Tagged: animal

As The Mumu Princess

  • by jenMay your rod soften!
  • perhaps a seal
  • now she was all sweet decorum
  • the Mumu princess came down
  • where the clumped kelp grew
  • upon one elbow

As the mumu princess came down the church aisle, Lola the wedding planner admired her fanciful wedding gown, especially where the clumped kelp grew upon one elbow in the shape of an aquatic mammal — perhaps a seal, perhaps a sea lion.

It was a miracle they’d gotten the stubborn girl out of her mumus. Lola and her staff had earned their money there. With the help of the bride’s own father they’d convinced her something dressier than a flowing, shapeless robe was called for.

The mumu princess was furious with her father for interfering. She’d even yelled, “May your rod soften!” which seemed to Lola a wholly inappropriate insult to hurl at one’s father.

The mumu princess’s anger cooled eventually, she acquiesced, and now she was all sweet decorum.

Lola wished her new husband luck.

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Your Guinea Pigs Would Ask

  • “You were hunting whales?”
  • nine minutes by railway
  • linking his eyeball movements to the computer
  • You need a tiger
  • your guinea pigs would
  • taking a cocktail napkin

Your guinea pigs would ask, “You were hunting whales?” their piping voices protesting in unison and three-part harmony. And you’d reply that it was none of their business and go to your office, nine minutes by railway from your dingy garden apartment. On the way, you’d contemplate what’s missing in your life. You need a tiger, a security tiger with a special implant linking his eyeball movements to the computer. He might eat your guinea pigs, for which you would be grateful. You imagine him taking a cocktail napkin from the stack on the credenza and daintily blotting his whiskers. No more judgemental guinea pigs. They don’t know how it was, with those whales.

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“You Terwilliger?”

  • by jenthe minister started to protest
  • You Terwilliger?
  • a skull with candy lettering
  • a tapestry of golden bees
  • jerked the boy upward
  • an alien tongue

“You Terwilliger?” the burly man demanded.

The minister started to protest that he was not, in fact, Terwilliger, but then he realized that the burly man was not talking to him. The minister turned his attention and saw a teenage boy standing behind him in line, clutching a skull with candy lettering that read something unintelligible in an alien tongue. On his chin a tapestry of golden bees formed the beard that puberty had not yet provided.

The burly man jerked the boy upward, scattering the bee beard into an angry cloud.

“The boss has been waiting for that,” the burly man said, indicating the decorated skull and dragging the boy inside the nightclub.

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Lady Emily Walked Her Horse

  • by jenthey would be eating lunch
  • if they contain a fish tooth
  • felt slick and slippery
  • looked like an awkward-legged deer
  • walked her horse as slow as you please
  • the hideous creature roaming the woods

Lady Emily walked her horse as slow as you please on the path through the forest. Everyone at the manor house would be waiting for her. If not for her absence they would be eating lunch. But a lady never hurries.

Of course Lady Emily had heard the rumors of the hideous creature roaming the woods, but had paid them no heed. Why should she listen to the ramblings of peasants? As if they contain a fish tooth of wisdom!

Movement in the trees off to her left caught Lady Emily’s attention. It looked like an awkward-legged deer until it snarled and pounced.

The reins suddenly felt slick and slippery in Lady Emily’s grip as her mount whinnied in fright, and bolted.

Quick as you please, Lady Emily found herself unseated. She thumped gracelessly to the ground and turned to face the Beast.

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Guillermo Whispered

  • surprisingly good British
  • had transformed the fox
  • across the blue waves
  • as always in ritual
  • the tickle of his mustache
  • it’s the city of victims now

Guillermo whispered in my ear, “It’s the city of victims now,” in a surprisingly good British accent. The tickle of his mustache awakened those shuddering desires that once before had transformed the fox into a tiger.

He spoke in gloom, of a distant perished land across the blue waves. But as always in ritual, the weight of feeling is kept askew and doesn’t become a burden.

He touched my shoulder and left me to shudder alone.

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Oedipus Giggled

  • sometimes I get overzealous
  • bouncing a diapered kangaroo on my knee
  • the bird in the paper bag
  • Oedipus giggled all the way home
  • make an asparagus omelet
  • sleep-taught toilet training
  • me and my herniated module

Oedipus giggled all the way home from his therapy session, smitten by the idea that all of his troubles were the result of sleep-taught toilet training.

