Category: Stichomancy Prompts

Our New Stichomancy Generator is Live!

r-avatarWe’ve had our Four Elements prompt generator up for a while now, but we didn’t feel complete, as the composite dihumanoid entity that we are, until we established symmetry by adding a generator for our other favorite type of writing prompt.

Jen compiled an impressively large list of impressively odd text fragments from an impressive variety of sources. Kent coded an impressively random randomizer to pull things from that list. In honor of the fact that our stichomancy archive’s denizens come in all shapes and sizes, the generator is configured to serve up small, medium, and large prompts. We also supplied a little guidance on proper use of the materials.

You can reach both generators by using the buttons at the top of every page, but here’s a direct link to the shiny new Stichomancy Writing Prompt Generator.

Pro Tip: look for chances to “pivot” the prompt around a word or phrase that can mean different things. The original phrase probably has an obvious connotation, and by looking for other ways to parse it you’ll surprise and delight your readers (or at least make them roll their eyes at a pun, which is also entertaining!).

Enjoy!

“Even Backdating the Transaction”

  • k-avatarI thought he was taunting me
  • by altering their hormones?
  • the day before Liza’s 44th birthday
  • she blushed
  • costs him $9 million
  • assuming he stays in Middlesex County
  • backdating the transaction
  • a shy 13-year-old boy stood no chance

“Even backdating the transaction, this costs him $9 million, assuming he stays in Middlesex County.”

Such shop-talk, the day before Liza’s 44th birthday, embarrassed her. She blushed. A shy 13-year-old boy stood no chance. Jimmy cried out and fled the opulent room in terror, almost toppling the globe-shaped liquor cabinet.

“Jonathan, look what your boorish wind has done.” Liza shook her finger at the lanky accountant.

“I thought he was taunting me,” Jonathan murmured.

Could teenagers be made more tractable by altering their hormones?

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“You Look Sad”

  • by jenpush food at me
  • sad sunny sky
  • I’d grown horns
  • got dizzy, bent over, and waited
  • watered my plant with 7-Up
  • making your “babies”

“You look sad, Sunny Sky,” Stormy Cloud remarked.

“Maybe I wouldn’t if you didn’t alway push food at me like I’d grown horns,” Sunny snapped.

“Ever since you watered my plant with 7-Up…” Stormy trailed off.

“Oh! You mean the night you gave me the drugs and I got dizzy, bent over, and waited for you to fuck me?”

“Don’t say that in front of the babies!” Stormy cried.

“That’s another thing I’m sick of! You making your ‘babies’ the center of everything! They’re not babies, Stormy! They’re ferrets!”

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Extradimensional Infiltration Won’t Affect Your Cerebral Output

  • k-avatarunless you are using vibrations for bones
  • your cerebral output
  • an irascible, tyrannical old coot!
  • I flipped my cape over him
  • — orbs as you call them —
  • gently adjusted the glasses
  • he gave a muffled buzz
  • as thick as a parrot’s
  • “I’ll never leave you, baby.”

Extradimensional infiltration won’t affect your cerebral output or the function of your eyes — orbs as you call them — unless you are using vibrations for bones or possess feathers as thick as a parrot’s. But that is assuming that all the usual guild-approved apparatus is present. I gently adjusted the glasses which protected my sight-orbs and fluffed my downy feathers. Jones had landed in trouble, not surprising since he is, in fact, a parrot, besides being an irascible, tyrannical old coot! He sat frozen on his perch while I and the other owls prepared for the mission to retrieve his marbles from the cosmic interstices. Occasionally he gave a muffled buzz, especially after I flipped my cape over him. His simple but adoring young — inappropriately young — wife, a very pretty flamingo, said, “I’ll never leave you, baby.” Jones buzzed again, and leaned forward precariously. There was no time to lose.

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Roger Joined the Crowd

  • by jena ceremony of solemnity and grandeur
  • caught her round the waist
  • fairly jigging with frustration
  • governmental-seeming buildings
  • device in the leather bindings

Roger joined the crowd approaching the governmental-seeming buildings to see what all the fuss was about. They were fairly jigging with frustration for the gates to open. Roger came to the slow understanding that the buildings were not governmental, but religious, but by then it was too late and he could not escape the throng’s gravity. He was swept inside on a surge of humanity and grudgingly took up a position near the middle.

Like all religious rites, Roger expected this to be a ceremony of solemnity and grandeur and was prepared to be very bored. His attitude changed when the curtains were drawn back, exposing a large aquarium which housed an enormous blue octopus. A young woman wearing a leafy headdress and a pink bikini was lowered over the tank and began to sing. Apparently there was a microphonic device in the leather bindings suspending her, because Roger could hear her quite well. Her voice was not very good.

Just then, the octopus reached one long cerulean tentacle out of the water and caught her round the waist.

Her amplified screams rang through the building, and her safety tether snapped.

Roger looked away as her leafy headdress slipped beneath the waves.

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2013 Holiday Prompt

In this special holiday edition, the stichomancy prompt phrases were all taken from Christmas carols. Jen and Kent both tackled the same set, with markedly different results. Whose do you prefer?

  • so lively and quick
  • dashing through the snow
  • he began to dance around
  • tis the season to be jolly
  • nine ladies dancing
  • when we finally kiss goodnight

k-avatarKent’s take:

“I forgot these things were so lively and quick,” Herb remarked, drawing a bead on one of the creatures dashing through the snow in the clearing.

