“Say No More!”

  • by jenand things of that nature
  • has a living raccoon on his head
  • witchcraft-induced hair color change
  • losing sleep all week because of this
  • I will come and claim you

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“Say no more!” the emcee chortled with an elaborate wink. “You are clearly a discerning gentleman.” He went on in a highly suspicious British accent, insinuating that I must have elaborate fetishes and fantasies, and things of that nature. It’s hard to take a man seriously when it looks like he either has a living raccoon on his head, or perhaps merely witchcraft-induced hair color change. What I’m saying is, the theatre would benefit from a higher wig budget. But it’s not like I’ll be losing sleep all week because of this, or anything: I’m not a theatre critic anymore.

I gestured for the show to continue, vaguely curious about the amazing sex fundamentals I had been promised.

“During intermission I will come and claim your winning ticket!” the emcee (or his wig) threatened with another lewd wink. “And now, on with the show!”

The orchestra worked itself into a frenzy.

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