I Gazed Up
have tried animal bladders- touches without touching
- never legally divorced her first husband
- shared greeting ritual
- pulled his silk handkerchief over his head
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I gazed up at Hildegard, who loomed in the doorway and showed no indications that she would be granting me any privacy anytime soon. It was a silent stand-off. The forgotten latex puppet was mashed into the slope of her hip like a skydiver whose chute hadn’t opened.
The inherent limitations of the human bladder are among the very few problems no one at the Academy has found a good solution for. Some daredevils have tried animal bladders for increased capacity, but the trade-offs aren’t worth it. Others have dabbled in tele-micturation, a mind-over-matter technique where the fluid “touches without touching” the commode. You can always tell when one of them’s been around.
As long as she stared at me, I wouldn’t be able to pee. I had to make her leave. Taking a wild stab, I said, “You know Chartreusse will be furious when he learns that his new wife never legally divorced her first husband.”
She shrugged. “What I did to him was just as effective and far more affordable.”
While I pondered that ominous remark, my hopes for privacy were further dashed by the arrival of her father. The old man and Hildegard launched into their peculiar shared greeting ritual right there in the bathroom doorway. But, at least they were paying no attention to me. Perhaps this was the opportunity I needed. I had never timed their intricate salutations, but I knew they wouldn’t be done until she pulled his silk handkerchief over his head.
bonus points for using them in order