I’ll Never Forget My Day in Court
my leg mashed into the sheep dog- pat her everywhere, including under her stomach
- “You’ll be playing an elderly butler.”
- get yourself another lawyer
- remarkable reproduction of a Ubangi blowgun
- equally terrible but for an entirely different reason
- using Marian’s breast as a springboard
I’ll never forget my day in court, one of the most unpleasant in my life. It all started when my leg mashed into the sheep dog after using Marian’s breast as a springboard, and the EMT told me to pat her everywhere, including under her stomach, and I thought he meant Marian, whom I’d just met and didn’t really get along with, and when I explained all this from the witness stand my attorney said, “Get yourself another lawyer.”
Equally terrible but for an entirely different reason was my first theatre audition, at age nine. The director said, “You’ll be playing an elderly butler,” and handed another actor a remarkable reproduction of a Ubangi blowgun. Then he said something vague about the butler not doing it this time, and next thing I knew there was a sharp sting in my buttock and the room went all spinny.