Tagged: animal

Enrique Stared at the Small Blue Puddle

  1. by jenCharacter – bounty hunter
  2. Setting – billabong
  3. Object – sno-cone, funnel cake, candy apple, hot sausage sandwich
  4. Situation – lost

Enrique stared at the small blue puddle as it slowly seeped into the marshy ground. The crumpled paper cone joined the sticky remains of the candy apple in his rucksack and he took a moment to survey his surroundings.

The billabong was a festering miasma of life that stretched for another 20 feet before the river dried up again. Enrique swatted a mosquito on his calf and wished he hadn’t eaten his hot sausage sandwich so long ago. Bugs in general avoided him as he sweated out the sausage stink.

He hoped he would find his quarry soon, and preferably not in the jaws of a crocodile.

Enrique stepped out of the shade as a sudden downpour commenced. It did nothing to abate the sweltering heat and it ruined his innate sense of direction.

Damn. He’d never find his way back to the ranger station now. He was lost, at least until the rain stopped.

A paper plate with the sodden remains of a funnel cake floated toward him on the newly reconstituted river. Enrique froze. He might be able to snare his prey and collect his bounty after all. The funnel cake was still warm.

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“I Never Should Have Gone To That Frat Party”

  1. by jenCharacter – recently hypnotized male college student
  2. Setting – whorehouse
  3. Object – large pink balloon with 25 live bees inside
  4. Situation – servicing the addiction

“I never should have gone to that frat party,” Josh grumbled. The situation he found himself in grew stranger and more worrisome by the second. Josh tried to remember what had happened.

At Kappa Delta Rho house, the brothers had decided to try something different. Instead of a band, which inevitably led to noise citations, they hired a hypnotist for entertainment. Josh thought that it was supposed to be the girls who were hypnotized out of their inhibitions (and clothes), but he wound up being one of the first “volunteers.”

Next thing he knew, he was here, wearing a frilly, pink and white teddy and holding an oversized pink balloon.

And now the balloon was buzzing.

Josh gave the balloon a shake and the buzzing grew angrier. Something inside thumped against the taut membrane. Josh frantically ripped at the white ribbon which connected it to his arm, to no avail.

The red velvet wallpaper and faux-fur bedspread added to Josh’s unease, as did the rhythmic creaking of bedsprings and regular grunts from the other side of the wall.

Josh drew his knees up to his chest and hugged himself, the balloon bobbing just above his head.

Moments later a hidden door opened and two people entered. One was a middle-aged woman in a long silky robe and fluffy, high-heeled slippers. The other was the university president, wearing a cowboy outfit.

“Thank you, Miss Kitty. This one looks mighty purty,” the president said.

“Don’t you go hurtin’ this one, Tex,” the madam replied.

“I won’t, I won’t. Are all the bees in there?”

Josh glanced worriedly at his balloon.

“All 25,” the madam said, and left the room, closing the door behind her.

The university president peered down at Josh while slipping out of his spangly, fringed shirt. “Well now, Missy. There’s no need to be so worried. As soon as I get my bee fix, we’ll get down to business.” He popped the balloon.

Josh screamed.

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Morton’s Eyesight

  1. Character – pedophile
  2. Setting – hotel under the face on Mars
  3. Object – blood splatter
  4. Situation – swarming insects

Morton’s eyesight was getting dim for some time before he realized there was anything wrong. He felt safe in his suit, foolishly, and just kept trudging along through the locust swarm. But Martian locusts have razor-sharp wing sheaths and one of these had sliced the airhose. One then clipped his arm, cutting suit and skin, and spilling Morton’s blood on the red planet.

These hikes were supposed to be safe. Those kids left the hotel with no more protection than him, their darling little suits making their movements all the more endearing.

But after tailing them for only ten minutes, he’d lost them.

Morton slumped to his knees, and then keeled over onto his back. His face looked remarkably like the satellite images on the hotel stationery.

