I Didn’t Have Time to Stand Around While These Weirdos Laughed About Slug Eggs
an unfamiliar accent- What a soft voice!
- superfluous mouthsounds
- endless chain of consequences
- only had 10 doses
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I didn’t have time to stand around while these weirdos laughed about slug eggs. My nefarious brother Jim had surely docked his stolen zeppelin by now, and must already be making his way into this lair. Not knowing whether the Mints were expecting him gave my trepidation an unfamiliar accent. The voice in my head — What a soft voice! — told me to play along with the puppet and those he puppeted, to gather what information I could before Jim’s imminent arrival upset the balance of power one way or the other.
John and Tatiana were still talking about the slug eggs, gulping and smacking their lips and making other superfluous mouthsounds as they predicted what it would be like to watch me eat them.
If I had known, back in the water beneath the pier when John attacked me with a harpoon, that my escape would lead to an endless chain of consequences that would bring me here to Disco Island to watch a giant ventriloquist puppet and his wife plot with John and my latest baby-mama-to be, I might have made slightly different choices.
I put on my General underpants and trousers, and remembered something Aloysius had told me as he stitched my uniform. “All Contrarian military uniforms include capsules of knockout gas,” he’d said. He was running low and only had 10 doses to give me, but he showed me where the hidden trigger was, and how the gas would spray out of the mouths of the epaulet-squirrels.
I shrugged into my General jacket. Perhaps I was not at such a disadvantage after all.
bonus points for using them in order