Category: Stichomancy Prompts

Jim Gave Denny a Nudge

  • by jenShould I begin a shaft?
  • became the color of llama milk
  • Melodrama! Lout!
  • jerry-rigged conveniences
  • Jim gave Denny a nudge
  • he emptied the garbage at night
  • he shook it twice

Jim gave Denny a nudge and pointed to the horizon.

Denny’s face became the color of llama milk when he saw the storm clouds gathering above the mountains.

Usually he emptied the garbage at night, but tonight it would be too dangerous.

“Should I begin a shaft?” Jim ribbed. “You could bury the garbage…”

“Melodrama! Lout!” yelled Denny. “This is nothing to joke about! How would we get by without jerry-rigged conveniences such as the garbage can?”

Jim put his head in his hands and he shook it twice. Denny couldn’t tell if Jim was truly sorry or just laughing.

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Traveling with Diplomats

  • k-avatarnot always the cleverest
  • pretend to hold the wheel
  • staying at the Austrian embassy
  • I wished to shake her sang-froid
  • the long-legged Englishman
  • the length of his mustache
  • A good scent?

Traveling with diplomats is not always the cleverest way to see the world. The accommodations are usually posh, but infested with spies.

Once, while staying at the Austrian embassy in Australia (or was it the other way around?), I found myself ensnared in unseemly entertainments which led to a course of antibiotics. I’d tailed a sultry espionage agent to the private club in the basement, and although I wished to shake her sang-froid she only wanted to shake her money-maker. Then she’d pretend to hold the wheel of a ship and cry out, “Thar she blows!” each time the long-legged Englishman recrossed his ankles. I think she was impressed by the length of his mustache, and its scent. But was it a good scent?

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This Full Moon

  • by jenthis full moon
  • the pasta
  • north van
  • terms of debt
  • mountain of old

“This full moon, the pasta, the wine! It’s so romantic!” cried Felicia.

Phil led her next down North Van Houton Street to a bakery. In the alley out back they found a mountain of old donuts, and dug in.

“I know it’s not a second honeymoon in Paris,” said Phil, “but in terms of debt management, it’s a winner.”

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The Meeting Was Getting Out of Hand

  • k-avatara variety of lovely agonies
  • being the whore
  • the man with the severed leg
  • an unnatural child born of an unnatural act
  • the cacophony of activity
  • kill him and eat him

The meeting was getting out of hand. The man with the severed leg stood up and waved the bloody thing over his head, screaming. Clay thought the note-taker was likely to kill him and eat him.

Finally the CEO called for order, which somewhat diminished the cacophony of activity. His thunderous voice carried over the tumult. “This is an unnatural child born of an unnatural act, surely in fact from a variety of lovely agonies. In short, a monster.”

Wild cheers met this proclamation. Being the whore he was, the CEO let it wash over him for a full minute. Finally…

“It is my pleasure to announce your promotion, Clay. Don’t ever change.”

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After My Ankle Surgery

  • by jennever pick up a stray kitten
  • don’t strain yourself
  • We should get married more often
  • a cuddlesome wench on each side
  • He pointed at my foot
  • I wiggled like a puppy

After my ankle surgery, my mother just wouldn’t shut up with the “helpful” advice. “Don’t strain yourself,” she insisted. “You don’t want to open the stitches back up.”

“Sure, Ma,” I repeated into the phone, but she wasn’t happy until I promised to never pick up a stray kitten again. I couldn’t really blame her for worrying. The last kitten had hidden beneath the sofa and swiped her talons right through my achilles tendon, thus necessitating the surgery.

My new husband came into the room, followed by the doctor with a cuddlesome wench on each side. Nurses, I assumed.

The doctor sat on the edge of my bed. He pointed at my foot. “Feeling better now?” he asked, and then tickled the sole. I wiggled like a puppy shaking itself dry.

“Good,” said the doctor, and he left, taking the cuddlesome wenches with him.

“I’m sorry we have to spend our honeymoon in the hospital,” I said to my husband.

“We should get married more often,” he laughed.

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Transformation Into a Wolf

  • k-avatarHi. Hello. Hello? Heh-lo.
  • – Stark naked!
  • grew owl’s wings and talons
  • congenital anonymity
  • muddy boots took up a lot of room

Transformation into a wolf is actually a highly unusual form of lycanthropy. I’ve known only two werewolves, but at least eight people who grew owl’s wings and talons at the new moon. Dozens of weremonkeys, too. But best not to dwell on them.

These unfortunates almost always learn of their plight at dawn, when they awaken in some unfamiliar outdoor locale – Stark naked!