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Looking Down At The Pile Of Sawdust

  1. by jenCharacter – split-personality juggler
  2. Setting – prison
  3. Object – pile of sawdust
  4. Situation – pregnancy

Looking down at the pile of sawdust, Simone laughed. What sort of fools would build a prison with wooden bars? She hoisted herself into the window and shimmied down to the ground outside.

It was all just a big misunderstanding, of course. No one had told her it was illegal to juggle piglets within city limits. But ignorance of the law is no excuse. She’d been found guilty and sent to prison for two years. Normally Simone was a law abiding citizen. She would never dream of escaping. But she’d be damned it she’d let her baby be born in prison.

Dr Jacoby had warned her, “One of your personalities is male, so you should always use protection when you masturbate.” But the warden hadn’t listened, and Simon had been so lonely…

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“Pierre, Get The Eel.”

  1. Character – French circus performer
  2. Setting – the principal’s office
  3. Object – live eel
  4. Situation – power outage

“Pierre, get the eel.”

“Oui, Monsieur Crampton.”

Jacques blundered out of the office, knowing it would make no difference if he corrected the man about his name. After all, he mused, do not all the French look the same in the dark?

Also, he decided to bring candles, as well as the eel. It was not, after all, electric, and would not be of any use to drive back the darkness.

Halfway to the supply room, he resolved to run away from the circus. The wrongness of the preposition infected the whole proposition and he abandoned his resolve. Besides, they’d track him down. Like they tracked down Crampton.

Why, oh why hadn’t they just left him to run that wretched school?

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Instant Writing Prompts!

Back in the day, we had to pull slips of actual paper out of actual envelopes, like animals.

But now, a Four Elements writing prompt can be yours for the low-low price of just clicking your mouse! That’s right, we threatened to withhold the thing they hold most dear*, and the webcode monkeys shrieked in dismay for a minute or two before cranking out a fully automated, 21st-century, totally paperless version of our musty envelope-based system.

Take it for a spin! We’ve always found these prompts are a great way to get warmed up before doing “real” writing, not to mention fertile soil for our favorite brand of sophomoric humor. We encourage you to use the comments to share what you come up with. (Be sure to include the elements list the generator gave you!)

*Mountain Dew

The Cops Swarmed

  1. by jenCharacter – Pirate
  2. Setting – A smelly, gray beach
  3. Object – Handful of dirt
  4. Situation – Police search

The cops swarmed all over the beach. It had once been pristine, but was now gray with fingerprint powder, and stank of both sweaty detectives and wet dogs. The K-9 unit was enjoying the outing at least.

Black Kent stroked his beard with his wrist stump. Of course they had taken his hook when they’d placed him under arrest. His mood was blacker than his moniker. When were they going to admit that they had no evidence? As soon as they released him from this blasted squad car, he’d be on his ship and sailing for the southern hemisphere.

A uniformed officer ran up with a handful of dirt. “Sarge, I think I found something!”

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And A Couch That Opened Out

During October we will be sharing passages that we’ve written independently from the same prompt.

  • and a couch that opened out
  • don’t make it just a flesh wound
  • Men’s wallets are like women’s purses
  • stealing a hat was beneath contempt
  • “Does that hurt?”
  • the biggest frog

Jen’s Take

by jenYolanda was the reigning queen of the Times Square pickpockets. So far no one had been able to top her score from the previous spring when she managed to lift both a Gucci bag and a couch that opened out into a trampoline from the same unsuspecting socialite.

Today Yolanda had to make an example of Jimmy the Hat Thief. As every pickpocket knew, stealing a hat was beneath contempt. Men’s wallets are like women’s purses, though, in the respectability hierarchy.

“Does that hurt?” Yolanda asked Jimmy as she poked him with the hat pin from his latest prize.

Don’t make it just a flesh wound,” Deak encouraged, “or he’ll never learn his lesson.”

Yolanda considered, then said with an evil grin, “Bring me the biggest frog you can find in Central Park.”