The bird in the paper bag said, “Sometimes I get overzealous,” and it was true. The bag had nearly filled up with eggs by the time Oedipus reached his house. He planned to make an asparagus omelet, but thought it prudent not to inform the bird.

When he opened the door, his jaw and the bag of eggs both hit the floor. There I sat, bouncing a diapered kangaroo on my knee.

“Should you be doing that?” Oedipus asked.

He always worries about me and my herniated module.

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Oh Hell

  • a paper cup of hot chocolate
  • sat neatly on the back of her neck
  • Allan Goth, the unshutupable
  • Nothing exotic.
  • She’s a trained beautician
  • “Well, Dr Greenlea,”
  • we’re going to nail Aaron’s ex-wife
  • The red-haired boy was on his left
  • Oh hell
  • I disagree with this brash fool

Oh hell. Here comes Allan Goth, the unshutupable. He’ll have some screwball order, as usual. “What’ll it be today, Al?”

“Nothing exotic. A paper cup of hot chocolate, with an olive.”

“Comin’ right up.” Weirdo.

“And later,” here he goes, he’ll talk all night, “we’re going to nail Aaron’s ex-wife. She’s a trained beautician if I’m a kangaroo. Which I’m not. Jeff should have listened to me and had his nails done at Mario’s, the red-haired boy was on his left and they were really hitting it off. I said he should stay, but he announced ‘I disagree with this brash fool‘ like he has any real sense of his own, I mean Aaron told him never to go near his ex but what do you think he did next?”

“Well, Dr Greenlea, my mom’s gynecologist, would say –”

“Screw that quack. He wasn’t even there. So Jeff lost a finger, long story short, and Aaron’s ex just saddled her mare and left. But I don’t know where she got such an odd saddle. And the horse must be a masochist if she likes it. The saddle she used sat neatly on the back of her neck.”

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We Never Did Manage

  • I can bring a wild duck
  • kissed me on the lips
  • Monique had been faithless
  • distrust turned to horror
  • and brandy if the gentlemen wish
  • He wriggled and wailed

We never did manage to make our picnic plans. Hector had just announced, “I can bring a wild duck, and brandy if the gentlemen wish,” when Silas’s indiscretions boomeranged in front of everyone.

Silas opened the conference room door and sidled in. At first I was happy at his unexpected arrival, but then Monique broke down in sobs and fled the room. Confused, I looked to Silas for an explanation and read the misery in his eyes.

“Valerie,” he began, tears choking off the rest of his worlds. He wriggled and wailed and kissed me on the lips, although I didn’t kiss him back. I could not trust him, his erratic behavior. Distrust turned to horror as I realized Monique had been faithless as a friend, faithless to her own husband, and Silas was a sorry fool to whom I had given half my life.

So the picnic plans kind of never got worked out.

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Her Eyes Closed, Her Mouth Shut

  • like two chicken pies warming at noon
  • all five of them
  • We just got to see Chicago, by god!
  • amidst his squirrel friends with a bag of nuts
  • gaze pensively off into the mists
  • her eyes closed, her mouth shut

Her eyes closed, her mouth shut. Or maybe it was the other way around. She left her boyfriend to gaze pensively off into the mists amidst his squirrel friends with a bag of nuts dangling from his hand, forgotten.

Like two chicken pies warming at noon with no one around to eat them, so did their hearts beat side-by-side but not together.

This boyfriend was like all the rest — all five of them were listless mist-gazers, pensive and befriended by arboreal rodents.

“This road trip is over,” she declared.

“But why?” the boyfriend whined. “We just got to see Chicago, by god!”

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All We Had To Eat

  • which stank as if hyenas had once lived there
  • a little knob on its side
  • scraped off the rhino skulls
  • meat and berries
  • voles, grouse, foxes
  • their hair was curly, but only loosely so
  • consisted of a skin loin cloth

All we had to eat was meat and berries, which had to be scraped off the rhino skulls. One skull had a little knob on its side, and Edgar claimed it for his own exclusive use. Mine was yellowed, an ancient specimen which stank as if hyenas had once lived there. Already I’d lost twelve pounds.

I was on the trail of voles, grouse, foxes, or fish when I discovered the other encampment. Their hair was curly, but only loosely so. I drew a map on the only suitable material I possessed, which consisted of a skin loincloth.

It was at that moment, scribbling away with a dirty stick at the underside of my meager garment, that I first laid eyes on Minerva.

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