Tagged: alcohol

Gertrude Lifted Up the Lid of the Coffin

  • by jencarried them off on a ship to Denmark
  • escape from one calamity
  • lifted up the lid of the coffin
  • and rubbed it
  • having dosed him with liquor

Gertrude lifted up the lid of the coffin and found it empty, save the white satin pillow. She sighed. “They were at least able to escape from one calamity,” she said to Rupert.

Rupert smiled grimly. “While I am relieved to know that Tristan and Stephen weren’t buried alive, I become increasingly concerned that some nefarious force has carried them off on a ship to Denmark where it will be exceedingly difficult for us to find and rescue them.”

Gertrude patted Rupert on the shoulder. She was not surprised that his mood was maudlin, having dosed him with liquor herself to fortify his courage.

Rupert dropped his aching, gin-soaked head into his hands and rubbed it.

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“Get On With It!”

  1. k-avatarCharacter – morose existentialist
  2. Setting – rowboat
  3. Object – bottle of champagne, box of saltines, jar of caviar, bag of pork rinds, candy cane
  4. Situation – first day at the new job

“Get on with it!” Vernon’s irritation had overflowed the vessel he kept it in, and he  shouted everything he said. “Launch the goddamn boat!”

Maurice grasped the neck of the magnum of Dom Perignon, half-lidded eyes directed at the prow of the boat. The “Cygnet” rested in dry dock awaiting her maiden voyage. This morning, Maurice had begun his new job of christening each new vessel assembled by Barking Brothers’ Boatworks, and this twelve-foot rowboat would be his third launch.

The Vice-Presidents of Sales and Operations sat aboard the Cygnet, eating caviar on saltines, while Vernon Barking munched pork rinds and Vincent Barking sucked a candy cane.

“Smash the bottle!” Vernon screamed, showering all with porcine crumbs.

Maurice sighed. “Are not all our moments like the christening of a ship? Each breath, an uncertain endeavor in what could be a leaky deathtrap?”

He swung the bottle listlessly and jolted the Cygnet from her moorings, and she capsized amid the shrieks of corporate executives.

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“Does He Expect Us”

by jenIn this special holiday edition, the stichomancy prompt phrases were all taken from Christmas carols. Jen went in a different direction with it, though. Happy holidays!

  • you can do the job when you’re in town
  • me, I want a hula hoop
  • with a broomstick in his hand
  • dressed up like Eskimos
  • later on we’ll conspire
  • down through the chimney

“Does he expect us to go down through the chimney?” I asked, incredulous. “That place is impregnable. There’s a guard at every door, and I don’t mean the kind with a broomstick in his hand. I mean the kind with guns.”

“Boss says ‘you can do the job when you’re in town,'” replied my partner in crime. “Like it’s easy to assassinate traitors in broad daylight. The man hasn’t been out in the field in at least a decade. His expectations are unreasonable.”

I downed another shot before replying. “When he was on active duty, the Russians all dressed up like Eskimos. Made ’em easy to spot. Let’s just do this damn job. Later on we’ll conspire about a coup.”

The bartender approached. “Another round?”

My partner perused the drinks menu, then said, “Me, I want a hula hoop.”

“Make it two.”

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Fiery Ball Of Gas

During October we will be sharing passages that we’ve written independently from the same prompt.

  • fiery ball of gas
  • devotional delicacy
  • Skinner box
  • emotional maturity
  • serving up

Jen’s Take

by jen“The eucharist is so bland,” whined Reggie. “Can’t the nuns whip up a devotional delicacy with more zip? Maybe they could add wasabi.”

“That would be like serving up a fiery ball of gas!” shrieked Jen.

The two collapsed in giggles, displaying the emotional maturity of grade-schoolers, and clutching their nearly empty margaritas.

The other patrons of The Skinner Box, the newest bar in town, had already learned to avoid the two co-authors whenever they appeared for Happy Hour.

 

Kent’s Take

Johnson liked to watch Skinner box. Serving up whoop-ass like a devotional delicacy, take of this left hook, for it is about to rattle your brainstem…

This secret pleasure didn’t show much emotional maturity, but that was the reason for keeping it secret. Outwardly, Johnson gave every sign of detesting the brutal spectacle. But it flooded her with arousal like a fiery ball of gas. Unless that was the pork rinds…

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What do you think? Who handled this prompt better?

Lord Bolliet’s Alcoholic Haze

  • by jena still-damp, raw-boned gelding
  • had not seen any “girls” at the house
  • in London or Kent he could have obtained
  • French breeding — but
  • Lord Bolliet’s alcoholic haze

Lord Bolliet’s alcoholic haze made it difficult for him to disguise his aristocratic French breeding — but his very life depended on it this dangerous evening. The revolutionaries were on the hunt tonight. In London or Kent he could have obtained forged travel papers, but here in Canterbury he had no allies, no one to turn to in his time of desperation. All the ale he’d imbibed made him feel like a still-damp, raw-boned gelding on the way to the glue factory. Bolliet shook his head, not for the first time, and returned to his solitary vigil. He hoped to find a safe place to hide for a few days and  had set his sights upon the rundown inn across the lane. So far he had not seen any “girls” at the house, but did not fully trust his ale-sozzled faculties and, so, determined to crouch in the hedgerow a while longer.

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We Never Did Manage

  • I can bring a wild duck
  • kissed me on the lips
  • Monique had been faithless
  • distrust turned to horror
  • and brandy if the gentlemen wish
  • He wriggled and wailed

We never did manage to make our picnic plans. Hector had just announced, “I can bring a wild duck, and brandy if the gentlemen wish,” when Silas’s indiscretions boomeranged in front of everyone.

Silas opened the conference room door and sidled in. At first I was happy at his unexpected arrival, but then Monique broke down in sobs and fled the room. Confused, I looked to Silas for an explanation and read the misery in his eyes.

“Valerie,” he began, tears choking off the rest of his worlds. He wriggled and wailed and kissed me on the lips, although I didn’t kiss him back. I could not trust him, his erratic behavior. Distrust turned to horror as I realized Monique had been faithless as a friend, faithless to her own husband, and Silas was a sorry fool to whom I had given half my life.

So the picnic plans kind of never got worked out.

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The Adult Conspiracy

  • a ninety percent chance of success!by jen
  • a large raindrop, then another
  • to cook in spite of her protests
  • when I emerged from customs
  • adult conspiracy to spoil Beatrice
  • drawing back from his kisses
  • with its own gin palace

The adult conspiracy to spoil Beatrice‘s appetite stood a ninety percent chance of success! They continued to cook in spite of her protests that she wanted to save room for dinner, like her momma said she should, and soon tears fell from her eyes like a large raindrop, then another.

I knew when I emerged from customs that this was an unusual country – with its own gin palace at the airport and everything. Beatrice’s mother could be seen there, through the window, flirting shamelessly with a man who was not her husband, but drawing back from his kisses just in time. Did she know what the customs officials were trying to do, right then, to her darling daughter’s diet?

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