Category: Stichomancy Prompts

I Knew It Would Be Useless To Ask

  • by Kentthe diamond in the hoo-ha
  • and a big kiss
  • if the opera house isn’t your proper hemisphere
  • living near the Nile
  • unsecured thigh high stockings

Tune in next time part 392      Click Here for Earlier Installments

I knew it would be useless to ask, but I couldn’t restrain myself. “What is this mission of Jim’s?”

“He couldn’t tell me the details,” Fleur said in a hushed voice. She hunched down in the panda suit and put a paw over her mouth, so the infatuated giggle-fit couldn’t get out. I saw it in her eyes, their intense blue made preternatural by the color of the costume. “What most surprised me was how sexy he looked in my gown,” she murmured behind her fuzzy blue paw. “You know the one I mean, with the sapphires across the chest and the diamond in the hoo-ha. Jim put that on, then left me with nothing more than a hearty thank-you and a big kiss on the lips.”

“Wait, Jim kissed you?” I asked. She nodded, her eyes rolling back in delirium at the memory.

“Does that make you jealous?” she stage-whispered.

In fact, jealousy was not what the news inspired. But I was going to be angry at Jim if my suspicions proved accurate. I wondered if he had bothered to develop a new trigger phrase. I licked my lips before speaking.

“Shouldn’t your husband be jealous about such things? You act as if the the opera house isn’t your proper hemisphere.”

Fleur sat up straight and stared blankly ahead. I thought, Dammit, Jim! She’s my wife, not a sleeper agent!

This was a possible clue to his mission, because he’d learned this hypnotic technique while he was living near the Nile and associating with a particular band of software pirates. He was probably headed for a rendezvous with those scallawags, and I wanted to intercept him. Maybe the fancy bejeweled gown would slow him down?

Peeking inside the blue panda costume, I confirmed that Fleur still wore her garter belt, but virtually nothing else.

Well, brother, I mused, let’s see how fast you can run in unsecured thigh high stockings.

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The Spy’s Words

  • by jentried to get to sleep again
  • separated from his wife after falling in love with a young actress
  • struggled with the question of last names
  • musky cologne with a hint of whisky
  • the poop problem

Tune in next time part 391      Click Here for Earlier Installments

The spy’s words reminded me that Fleur and Jim had been alone together for quite some time, one floor above my head. My curiosity was roused, and no matter how much I wished it had tried to get to sleep again, it stayed awake. Jim was a source of never-ending drama in our family. The first time he married, he separated from his wife after falling in love with a young actress on his honeymoon. The second time, he and his young actress wife struggled with the question of last names and who should take whose, and their marriage ended after only a month. Now he was married to Esmerelda, but, as always, had a roving eye. And the last time I’d seen Esmerelda she was having sex with my father. Did Jim know about that?

I menaced the spy for a few more minutes so that he wouldn’t know his remark got to me, then I signaled to the warrior-monks holding my children to follow me up the stairs.

I was half-expecting to walk in on Fluer and Jim banging it out, but that isn’t what I saw at all. When I entered the room where I’d left them, there was no sign of Jim. Fleur sat at the table, wearing Jim’s blue panda suit and a dreamy smile. The panda head sat beside her half-mug of coffee.

“Where’s Jim?” I asked.

“He’s on a mission,” Fluer said with a happy sigh. “Did you know that this mascot suit smells just like him? Musky cologne with a hint of whisky.”

“Why are you wearing the panda suit, Fleur?”

“Jim had to borrow my clothes for his mission. He couldn’t very well wear the panda suit. You know, because of the poop problem.” She patted herself down with her big panda paws. “There’s no trapdoor in this thing, and Jim needs to be able to move fast.”

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Promptly Generate Prompts

One of our favorite parts of running this site is expanding the stichomancy prompt generator. Stichomancy, if you’re new here, is a form of divination practiced by flipping to a random page in a book and then pointing to a random place on that page. Here at the Skelleyverse, we have not found it to be a reliable way of anticipating the future. But, we do find it quite entertaining. We thought you might like to know more about how we add new batches of material to the generator every few weeks.

