I Came To with a Wicked Headache
make sure to never do it with a singer- son of a diplomat
- I want to have grown-up love
- “Dinner is ready!”
- the air of a disconcerted pickpocket
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I came to with a wicked headache. My surroundings were so unexpected that for a long while I wasn’t sure I was actually awake. I could still hear the whooshing chug of the submarine’s engine, but it was nearly masked by calliope music. I was up to my neck in balloon animals.
If you ever engage in spycraft, make sure to never do it with a singer, or dancer, or any other sort of entertainer. But especially don’t do it with a mime. They’re ruthless and unpredictable.
Tesla sat cross-legged atop the balloon animal quagmire I was trapped in, made nearly weightless by her near-mystical mastery of mime technique. Her face was covered with a thick layer of white grease paint, with her eyes outlined in black and a red heart drawn around her lips. Her stripey mime leotard was merely body paint, with a skull and crossbones over each nipple and a treasure chest full of doubloons between her legs. A tricorn hat sat atop her head at a jaunty angle.
“I see you’re finally awake, you landlubber,” she said. Appearances aside, she was apparently more pirate than mime. “Yarr! You’ll be answering my questions now, you scurvy son of a diplomat.”
My father had been called many things, but “diplomat” was not one of them.
“It’s been a long time, Tesla,” I said. She unfolded her legs and moved closer to me, and I became aware that I was naked underneath all the balloon animals.
“I’m supposed to interrogate you,” she whispered, leaning in close. “But that’s so tedious, don’t you think?”
“Absolutely.”
She reached down through the layers of inflated, colorful creatures until she found my own inflated, colorful creature. “I want to have grown-up love,” she cooed. “And Tessa told me years ago that you’re very good at it.”
The balloons squealed against each other.
Suddenly a hatch in the ceiling banged open and William Sausage looked down through the opening. “Dinner is ready!” he bellowed in his reedy voice. And then he just stared at us, openmouthed, with the air of a disconcerted pickpocket.
bonus points for using them in order