Category: Stichomancy Prompts

“Steady Demand for Humanly Edible Dishes”

  • k-avataraffable, stimulating, with a phenomenal grasp
  • disappearance of the natives!
  • five hovercraft: three light
  • humanly edible dishes
  • the night before the simulacrum

“Steady demand for humanly edible dishes on Bleylox-9 ultimately caused the disappearance of the natives!”

Nobody was listening to Alex by now. They used to think him affable, stimulating, with a phenomenal grasp and a handshake to match. But he went too far. He had decided he had to rescue the things that go bump in the night before the simulacrum made them all into jerky. So he hired five hovercraft: three light, two so heavy they didn’t hover, and set off furtively into the deserted polar region.

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“In Any Case, Mr Roosevelt”

  • by jenIn any case, Mr Roosevelt
  • well, that’s one thing
  • relief evident in his expression
  • huge and hairy man clad in
  • a considerable extra expense
  • stroked his luxuriant moustache

“In any case, Mr Roosevelt,” Tammy said as she stroked his luxuriant moustache, “it would be a considerable extra expense.”

The president knew that there was relief evident in his expression. It was so difficult to find an escort willing to engage in a menage a trios with himself and a huge and hairy man clad in lederhosen and glitter.

“Well, that’s one thing I’m prepared to pay extra for, honey.”

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“No! Not a Poodle, a Paddle!”

  • k-avatarthey drank their soup
  • postdated receipt
  • you’re so inept
  • He was giving her clothes!
  • a fat paddle with a handle upside down

“No! Not a poodle, a paddle! A fat paddle with a handle upside down. You’re so inept.”

Simon, chagrined, led the dog away. Martin shook his head and sighed. What else had Simon screwed up?

A quick glance at his desk provided the answer in the form of a postdated receipt from the women’s department. This had Shirley’s signature all over it, as much as if it were literally inked onto the strip of paper. She loved to mess with Simon’s head, and now she was really taking advantage of him. He was giving her clothes!

Martin stalked down to the commissary to find Simon and Shirley at the same table. They drank their soup like old friends. It made Martin seethe with disapproval.

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Deirdre Just Couldn’t Get the Bellhop’s Attention

  • by jenmuscles I hadn’t used before
  • a phenomenally costly divorce
  • old-fashioned meat and potatoes
  • wouldn’t have mattered if she were chrome orange
  • “One suitcase,”
  • registrations in Culver City

Deirdre just couldn’t get the bellhop’s attention. It wouldn’t have mattered if she were chrome, orange-scented, and blinking, the man was studiously ignoring her.

“One suitcase,” his dismissive air said. “No tip there.”

Little did he know that Dierdre had just come out on the winning side of a phenomenally costly divorce settlement, and was in the mood to splurge. Her lawyer claimed the victory came from “using muscles I hadn’t used before, at least not in a court of law.”

Once the papers were signed and the divorce was final, leaving Derek nothing but a memory, Deirdre made several hotel registrations in Culver City under assumed names, and was attempting to check into the chicest of the bunch. The restaurant on the third floor bragged of their old-fashioned meat, and potatoes so modern they should be on display in the Tate. Deirdre couldn’t wait to spend Derek’s money on something so outrageous.

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Marguerite Entertained a Feeling

  • k-avatarclearly jacked around
  • a feeling of ennui
  • sitting passively while her mother combed her hair
  • Rabbis singing
  • a minor avalanche

Marguerite entertained a feeling of ennui, even sitting passively while her mother combed her hair. In the hallway she heard Rabbis singing, their stentorian chant releasing a minor avalanche of Gentile spiders fleeing the resounding Yiddish. The apartment in the synagogue had cheap rent, but the landlord clearly jacked around Marguerite’s impressionable mother.

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“Speaking of Prison Cells”

  • by jenBut this involves a contradiction
  • we stayed home and did our lovemaking in bed
  • Professor Palgrave had found 288 lyrics
  • speaking of prison cells
  • and I am not a walking corpse
  • Happy Birthday to you!

“Speaking of prison cells,” said Professor Palgrave, “once my wife and I were arrested for public indecency. Let me tell you, after spending a few hours in police custody, we wished we stayed home and did our lovemaking in bed!”

His grad students chuckled and blushed at the thought of the portly professor in such a predicament, though he was the best teacher in the music department.

Professor Palgrave had found 288 lyrics to unreleased John Lennon songs in a shoe box at an auction in Liverpool, England, thus cementing his notoriety among his students, and in the music press.

