brought them succulent branches of coca leaves from the field near our street that once was plowed, but has now been taken over by a drug cartel. I predict a lot of insomnia if they eat the leaves.

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“It Might Interest the Patient”

  • k-avatartheatrically emotional
  • accomplish
  • interest
  • circumcision

“It might interest the patient that his becoming theatrically emotional is entirely apropos in an operating theatre, but I would remind him that his state of mind will limit the effects of hypnosis, under which I shall accomplish his circumcision due to his refusal of any other anesthetic.”

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Do You Have Them Memorized?

  • k-avatarDo you have them memorized?
  • gravity tugging at her cheeks
  • pale glow rippling above the strongman’s skin
  • By the crossed eyes of the Jumbo!
  • I am captured!
  • as the animal disappeared
  • great plaid bags of trousers

“Do you have them memorized?” Zelda asked Lorenzo, prompting him to glance up from her breasts in embarrassment. Decades of gravity tugging at her cheeks had made her countenance sorrowful and her pants ill-fitting, yet had somehow left her bosom unravaged.

Lorenzo lifted the tent flap to peer outside, and decided it was safe. But after two strides, a pale glow rippling above the strongman’s skin told of his miscalculation as he suddenly froze in place.

“By the crossed eyes of the Jumbo! I am captured!”

Zelda poked her head out of the tent and immediately saw the culprit: a force-projecting depantser, which she recognized by its vermilion tailfeathers as the animal disappeared into the forest. Lorenzo would be fine in a moment, but his pants were gone forever, added to the depantser’s hoard. As Lorenzo blushed, Zelda imagined the cave, filled with great plaid bags of trousers.

 

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Three Years Ago

  • by jenembraced this tree and wept
  • screwing around with the girls
  • make rocks fry eggs
  • Larry “The Boot”
  • before the sound left my tongue
  • possibly due to the polka-dot bow tie

Three years ago I ran into this forest, embraced this tree, and wept. Three years ago I caught my boyfriend Larry screwing around with the girls from the nearby private academy. Three years ago I got so mad that the power of my fury was great enough to make rocks fry eggs in a 2 meter diameter circle around me, but when I opened my mouth to give Larry “The Boot,” as they say, something froze me before the sound left my tongue. I have spent the past three years trying to figure out why I couldn’t tell Larry off, and I have concluded that it was possibly due to the polka-dot bow tie he was wearing.

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Hand-Drawn and Pale-Colored

  • by jendrawn and pale
  • clay alien bust
  • that’s gotta come first
  • made my teeth sweat
  • leg had healed so well

Hand-drawn and pale-colored stars decorate the clay alien bust that is the centerpiece of the exhibit. Hieronymus Warhol describes the sculpting process like this: “Inspiration — that’s gotta come first, before the clay is ever touched. I had this idea and it was so good it made my teeth sweat, or maybe it was the pain medicine that made ’em sweat. My wife Fiona told me I should stop taking the medicine once my leg had healed so well, but I didn’t listen to her. And it’s a good thing I didn’t.”

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She Jumped At the Forbidden

  • k-avatarbright cherry fruit
  • impossibly enormous
  • whirling on the kitchen floor
  • pushed the popcorn at her
  • or jump out of the car
  • illegal glass of wine

She jumped at the forbidden, bright cherry fruit of an illegal glass of wine, laughing and swooning through the elegant dinner at Le Gourmangerie before I led her stumblingly to my convertible for the short drive to the drive-in where High School Musical 7 was showing and where I thought she might scream or jump out of the car when I pushed the popcorn at her impossibly enormous breasts, but she kept her cool and shared the buttery exploded kernels with me and asked me in after the ride to her place and soon enough we were whirling on the kitchen floor like a punctured beer can dropped by a clumsy pledge.

 

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Professor McMurphy

  • k-avatarsuch isolating topography
  • blanched, blotched, and faded
  • a beautiful double-cube room
  • some gigantic log spinning
  • slid into the huge four poster bed
  • why in all the hells

Professor McMurphy liked to follow a carefully planned curriculum, spending the early part of the semester on simple quadratics and such, isolating topography from less demanding material. But his students showed little appreciation, showering the professor with old cabbages that were blanched, blotched, and faded. He taught Abstruse Mathematics, lecturing in a beautiful double-cube room (216 square meters, 125 seats) in a prime location (room 97). Overhead, a mobile made of aluminum numerals slowly pivoted, like some enormous exponent or some gigantic log spinning in the air. But the students didn’t care.

Kelsie was by far the worst, but Professor McMurphy couldn’t flunk her. She knew too much. Where he was ticklish, mainly. That night, as she slid into the huge four poster bed beside him, he wondered why in all the hells she didn’t share his passion for math. Then he turned his mind to other things (computing the billionth digit of Pi) and turned his body to Kelsie.

 

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