Kent’s Take

“Does that hurt?” Hackney twisted the hatchet.

“Yes, but keep going. Don’t make it just a flesh wound, it has to be convincing.” Simpson gritted his teeth.

Stealing a hat was beneath contempt, but still drew notice from the law. A pound of flesh, or the biggest frog in the county, those were the choices.

Men’s wallets are like women’s purses, as far as the penalties for misuse. Karaoke. Bad business.

Better to pass on the right. Just spend one fitful night — choose between a bathtub and a couch that opened out.

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What do you think? Who handled this prompt better?

Object Lesson!

During October we will be sharing passages that we’ve written independently from the same prompt.

  • object lesson!
  • their moans and their heavy breathing
  • clay and seashell stew
  • the bared teeth of the cornered carnivore
  • in a robe of some plastic fabric

Jen’s Take

by jenMargaret stared at the TV in horror. She was watching the new DVD release of Season 1 of her favorite childhood cartoon, “Crustacean Clay and Seashell Stew,” and not until that moment did she realize how heavy the homoeroticism on the show was.

Seashell Stew gave Crustacean Clay a massage while Crustacean Clay was in a robe of some plastic fabric that made disturbing rustling sounds under Seashell Stew’s hands. Later the duo went to the gym to wrestle, and their moans and their heavy breathing sounded unmistakeably sexual to Margaret’s scandalized ears.

She caught her own reflection in the mirror above the TV and was surprised to see she sported the bared teeth of the cornered carnivore.

“To anyone who wishes to relive their innocent childhoods, let this be a cautionary object lesson!” Margaret cried in horror.

 

Kent’s Take

I recognized Milton and Dante by their moans and their heavy breathing before I entered the room and saw them entwined in an old shower curtain. They were like a tantric Hindu god in a robe of some plastic fabric.

“Now that is one kinky object lesson!” I crowed. Then I cackled and ran out the back door and into the surf, my feet churning the clay and seashell stew, seasoning it with acute discomfort.

In the failing light, it took me too long to understand what the receding tide had done. The cove was cut off by a sandbar about 30 yards out, and in the pathetic little lake of saltwater it embraced loomed a strange dark shape. A killer whale trapped in the shallows.

The bared teeth of the cornered carnivore gleamed in the moonlight.

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What do you think? Who handled this prompt better?

And Your Stomach Is Invaded By Butterflies

During October we will be sharing passages that we’ve written independently from the same prompt.

  • and your stomach is invaded by butterflies
  • the place of the courageous and the beautiful
  • lick ice cream and savor sugared almonds
  • splashing waterfalls and frothing rivers
  • Mexico’s most beautiful señorita
  • in Easter-Rabbit costumes

Kent’s Take

It is the place of the courageous and the beautiful to lick ice cream and savor sugared almonds, and it is their right to do so in Easter-Rabbit costumes. For Mexico’s most beautiful señorita, these pleasures are an art form. When you look upon her, with her frozen treats and her floppy ears, your mind is aswirl with splashing waterfalls and frothing rivers, and your stomach is invaded by butterflies. Courageous and beautiful butterflies.

 

Jen’s Take

by jen“Welcome to the land of splashing waterfalls and frothing rivers, the place of the courageous and the beautiful, otherwise known as Las Vegas, Nevada’s legalized brothel, Madame Ibernia’s!” cried Ibernia Patience, waving her arms broadly.

Behind her, two sultry ladies in Easter-Rabbit costumes winked and gyrated.

Frank Pax smiled. Bernie always knew how to surprise him.

Fatima entered, wearing a gypsy-like costume.

“Tonight,” Ibernia said, “you will enjoy Mexico’s most beautiful señorita,” she indicated Fatima, “from whose body you will lick ice cream, and savor sugared almonds from her navel!

And your stomach is invaded by butterflies at the thought, isn’t it Frankie?” murmured Fatima.

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What do you think? Who handled this prompt better?