Looking Down At The Pile Of Sawdust

  1. by jenCharacter – split-personality juggler
  2. Setting – prison
  3. Object – pile of sawdust
  4. Situation – pregnancy

Looking down at the pile of sawdust, Simone laughed. What sort of fools would build a prison with wooden bars? She hoisted herself into the window and shimmied down to the ground outside.

It was all just a big misunderstanding, of course. No one had told her it was illegal to juggle piglets within city limits. But ignorance of the law is no excuse. She’d been found guilty and sent to prison for two years. Normally Simone was a law abiding citizen. She would never dream of escaping. But she’d be damned it she’d let her baby be born in prison.

Dr Jacoby had warned her, “One of your personalities is male, so you should always use protection when you masturbate.” But the warden hadn’t listened, and Simon had been so lonely…

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Worth A Thousand Words

At this point in our process we have most of the preliminary work done, and are simply filling in details as we get ramped up for the actual Writing of the First Draft (cue fanfare of harps). We have our cast of characters, all of whom have fantastic names, and we just need to agree about their physical descriptions so we can both write effectively.

We could just say “Mary has blue eyes and brown hair. She’s tall.” But that leaves too much room for interpretation. We could say, “Mary is pretty,” but, again, that’s too open ended. Both Cate Blanchett and Reese Witherspoon are pretty and blonde, but they don’t look much alike.

Google image search to the rescue! We like to scour the internet to find pictures of people who resemble our characters. It’s not procrastination, honest! Sometimes there’s one person who is a good match, and sometimes we have to make our own Franken-celebrity, combining body parts from several different people to make the perfect inspiration. It’s not as creepy as it sounds.

Once we have some example photos, we are able to envision the character the same way, and describe them consistently. And of course we don’t just say, “Mary looked like Scarlett Johansson,” because that would be cheating.

Ursula Carefully Examined

  1. Character – “Bounty” hunter
  2. Setting – vestibule of the time travel agency
  3. Object – compact
  4. Situation – the llama escaped!

Ursula carefully examined the image in her compact. She switched it to conventional mode, and checked her reflection. She looked hot.

Six Einsteins were quarreling with the receptionist, insisting that it doesn’t work like this. A separate window had been opened for the retrograde travelers, staffed by an agent who was fluent in Backwards.

You’ve made quite a mess this time, Llama, but your scheme to escape through time will be your own undoing.

This was a job for the Quicker-Picker-Upper.

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Signs Point To Yes

  1. by jenCharacter – Dick Clark’s evil dopplegänger
  2. Setting – Pere-Lachaise
  3. Object – Magic 8 Ball
  4. Situation – group sex

Signs point to yes.

“Excellent,” breathed Click Dark. “Excellent.” He tried to cackle, but it didn’t work. He carefully rested the Magic 8 Ball on Morrison’s tombstone and stepped back. The crowds were always thin this time of day in the fall, but he’d need to work quickly.

His blow gun made short work of the gendarme, and Dark was able to begin drawing the arcane symbols necessary for tonight’s ritual.

A group of Australian tourists was the first to fall into his trap. They quickly disrobed and began their gyrations. Dark started the video camera and smiled, feeling his own arousal. A lone French student and three Germans completed the group.

Dark watched the steam rise from the twelve nude bodies, and completed his calculations. The blond boy. He would be first. Dark stepped out of his trench coat and joined the group.

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By Any Other Name

Recently we talked about naming the setting for our new novel, but we haven’t talked much about naming characters. Up until we mentioned it, you probably didn’t even realize that characters should have names, right?

Obviously you know that your characters need good names, and that the names need to fit the genre you’re writing in. Instead of harping on that, or trying to explain what makes a good character name, we’re going to talk about how we come to an agreement on names for our characters.

In a nutshell, Jen does it. Kent has, shall we say, questionable taste in names. He’s usually happy to just pull a name out of the air and saddle some poor character with it forever. Jen, as we’ve mentioned before, loves backstory in every form, and will happily sit for hours poring over baby name books and websites in search of a name with the right feel for the new character. She gets to name the characters because she cares more.

That’s not to say that Jen has absolute authority over character names. Kent has veto power (usually), and even makes the occasional suggestion. Once she’s done making faces and explaining why his suggestion is wrong, Jen pats Kent on the head, rolls up her sleeves, and gets to work.

There are times when a character is presented to Kent with a complete name attached. More often, Jen will create a list of potential name combinations and together we will discuss pros and cons. For this new work, Sam was on the table as a possibility, but it turns out that pretty much whatever surname you put with that, Kent thinks it sounds like a noir detective. Since none of our characters are noir detectives, that ruled Sam out.

This process is another way to make sure you and your writing partner have the same image of a character. If one of you wants to name the heroine Felicity Fairchild and the other thinks she ought to be called Jinx, there’s a fundamental disconnect that needs to be rectified before you jump into composition. Iron out these bugs before you start and you’ll save yourselves a lot of headaches come editing time.

