I Was Almost Positive
call it “getting the twisties”- Big, beefy, never takes off the helmet.
- one of the gents
- Specifically, a chilled fork.
- slanderous biography
Tune in next time part 682 Click Here for Earlier Installments
I was almost positive it hadn’t been an Underduchess who slobbered on my fingers, but I didn’t see any nearby lambs or other baby livestock to take the blame. I wiped my hand on my pantleg, resolved to track down the furtive licker at a later time.
For now, there was the immediate concern of how to deal with my panda-suited brother. We huddled together on the sofa, expecting Jim to dance his way over. Dance he did, but on a chaotic, spiraling course. The impaired visibility and limited oxygen offered by the panda head combined with the sheer bulk of the costume were creating a syndrome. Mascots call it “getting the twisties” and speak of it in hushed tones. Legend has it that the Jousting Emu of Soiux Falls succumbed so totally that he’s twisting to this day, somewhere in the wilderness, and travelers who encounter him always give the same account: “Big, beefy, never takes off the helmet. Spinning around in a crazy circles and knocking shit over everywhere.”
We realized that Jim might be putting the children in danger. None of the gents employed at the petting zoo were on the scene, so it was up to Cleopatra, Esmerelda, and me.
Esmerelda, being married to him, thought she had the best chance of bringing Jim’s gyrations under control. But you can’t simply seize someone with the twisties to halt them — you’ll be drawn into the madness yourself. I was too slow imparting my warning, and Esmerelda found herself clinging for dear life to the whirligigging blue beast.
“I know what we need,” Cleopatra announced. “Cold silver. Specifically, a chilled fork. Run to the bistro above the print shop and hurry back with one!”
With a nod, I raced off on my mission. The only tricks I knew for dealing with Jim’s predicament had come from the slanderous biography of a mascot from a cricket team in far-northern Canada, so I had little faith in their efficacy.
As I ran, I had to wipe my hand on my pants again. The salivary sniper had struck a second time.
bonus points for using them in order