Like Any Good Bureaucracy
(read: glitter storm)- visited the forbidden basement
- I almost gasp
- murmured to the trembling creature
- “Gimme a fucking break, girlie!”
Tune in next time part 455 Click Here for Earlier Installments
Like any good bureaucracy, Contraria makes liberal use of red tape. But only in the low country during the week of the new moon every other leap year. The University of Pittsburghistan offers doctorate level studies in proper tape usage, and without a degree from that hallowed institution it’s impossible to enter the diplomatic corps.
This being the Paradoxica Mountains, and the moon being a waxing crescent, with the barometric pressure falling, I needed pale blue tape with multicolored sparkles (read: glitter storm). Enigma Fortress kept their tape in an underground vault behind a door marked “No Admittance: Authorized Personnel Only.” Being the highest ranking officer in the fortress I decided I was authorized, and so visited the forbidden basement to get the consecrated tape and other stationery supplies to file my report.
I almost gasped when I flipped on the fluorescent lights and beheld a shaggy white bear-like beast huddled in the corner. It looked for all the world like a yeti, but that was obviously ridiculous. I approached slowly and murmured to the trembling creature, hoping to get a better look and determine if it was actually a dog or what.
Its growls sounded like a person imitating an animal more than an actual animal. I screwed up my courage and tugged on the furry head. It came right off, exposing the pink bald scalp I had hoped to never see again.
“Arlo!” I spat. “I knew you were behind the poisoning attempt. Why are you disguised as a mythical creature?”
“Gimme a fucking break, girlie!” my nemesis cried. “Everyone knows that yeti are real!”
“I’m assuming you don’t know what they do with yetis here in the mountains.”
bonus points for using them in order