“And I forgot they bite! Ow!” exclaimed Remmy as he began to dance around holding one boot up out of the deep drifts, a creature dangling from the toe.

Herb chuckled, prompting Remmy to ask him with some vehemence just what was so damn funny.

“Oh, nothing. Just, tis the season to be jolly, I suppose,” drawled Herb in reply.

Remmy shook the xenopod loose and stomped it, muttering about better times before the invasion. “I’ve had enough for one day. Let’s go get drunk at the Nine Ladies Dancing. I’ll buy.”

“Okay,” Herb said. “I’d like to see that sweet little barmaid again anyway.” Herb’s opinions on the invasion were slightly more mixed. “When we finally kiss goodnight, I’ll find out what those suckers on her tongue feel like.”

bonus points for using them in order!

 

by jenJen’s take:

My blind date with Bertram started out well enough. I found him to be so lively and quick-witted that I was able to overlook his unfortunate ears. I thought him quite galant when he offered to pay for dinner, but halfway through the meal he began to dance around in his seat like he had to pee. Then he grumbled at our waiter, “It’s winter, dude! Tis the season to be jolly well sozzled so you don’t notice the cold! Bring me a yard of Schnapps! And one for the lady.”

He finished his shots in record time, and most of mine, all the while telling the tale of a bachelor party he’d recently attended where there were no fewer than nine ladies dancing naked. I was unimpressed.

Bertram’s fate was sealed when he said to me, “Hey babe, when we finally kiss goodnight, I’m going to slip you the tongue.”

Horrified, I left him at the table and went dashing through the snow and wind all the way to the subway station so he couldn’t follow me home.

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Thelonious Tharp’s New Jazz Dance Spectacular

  • by jenso alike and yet so different
  • that question? Plum
  • commentators were criticizing
  • we packed our biological agent
  • both punk rock and rap

Thelonious Tharp’s new jazz dance spectacular, We Packed Our Biological Agent, is what the commentators were criticizing.

“Why did he incorporate both punk rock and rap?” asked Kent.

“They are so alike, and yet so different from the jazz music he should have used!” cried Jen. “What could he possibly have been thinking?”

“How can anyone answer that question? Plum, the professor, did it in the conservatory with the candlestick. That’s all I know,” said Reggie.

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Edward Said, “We’ll Pick Up a Couple of Flashlights”

  • k-avatarlost in the dismal thoughts
  • Don’t rush me, Edward!
  • we’ll pick up a couple of flashlights
  • was killed by thieves
  • was a dinner guest once again
  • he likely plunged in deeper

Edward said, “We’ll pick up a couple of flashlights for the walk home, so we’ll be safe. Unlike Frank, who loved the dark and was killed by thieves. Ulrike also loved darkness, but had better luck. She knocked on a door and was a dinner guest once again. Xavier is harder to account for. He likely plunged in deeper, becoming a thief himself, but not killing Frank. That would never happen, but Xavier does get lost in the dismal thoughts of his varsity days. Mascot. Hideous. So, where do you buy your flashlights?”

“Don’t rush me, Edward!”

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David Attended the Auction at Christie’s

  • by jenfrom faraway Ethiopia or India
  • nearly a hundred
  • squeezed between so many
  • dazzlingly clear and exquisitely polished
  • I saw this scarecrow
  • Well, David, there you have it

David attended the auction at Christie’s hoping to find an unusual anniversary present for his wife, Cherí. He was despairing of finding something suitable until he overheard a man in the crowd say, “I saw this scarecrow over by the medieval stuff.”

Cherí had grown up in Paris, but had always harbored dreams of a more pastoral existence. A scarecrow could be just the thing. David scurried to the far corner of the auction house and there, squeezed between so many suits of armor, he saw the most stunning of all scarecrows. Its eyes were blue, dazzlingly clear and exquisitely polished, like jewels from faraway Ethiopia or India.

“Well, David, there you have it,” he murmured. “The perfect gift for Cherí.”

He knew he could afford to spend nearly a hundred thousand dollars on it, and hoped the bidding wouldn’t run wild.

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The Nipple was Caught Between his Teeth

  • k-avatarthe nipple was caught between his teeth
  • when I first let Nathaniel move in
  • just because you never pass up a piece of tail
  • as if you’d licked a piece of candy
  • the vanilla scent of it was enough
  • accidentally blow themselves to hell

The nipple was caught between his teeth, held captive and threatened with laceration. When I first let Nathaniel move in, I thought I knew how kinky he was. I’ve since learned that I hadn’t even known *what* kinky was.

His teeth shifted back and forth, rolling the nipple. I moved the merest bit, as much as I dared without risk of disconnecting one of the electrodes. Nathaniel moaned and matched my rhythms, all the while caressing the bundle of dynamite beside my head. Jealousy tainted the moment and I spoke before my resolve failed.

“We’re only together at all just because you never pass up a piece of tail.”

Releasing my nipple, he replied, “Arguments in the sack are probably how a lot of nitrophiliacs accidentally blow themselves to hell.”

He knew all of my buttons, and the best ways to push them. Pressing the safety switch, he disconnected one wire from my thigh and placed it on my tongue. When he released the safety, current flowed. The effect is the same as if you’d licked a piece of candy.

He uses a special blend of explosives. The vanilla scent of it was enough to blot out all my doubts about his fidelity.

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