Snippets of text are harvested at their peak of randomness, then arranged in a spreadsheet to cure in a virtual cheese cave. In lots of 100, the rows are sorted alphabetically and recited aloud for quality assurance. Always, there are portions of the list where the snippets chain together to form brief, quasi-coherent messages. (We think that cave is haunted by a nascent AI with a juvenile sense of humor.) When the spreadsheet grows heavier than the virtual cheese wheel on the other end of the see-saw, it cascades into the depduper-uploader which makes it available for your enjoyment here at the Skelleyverse.

This latest batch takes our hoard of weird little phrases up over 20,000. That’s a lot of writing prompts! If you choose to employ it for fortune-telling instead, just remember what we said about the juvenile sense of humor.

I Loomed Over the Acrobat

  • by Kentdistributed bellbottoms and cocaine
  • what they would later discover to be toothpaste
  • they get quite good at it
  • trouble with the opposite sex
  • kissing for an hour, or how ever long it is

Tune in next time part 390      Click Here for Earlier Installments

I loomed over the acrobat, initiating a staring contest to keep him cowed while I thought this through. That he’d lie about who sent him was hardly surprising, but he was trying to pin something on Svetlana or Lyudmila specifically. He’d learned a lot about them, just about everything except for their names.

He blinked. I sneered triumphantly, but in truth my corneas felt like salted raisins and I was glad to be able to shut my own lids for a moment. But I had to project strength. I was a General!

There were several possible groups this French (if he was really French) fop might be working for. There was the Fifty-Fours, who distributed bellbottoms and cocaine along the circus-train routes. There was Hepcat Peccadillo, a radical artists’ collective that forced the evacuation of three different embassies, flummoxing bomb squads with what they would later discover to be toothpaste. There were too many others to list them all. These organizations recruit the misfits and loners, they get quite good at it over the years, focusing on subjects whose fashion sense causes them trouble with the opposite sex.

I fixed my prisoner with a steely gaze once again. “What did she promise you, then? How did she compel your service? Was it money? Prestige? Or carnal rewards?”

He smirked. “When next I see her, we will be kissing for an hour, or how ever long it is being enjoyable to be kissing. That seems like a long time to me, but she made her voice very sexy when she said it and I agreed.”

Now I knew he was lying. Neither of the sisters would have been able to say that with a straight face. They hated kissing.

“You might want to stop wasting my time,” I said in a low, menacing voice.

“And you might be curious to know what has been going on in your absence,” the acrobat/spy simpered.

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Animosity Between Lyudmila and Svetlana

  • by jenstill held some liquid
  • watching her all the time
  • not good enough to own such a fancy car
  • hot, reeking scent of their blood
  • Like a real gentleman.

Tune in next time part 389      Click Here for Earlier Installments

Animosity between Lyudmila and Svetlana boiled over from time to time, but however much froth and steam they created, the vessel of their joint hatred still held some liquid, and there was always the danger that it would erupt again. That animosity traced back to their circus days. Due to their extreme flexibility, the ringmaster treated them as a single unit. It was difficult for the sisters to always be in such close quarters: entwined together inside a single suitcase: limbs intertwined as they were made to share a single cot, a single shower cubicle, a single berth on the train. Each felt that her sister was watching her all the time, watching and judging. It all came to a head when Svetlana was awarded Employee of the Month, an honor that included a medal ceremony and the keys to a new Lada. Lyudmila was incensed. She felt that Svetlana on her own was not good enough to own such a fancy car, that the two of them were a package deal, and the only reason Svetlana won was because she’d lately been sleeping with both the ringmaster and the lion tamer. Lyudmila confronted Svetlana about her perceived duplicity, and the sisters began to fight. Being contortionists, their fight choreography was like nothing anyone had ever seen before, and they quickly drew a crowd. Before long they each had black eyes and nosebleeds. The hot, reeking scent of their blood enraged the performing animals. The lion tamer and his wife, the tiger tamer barely kept their cats under control long enough for the ringmaster to disperse the audience. In his fury, the ringmaster fired both sisters, and threw them out with only the costumes on their backs, and no severance pay. Like a real gentleman.

