My Stomach Attacked Me
my stomach attacked me- on an inaudible chemical level
- unimaginative weapons
- Pardon my patronizing tone
- she feigned innocence
- The trees helped a lot
- Improved by human effort
My stomach attacked me with the unimaginative weapons available to such an organ, assailing me with ferocious pangs and horrendous cramps on an inaudible chemical level.
The trees helped a lot, abounding with apples, pears, and squirrels. Soon my appetite was sated.
“Pardon my patronizing tone,” announced an unctuous female voice, “but what are you doing up in my tree?”
“Your tree?” I responded hotly. “And in your case, it’s actually a matronizing tone.”
She feigned innocence, but I heard her mutter, “Idiot!”
The natural process of evolution had been improved by human effort, giving rise to trees that could defend themselves by constriction, a fact I learned just too late for it to do me any good.
I can’t decide whether She is the tree or not.
On the one hand, she says “my tree” which implies that she is not herself the tree.
But then the tree is genetically modified, so maybe it can talk, too. And She is cross with you before the tree squeezes you.
So if She is not the tree, is she in control of the tree? Is it her highly trained attack tree?
How many squirrels does it take to sate your manly appetite?
She is the tree. I don’t know why she asks the question that way… maybe the genetic modifications haven’t conferred full linguistic mastery. Or maybe English just isn’t her first tongue.
Thanks for clearing that up.
I like the first paragraph, but I would quibble that your stomach does not actually confine itself to the inaudible level when it is feeling neglected.
And you didn’t answer my question about the squirrels.
Uncountable squirrels. My squirrely hunger is insatiable.
Do you think squirrel meat can cure the common cold?
Nope. That’s ‘possum!
I doubt it. But I’ve heard that eating squirrel brains is a great way to catch Creutzfeldt-Jakob, so there’s that.
MMM sponge-brains