I met Marie on a rooftop that way. She was still groggy, sated with innocent flesh, and slow to wake up.

“Hi. Hello. Hello? Heh-lo.”

At last she discovered her nudity and woke with a gasp. I gallantly offered my coat, and took her downstairs to my condo. We first made love in the hall closet, where muddy boots took up a lot of room. Then we moved on to the kitchen, and finally the bed.

Marie doesn’t remember me. My curse is different from hers. Rather than agonizing metamorphosis into a mindless beast, I suffer from congenital anonymity.

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Have You Ever Heard of Hieronymus Warhol?

  • by jensluggish and contented
  • didn’t have bathtubs
  • He died in 1970
  • tooth and toenail
  • I’m vain and I’m lazy
  • put him at a cobbler’s bench

Have you ever heard of Hieronymus Warhol? He died in 1970, sluggish and contented, in a poverty-stricken neighborhood in Rio de Janeiro where the inhabitants were so poor they didn’t have bathtubs. Or so rumor has it.

What really happened in Rio was that Warhol ran afoul of a politician by making unwanted advances at the man’s wife. Warhol was famous for saying, “I’m vain and I’m lazy,” so the politico had him kidnapped and put him at a cobbler’s bench where he was forced to make the lady in question a pair of stiletto heels using only tooth and toenail for tools.

In later years Warhol called it one of the most grueling and sexually satisfying ordeals of his life.

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Rocky Sat Down on the I-Beam

k-avatarThis week’s stichomancy prompts were pulled from the menu of a local watering hole. Our critique group used the bar as an emergency backup meeting location once when our regular haunt was unexpectedly closed. Lucky for us, the menu was full of interesting phrases, ripe for the picking.

  • tuna croissant
  • Jamaican me crazy
  • glass or pitcher
  • and a splash of cream
  • so it tastes like sugar

Rocky sat down on the I-beam to eat his tuna croissant 80 stories above the noisy street. Irv sat beside him and unpacked his usual: macaroni and a splash of cream. Rocky often wondered about Irv.

“You been down in the sixties lately?”

Irv meant the levels where the building’s interiors were coming together. Up here it was still all exposed steel, but a few hundred feet down they were painting the walls and moving in furniture. Rocky grunted and shook his head.

“One place in there, gonna be a pet store. Lotsa cages.”

In fact, it was a laboratory.

“And above that, they got mini-golf with real sand traps, only insteada sand it’s some other kinda stuff so it tastes like sugar.”

Rocky often wondered about Irv.

“When you go down there, make sure not to touch any of the glass or pitcher winders.”

Rocky grunted again. Maybe Irv would soon be done talking.

“Well, can’t sit around all day. Foreman tells me, ‘Jamaican me crazy!’ and swings his dreads around. Freaks me out.”

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All the Artists

by jenThis week’s stichomancy prompts were pulled from the menu of a local watering hole. Our critique group used the bar as an emergency backup meeting location once when our regular haunt was unexpectedly closed. Lucky for us, the menu was full of interesting phrases, ripe for the picking.

  • artists, intellectuals, and merchants
  • cabana boy
  • Magic Hat #9
  • key lime pie never had it so good
  • the only truly authentic brand of Worcestershire

All the artists, intellectuals, and merchants in attendance could agree on only one thing: the hostess was serving the only truly authentic brand of Worcestershire sauce available on the island. The soiree quickly devolved into their petty arguments about every other subject, including which cabana boy was the most effeminate, and whether the Great Rudolfo, the island’s only truly authentic magician, was wearing Magic Hat #9 or #13, both of which were made of purple velvet.

In the midst of the cacophonous conversations, Reggie approached the buffet table and asked the docile manservant what the enchanting green dessert was. When he told her, she exclaimed, “Key lime pie? Never had it!”

“So good you’ll weep,” the manservant assured her.

Reggie took a slice for herself, and one for her studly lover Lazarus.

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Simon Had Just Found Out, Definitively

  • k-avataratoms infinitely smaller than our atoms
  • he would never have wings
  • Thrilled?
  • the splendor of his funeral clothes
  • a foot-soldier in the ranks of science

Simon had just found out, definitively, that he would never have wings. How was that supposed to make him feel? Thrilled? It made him feel like a visitor from a universe with atoms infinitely smaller than our atoms, like a foot-soldier in the ranks of science battling squadrons of superstitious scoffers. It made him doubt the splendor of his funeral clothes.

Had Simon known from the start that he was a millipede and not a caterpillar, he would have been spared the whole turmoil.

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