But if the sisters had been fired from the circus and never worked together again, then how could my French prisoner have eaten fish with them on the train? Unless he had been lying to me all along.

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“What Was Her Name?”

  • by Kentby the time the moon sank away
  • other worker won employee of the month
  • tradition would dictate cod here
  • indeed a hero in the eyes of these men
  • the fact that she had eyelashes

Tune in next time part 388      Click Here for Earlier Installments

“What was her name?” I asked the captive. “And don’t waste any breath describing her double-jointed pinkies or the fact that she had eyelashes. Just tell me her name.”

The monastic babysitter cadre whistled and cheered. It seemed I was indeed a hero in the eyes of these men.

“But do you not see?” the French pantomime performer implored. “I never learned her name. And they were quite alike, the sisters, it is true. Only one clue did they give to me about which was which, and that was when we dined together in the train en route in the nighttime to our next show. My angel she ate happily the salmon, but her sister was saying tradition would dictate cod here. And they argue, about this fish and about things I do not know. Only for a moment do they quarrel, and my angel she becomes très quiet, upset to be reminded that the other worker won employee of the month. By the time the moon sank away, I had promised her I would do anything to see her smile once again.”

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In My New, Imposing Uniform

  • by jenthis “polar madness”
  • cheekbones sharp as blades
  • her gawky way of walking
  • like ink in water
  • like an awkward and unlucky lover

Tune in next time part 387      Click Here for Earlier Installments

In my new, imposing uniform I turned to my captive French spy. He cowered before my resplendency like an awkward and unlucky, loverless wretch in a cheap suit.

“Describe the Russian sister who sent you,” I demanded.

Beguiled by the small brass squirrels atop my epaulets, he forgot his earlier filibustering. “Her hair was long and pale blond, liquidy yellow, like ink in water.”

That described both Svetlana and Lyudmila. “Go on,” I said. Behind me, Aloysius was gathering up his many tools while his monk-like cohorts quietly entertained the children.

“Her hips were narrow, which I think added charm to her gawky way of walking.”

Again, that could be either sister.

“She had cheekbones sharp as blades, and shoulder blades round as cheeks. My need to make love to her was like the polar madness I experienced in my youth when l’Academie sent my team to l’Antartique, and I suffer with it still. Our consummation will be my reward for completing my mission.”

He was doing all this for her, whichever sister she was, and he’d never even banged her? This “polar madness” of his must have caused frostbite on his brain.

And I still didn’t know which sister had sent him.

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The Acrobat/Spy’s Fevered Ramblings

  • by Kentsqueezing in your fingers
  • in order to become bosom friends
  • Aloysius, mouth full of bone needles
  • another mold for squirrels
  • a square black cap with a silver badge on it

Tune in next time part 386      Click Here for Earlier Installments

The acrobat/spy’s fevered ramblings had exhausted my patience.

“This information isn’t helping me, and therefore it isn’t helping you, either. I don’t need or want to hear about how it felt to have their thighs and breasts squeezing in your fingers or how you were willing to debase yourself in order to become bosom friends with bosom benefits. The only thing I want to hear from you is –”

“Excuse me, General?”

I rounded on the source of this interrupting voice. The six babies arranged along my outstretched, fatigued arms giggled happily at the ride. Behind me stood a small entourage of pale men wearing what appeared to be monks’ robes. “Sorry to bother you, General,” the one in the middle went on, “but we have been sternly ordered to perform our duties without delay.”

As he spoke, two of his companions stepped forward and relieved me of three children apiece.

“Where are they taking the royal brood?” I demanded.

“Nowhere. The children will be kept safe right here while Aloysius brings your uniform up to code.”

Aloysius, mouth full of bone needles, waved and scurried forward in a single movement, stooping to begin taking inseam measurements.

Twisting my head to look at the bound prisoner, I yelled, “I am not done with you!”

