Harry Couldn’t Go Out There
Character – politician- Setting – Australian outback
- Object – monocle
- Situation – earthquake
Harry couldn’t go out there. The crowd was rabid. He would call campaign headquarters, but some lunatic wallaby had his cellphone in her pouch.
“He’s almost ready. Where’s that monocle? Harry looks dignified with a monocle.”
That kangaroo is only making this worse, thought Harry. The noise of the crowd was suddenly louder and a stray boomerang caromed off the wall near his head.
The kangaroo was shouting now. “No! Monocle, I said monocle, you egg-laying imbecile! I suppose it’ll have to do…”
Before he could react, Harry’s wrists were bound by cold iron manacles and he was shoved out onto the stage.
Suddenly, the building began to shake. The pandemonium of the crowd sputtered out.
Harry cleared his throat, lost his balance, and toppled to the floor. He couldn’t get up because of the restraints, and the shaking of the floor. Plaster dust sifted down onto his blue suit as he thought, I can see the headlines now — Harry won’t take a stand.
This one, I’m sad to say, is not my favorite. It doesn’t cohere.
That is the downside to the 4 Elements prompts. Sometimes the elements just don’t work together, no matter how hard you try.
I have to admit I see what you’re getting at. I think the real problem is that it’s rushed, so the weird disjointed elements all just fall on the reader. I’m pretty sure the premise would work if it had more room to breathe.
Probably.
As it is, the wackiness feels forced. You should rewrite it with a talking crocodile, and maybe a poisonous spider or three. And dingoes. And vegemite. What other Australian stereotypes can we come up with?
Perhaps Harry’s campaign slogan should be, “Together, we can get beyond Thunderdome.”
: )
Quick question: are the wallaby and the kangaroo the same creature?
Another quick question: is there a platypus on the premises? If not, who is the egg-laying imbecile?
Final question: Why am I obsessing about this?
The wallaby and the kangaroo are not the same creature. They’re not even the same species, but nothing else about the prompt makes sense so you get a pass. I’ll assure them it wasn’t meant as an ethnic slur.
There’s either a platypus or an echidna. (I suppose it could just be a chicken, or a sea turtle. Or a preying mantis. But, it’s probably a monotreme of some kind.)
Because you’re adorable when you’re obsessive. ;-}>
To be clear, I know that wallabies and kangaroos are not the same thing. I thought that maybe Harry was confused.
I vote for a penguin to be the egg-layer. A Blue Fairy Penguin. They live in burrows in Australia. For realsies.
Ah… plot machinations suggest themselves…. The Blue Fairy Penguins are part of an extremist bloc that wants Harry to fail. Maybe there isn’t a real earthquake, just penguins with heavy equipment assaulting the convention hall! Bwuhahahahah!!1!
Or it could be that Uluru (Ayers Rock) is a dragon egg, and it is hatching. The Blue Fairy Penguins are like Seal Team 6, there to save Harry’s ass.
I think it might be time to figure out a few more details about Harry. It was okay that he’s a cipher when the rest of the story was so thin, but he’ll have to be a lot more interesting if he’s going to fit into such an elaborate tale.
Harry has a startling attractiveness. He likewise is able to communicate with women from a distance and he has been known to tunnel through solid illusion. Harry can spin like a whirlwind and has inherited all of the powers and talents of an octopus, but using this power draws a lot of attention. Also, he has the power to become almost weightless and he developed the talent to change shape into a zombie, but only in the presence of a cat. Harry developed the talent to communicate with parrots with gestures. Additionally, he is able to squirt fireballs from his pet butterfly, but doing so makes him extremely smelly for one minute. Harry is known for his awesome ability to sense fish, but only while performing a series of gestures. Harry developed the talent to make chickens appear from nowhere and wades into combat using a radioactive pet sheep that can force combatants to tell the truth. Shamefully, Harry is notorious for being unable to see ninjas.
Not sure that helps address the original complaint, viz, “doesn’t cohere”
If you want to be a stickler.
I didn’t say that. Harry is now considerably more interesting. I’d probably cherry-pick some traits that suited my agenda, based upon the direction I went with the blue fairy penguins and so on. As you hinted above, I do think Harry is unable keep kangaroos and wallabies straight, which would presumably be a major political liability for him. I’ve been trying to ascertain his species; in the current draft all we know is it’s something with wrists.
I assumed he was human, but one hates to assume.
Since he can spin like a whirlwind, maybe he’s a Tasmanian Devil. The cartoon one has wrists…