I Didn’t Have Time for Any Rap Battles
without an inflatable octopus- raised a single finger and
- pregnant with her first child
- , along with my underpants.
- except when it suited him to be Russian
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I didn’t have time for any rap battles. I needed to know what my brother Jim was up to. With a sad shake of my head I said, “I’m afraid I can’t perform without an inflatable octopus. It’s in my contract.” I raised a single finger and mimed signing the important paper.
“We’re not asking you to rhyme,” the giant Mingus puppet said. “At least not right now. I thought our message to you was clear. The star charts all indicate that today is the best day for Tatiana to become pregnant with her first child, and that you are the only suitable candidate.”
Not this again! Before I could even voice my protest, Tatiana yanked down my General trousers, along with my underpants. “You said we could use your crystal throne for this,” she said to the Mints.
Myndilynn gave a coy nod.
“Just a second,” I said, dropping the lisp. “There’s something you should know.” I reached for my pants.
“That’s not Jason,” Mingus said, as Myndilynn gave her head a sultry shake.
Tatiana looked me up and down. “If the star charts don’t mind, neither do I.”
John strode out from behind the crystal throne, consulting a large sheet of parchment. I should have known he’d be involved in this. He’s always been super into astrology, except when it suited him to be Russian Orthodox to keep himself in his grandfather’s will.
“The times of their birth are within the same 10 minute window,” he said. “The stars will allow the substitution.”
bonus points for using them in order