Contrarian military fashion is especially fickle, obliging the likes of Aloysius to carry around complex arrays of tools and materials. In addition to the needles, and fabrics of course, he also had a case loaded with more specialized instruments. There was a portable furnace and a crucible, and a mold for casting lions, and another mold for squirrels, and an anvil that I didn’t know the purpose of.

The alterations to my bellhop getup took some bit of time, but the results were exemplary if a bit ostentatious for my tastes. I felt like an impeccably tailored colorblind matador, and was sort of glad the room didn’t have a mirror. The best thing of all was that I got a new hat, a square black cap with a silver badge on it that said “General.”

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My Silence Encouraged the Spy

  • by jenI know that I shall go mad!
  • outselling Rod Stewart
  • fallen into a trance
  • with decorative bullet holes
  • Japanese lingerie maker

Tune in next time part 385      Click Here for Earlier Installments

My silence encouraged the spy to keep talking. “I take one look at the twisted sisters and I know that I shall go mad! With love! I know that I will do anything they ask of me, for if their beauty were a musical recording it would be outselling Rod Stewart, that’s how great it is.”

His eyes unfocused as if he’d fallen into a trance, and a small smile played at his lips. “They wore matching costumes, of course, with decorative bullet holes in some very revealing locations. I believe they were designed by a Japanese lingerie maker.”

This was maddening. I needed him to tell me more about the sisters, not their clothing! And specifically I needed to know which one had sent him on his mission.

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Speaking in Code

Having worked together for so long (and having been married for even longer), Jen and Kent know each other really, really well. We share a sense of humor and a lot of in-jokes. Sometimes it seems like we share a single brain. This makes it much easier to write together, and it has led to a sort of verbal shorthand that we understand just fine, but that outsiders find incomprehensible. It’s almost like we’re talking in code!

What a natural transition that was into today’s topic!

In our chain story, there are a ridiculous number of ridiculous codes employed by our protagonist and his cohorts. Many of his allies and enemies attended the same spy school he did, The Hopscotch Academy, so it makes sense that they would have learned the same espionage techniques. What doesn’t make sense is the variety and absurdity of many of them. In addition to the standard spoken signal phrases, signs, and countersigns, there are:

  • codes hidden in tattoos
  • various forms of choreographed arm movements
  • using nearby people’s bodies to form the shapes of ancient runes
  • various licking codes, employed during kissing, but also to hands
  • bubble codes for underwater use
  • spoken Morse code
  • various unspoken forms of Morse code involving thrusting and squeezing, for use in sexual situations
  • flavored lipstick, to tell you which dialect of a code to use
  • thumb rubbing
  • the Stevedore’s Code, involving luggage
  • the Washerwoman’s Code uses various colors of clothing to pass messages
  • the Haberdasher’s Code utilizes pocket squares and handkerchiefs
  • the Confectioner’s Code involves candy bars and their wrappers
  • the Mexican Painter’s Code uses eyebrow movements
  • the Acrobat’s Code involves finger wiggling waves, for some reason
  • the Luchador’s Code utilizes wrestling masks
  • the Pianist’s Code involves musical notes
  • toe snuffling, and the order in which the toes are snuffled
  • toespelling, in which one contorts one’s toes and presses them into another’s soles
  • the Soothsayer’s code involves nontraditional usage of tarot cards
  • the Bog-Roll cypher involves messages written on toilet paper, passed between dance partners
  • the Glassblower’s code utilizes glassblowing terms
  • the Shadow Puppeteer’s Cypher makes heavy use of middle fingers
  • the Fossil cypher involves, for some reason, aerial photography
  • the Make Everything Sound Dirty Code does just what it says on the tin. That’s what she said. Name of your sex tape.
  • the Limbo Code was outlawed by the academy, but is known by our protagonist and John
  • Contra-Buffoon is when your actions are so clumsy they go around the horn and become subtle again

Jen and Kent don’t know how the vast majority of these codes work, but they make regular use of a few of them. Can you guess which?