a place of our own“Sit down, and I’ll make you an ass whooper.”
“Thanks! Those are the most gorgeous cookies.”
“But they’re fattening.”
“Oh, I’ll do some jump rope later.”
“Things like this are so much easier here than back at the apartment.”
“It’s wonderful to have a place of our own.”
“It’ll be even better when we get some furniture. I would so love a bookcase.”
“The sofa will do for now.”
smooth as a sunsetUnderneath the fancy bustle, her naked bottom was small. Her inability to afford surgery to augment it drove Shirley to clench her fists and stomp her feet in frustration. She was too young to produce movies, which was her life’s ambition, and this led to more frustration.
“Why did I ever move to Hollywood?” she wailed.
Shirley’s moment of self-doubt was interrupted by a loud knock at her door. It was a truck-driver bang, she thought, but when she opened the door she found not a truck driver, but the President of Midnight, Mink McGee, with his pale, pale skin and his auburn hair as smooth as a sunset. The look in his deep blue eyes told Shirley that Mink did not find her naked bottom too small.
Do you have them memorized?“Do you have them memorized?” Zelda asked Lorenzo, prompting him to glance up from her breasts in embarrassment. Decades of gravity tugging at her cheeks had made her countenance sorrowful and her pants ill-fitting, yet had somehow left her bosom unravaged.
Lorenzo lifted the tent flap to peer outside, and decided it was safe. But after two strides, a pale glow rippling above the strongman’s skin told of his miscalculation as he suddenly froze in place.
“By the crossed eyes of the Jumbo! I am captured!”
Zelda poked her head out of the tent and immediately saw the culprit: a force-projecting depantser, which she recognized by its vermilion tailfeathers as the animal disappeared into the forest. Lorenzo would be fine in a moment, but his pants were gone forever, added to the depantser’s hoard. As Lorenzo blushed, Zelda imagined the cave, filled with great plaid bags of trousers.
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Is it a sea dragon?“There will be no tribunal, Humpries,” Abercrombie said as he dropped the feather in the sand where it joined the coagulating pool of the fortune teller’s blood. “You will be banished and I will simply hire another troupe of acrobatic midgets to take your place.”
Humpries wobbled on his spindly legs. He hadn’t expected to be caught in the act of murder. He had expected time in which to cleverly stage the scene so that the superstitious carnies would all wonder aloud, “Is it a sea dragon? What else could have done this?”
But instead he’d been found out. Humphries couldn’t bear the thought of banishment. He felt that he could already weep from loneliness as he watched Abercrombie stalk away across the beach.
Perhaps, thought Humpries, the sea dragon could leave two victims…
civilians were too nervous to stick aroundThe Overseer came to my section today, on his Knucklehead. I noted how strange and stiff he sat as he rode past me, and how his eyes roamed every inch of me. Instantly, I was chilled to the bone. Roxie nudged me under the table and, having nothing better to do with her time, suggested we work a little congealed bacon grease into our hands. I returned her smile, but inside, my troops were frantically digging trenches. My inner civilians were too nervous to stick around.
embraced this tree and weptThree years ago I ran into this forest, embraced this tree, and wept. Three years ago I caught my boyfriend Larry screwing around with the girls from the nearby private academy. Three years ago I got so mad that the power of my fury was great enough to make rocks fry eggs in a 2 meter diameter circle around me, but when I opened my mouth to give Larry “The Boot,” as they say, something froze me before the sound left my tongue. I have spent the past three years trying to figure out why I couldn’t tell Larry off, and I have concluded that it was possibly due to the polka-dot bow tie he was wearing.
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I have been pregnant for five daysA midnight spot check revealed Denise carrying a white dove and a green hat. When asked to explain herself, she said, “I have been pregnant for five days. He slung the towel over his shoulder, and I heaved him over a hip, and that was all it took.”
finished the baklavaThe perfume wafting up from the bottom bunk smelled almost as pungent as the filthy looking meal in a rusty can they served me for dinner last night. I sneezed repeatedly, which drew the guard’s attention. The malevolent look in his muddy eyes made my hair prickle on my arms and neck. If I had known it would end like this, in this wretched culinary prison, I would have finished the baklava for His Majesty on time!
— and to a lesser extent the cat and the horseHelen had almost finished powdering her nose, which was a noteworthy accomplishment. It looked like nothing so much as a killer whale’s muzzle, broad yet graceful, and packed with needle-sharp teeth.
Lurking in the closet, and watching Helen’s reflection through a gap in the door, the dark brown man felt a strange quiver. He drew a deep breath.
“Be still!” hissed a nearly inaudible voice behind him. Hunkered below the hanging skirts and gowns were two more people, and it was the gawky northerner who’d shushed him. The other, a savage beauty almost as dark as the dark brown man, rolled her exquisite eyes in a meaningful manner. “Exactly!” whispered the doctor, “— and to a lesser extent the cat and the horse!”
drawn and paleHand-drawn and pale-colored stars decorate the clay alien bust that is the centerpiece of the exhibit. Hieronymus Warhol describes the sculpting process like this: “Inspiration — that’s gotta come first, before the clay is ever touched. I had this idea and it was so good it made my teeth sweat, or maybe it was the pain medicine that made ’em sweat. My wife Fiona told me I should stop taking the medicine once my leg had healed so well, but I didn’t listen to her. And it’s a good thing I didn’t.”
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