Seeing This Hulking Madman
kiss me as much as he wants- farcical aquatic ceremony
- most of his bones, but not all
- eat nachos in front of strangers
- like something out of a horror movie
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Seeing this hulking madman clutch Tessa’s head while he ranted about hissing lunar apparitions was like something out of a horror movie. I wanted to incapacitate him, bludgeon him, make him eat nachos in front of strangers, and then break most of his bones, but not all of them. But I was in no position to take action as long as he held my beloved’s skull in those enormous mitts.
“I said the word,” I asserted. “You know I did. Now let her go.”
Pamplemousse squinted at me. “You said a word, but was it the word? To me you just sounded like an inner tube that sprang a leak during a farcical aquatic ceremony and sank one of the participants.”
“I thought I sounded like I was in league with the blurry banshees.”
“So you admit it!” he crowed.
“No, you buffoon!” I paused to take a breath before I said anything that would anger him. “If we’re done conferring you can release the lady’s ears.”
Zeus Pamplemousse glanced at Tessa as if he’d forgotten she was there. He let go of her head. He mumbled something and she nodded. He leaned in and they kissed.
“Hey!” I cried.
“Don’t (mmph!) worry! (mwah!)” Tessa said, turning her gaze my way. “I told him he can kiss me as much as he wants for five minutes and we’ll just forget about the whole ‘say the word’ business.”
bonus points for using them in reverse order