“But this involves a contradiction, this story of yours, Professor,” said one of the newer students. “I thought you said you weren’t married.”

“And I am not a walking corpse, either,” said the professor grumpily. “But I feel like one sometimes. My wife left me shortly after the unfortunate incident I just related to you. She couldn’t stand the shame. She left on my birthday of all days.”

“Well, Happy Birthday to you!” said his teaching assistant sarcastically. “That’s pretty heartless.”

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“Do You Think You Could Let Me Have Some Blood?”

  • k-avatarThis will be a strange and rich experience
  • the cradle’s still soft
  • either snobbery or laziness
  • do you think you could let me have some blood?
  • I feel the better for our little chat
  • Italians often exaggerate such things
  • it bubbled out of him abruptly

“Do you think you could let me have some blood?”

Miguel nodded and shifted his weight in his chair, and then it bubbled out of him abruptly like a sneeze.

Vincenzo hastened to position the cup so none would go to waste. “Mamma Mia!” he shouted. “This is the most generous helping!” Although Italians often exaggerate such things, Vincenzo was being honest. Lifting his glass, Vincenzo breathed, “This will be a strange but rich experience.” And then he tossed it off.

Miguel mumbled at length, his words slurred by either snobbery or laziness. All Vincenzo could catch were the words, “…the cradle’s still soft…” And then Miguel passed out.

“I feel the better for our little chat,” Vincenzo proclaimed.

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Devlin du Mauvais Knew Himself to be a Very Attractive Man

  • by jenperhaps a bit long and square-jawed
  • unable to cause his larynx to make sound
  • something as mundane as a monkey reflex
  • through his half-open shirtfront
  • “Welcome, gentlemen, to Sugarloaf Mountain.”
  • next thing you’ll be hearing church bells
  • with their passionate tornadoes of paper

Devlin du Mauvais knew himself to be a very attractive man, even if his hair was perhaps a bit long. And square-jawed masculinity never went out of style, he knew, but it did nothing to explain his skill as a black magician.

Devin’s sister Minerva grasped the throat of the dead man on the table, but no matter how hard she squeezed, she was unable to cause his larynx to make sound.

“Why does this carcass defy me!?” she demanded. “He should at least possess something as mundane as a monkey reflex, not just lay there inertly.”

“Sister, dear, calm down, or the next thing you’ll be hearing church bells ringing through your nerves and the men in white, with their passionate tornadoes of paperwork, will take you away again.”

Minerva took a deep breath, then she smiled seductively and tweaked Devlin’s nipple through his half-open shirtfront.

As they kissed, she ran her hand down to his erection and cooed, “Welcome, gentlemen, to Sugarloaf Mountain.”

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Hector and Amelia

  • k-avataran unenviable chore
  • sagging out from under her hand
  • “Coffee?”
  • the youngest of the preschool children
  • it thumped ponderously east
  • an interminable bawl

Hector and Amelia sat atop the youngest of the preschool children as it thumped ponderously east.

“Coffee?” Amelia suggested, the sopping brown towel sagging out from under her hand. Hector shook his head and stared at the moon just risen ahead of them. Wringing the stuff out into a mug was an unenviable chore given the uneven motion of the mammoth toddler’s head. And if any of the hot liquid touched his scalp, he’d set the mountains a-tremble with an interminable bawl.

 

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Arnold Gazed in Dismay

  • by jenthe vulgar world of newspaperdom
  • did not suggest a tightly packed foundation
  • my island, my mountain, my land
  • whatever portion of the anatomy
  • it’ll swallow the house
  • roller coasters, whorehouses
  • “Oho. Deranged am I?
  • don’t like being put in such a position

Arnold gazed in dismay at the stripper. Whatever portion of the anatomy she chose to display, it did not suggest a tightly packed foundation.

“Her ass is so big it’ll swallow the house,” he complained to his pal Ricky.

“I like it,” Ricky replied.

“You’re deranged.”

“Oho. Deranged am I? Well at least I’ll get laid tonight. Nothing pleases you, Arnold. Not roller coasters, whorehouses, or foot massages. This is my island, my mountain, my land, and you’re making me feel like an inadequate host. I don’t like being put in such a position and so I shall banish you back to the vulgar world of newspaperdom from whence you  came!”

“Whence?” complained Arnold. “Who uses that word anymore?”

 

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