If neither you nor your partner have the naming bug, you could say that whoever creates the character, or writes their debut scene, gets the honor (or chore) of naming them. What method do you and your writing partner use?

“There You Are”

  1. Character – tooth fairy
  2. Setting – gazebo
  3. Object – bagpipes
  4. Situation – suicidal tendencies

“There you are. Why’d you run off?”

“I can’t go on. You don’t understand.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I have a bottle of nightshade. Go away.”

“You can’t mean to –”

“Go! You sellout! What do you know?”

Lucky bit back his reply. The cereal contract made some of the traditionalists, like Toothy, look down on him. Sharp words would only worsen this situation.

“Maybe you just need a vacation. A couple of us could stand in for you for a bit.”

“Just go away. Leave my dignity.” The Tooth Fairy stood dramatically in the gazebo. But Lucky knew she was serious.

While they’d argued, a dozed kilted men had lined up in the park and were now filling their bagpipes.

Toothy eyed her bottle. “No more teeth.”

The pipers began Amazing Grace.

Great, thought Lucky, that’ll help.

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I’m Going To Kill My Agent

  1. by jenCharacter – supermodel
  2. Setting – the world’s most inappropriate McDonald’s
  3. Object – phone number
  4. Situation – dropped contact

I’m going to kill my agent, thought Wifty, as she struggled valiantly to look thrilled. Wifty knew she had to make good on her contract so she wouldn’t get a bad rep with the industry. But, c’mon! If there was a less appropriate place for a McDonald’s, she’d like to know about it. Right in the middle of Victoria’s Secret? She was sure some geek had a fetish about girls in thongs and push-up bras scarfing french fries. Ugh! The smell of the fryers was drowning out the perfumed lacy underthings.

The stage manager tweaked Wifty’s nipples to perk them up, slid a bra strap off one shoulder, and handed her a Shamrock Shake. Then she was on the runway again, photogs leering and flashbulbs flaring. At the end of the runway she winked seductively and lost her contact.

Backstage she grabbed her cellphone and started dialing. Contract be damned.

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Mapping things out

One of the most important elements of a compelling story is setting. The locale for your tale is almost like a member of the cast, lending its personality and helping to establish the tone.

As with all other aspects of the project, the setting must be agreed upon by both writing partners. Shouldn’t be too hard, but it’s a good idea to sketch out some maps so you know you’re both working from the same image. Knowing how long it would take to get from A to B can be a vital plot point. If one partner pictures the stadium at the south end of town, and the other sees it as the central fixture of the downtown district, then they’ll surely run into difficulties lining up their edits.

This week Kent drew up detailed maps of the city (see, we told you he contributes!), an exercise that also allowed us to use some of the extra name ideas left over after we chose the appellation for the town. Now that we have that well in hand, with color-coded neighborhoods and labelled points of interest, we’ve moved on to laying out the complex of buildings where most of the events will unfold. It’s based on a real place, and we’re planning a field trip to get a real feel for it and get inspired. Believe me, this is not a place you’d want to visit solo, so it’s further proof that a writing collaborator is a good thing to have.

Atop The Desolate Hill

In this special holiday edition, the stichomancy prompt phrases were all taken from Christmas carols. Not that Kent let that cramp his style. Happy Boxing Day!

  • there arose such a clatter
  • laughing all the way
  • was a jolly, happy soul
  • heedless of the wind and weather
  • five golden rings
  • the fire is slowly dying

Atop the desolate hill, the fire is slowly dying, revealing five golden rings among the embers. Dvortmund has come here, heedless of the wind and weather, to enact the rite of binding, and sanctify his bid for power.

Once, Dvortmund was a jolly, happy soul, but when his family cast him out he became a twisted maniac. Soon they will pay.

He sprints down the hill toward the manor house, laughing all the way. His laughter alerts the sentries, who shoot him with muskets. The shots bring forth his family, and they assemble around his fallen form.

“Last time there arose such a clatter, I got presents,” proclaims his nephew.

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“Does He Expect Us”

by jenIn this special holiday edition, the stichomancy prompt phrases were all taken from Christmas carols. Jen went in a different direction with it, though. Happy holidays!

  • you can do the job when you’re in town
  • me, I want a hula hoop
  • with a broomstick in his hand
  • dressed up like Eskimos
  • later on we’ll conspire
  • down through the chimney

“Does he expect us to go down through the chimney?” I asked, incredulous. “That place is impregnable. There’s a guard at every door, and I don’t mean the kind with a broomstick in his hand. I mean the kind with guns.”

“Boss says ‘you can do the job when you’re in town,'” replied my partner in crime. “Like it’s easy to assassinate traitors in broad daylight. The man hasn’t been out in the field in at least a decade. His expectations are unreasonable.”

I downed another shot before replying. “When he was on active duty, the Russians all dressed up like Eskimos. Made ’em easy to spot. Let’s just do this damn job. Later on we’ll conspire about a coup.”

The bartender approached. “Another round?”

My partner perused the drinks menu, then said, “Me, I want a hula hoop.”

“Make it two.”

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