• fashion vigilantes, out for blood
• That’s how mad I’d be.
• glimpses of other people’s secrets
• kestrel flying over Deptford gasworks
• the so-called “Law of Urination”

Tune in next time part 924      Click Here for Earlier Installments

“Hold on, hold on,” I said to the salamanders. “There’s already too much going in inside me, with the nanobots and all, so I’ll thank you not to throw any mystery pharmaceuticals into the mix right now.”

The wife-a-mander said to the other one, “With the pill in his mouth, he wouldn’t be able to talk.”

“Sir,” said the hubby-mander, “those nanobots are exactly why you need the pill. It will put them into sleep mode to buy us time to help you.”

Help me? The very idea had never occurred to me, that maybe they weren’t enemies. I figured they had to be fashion vigilantes, out for blood over my bold innovations. It had already crossed my mind that they might be spouses not of each other but of some of my many romantic partners. It still wasn’t clear to me why they were salamanders. Maybe they were so mad about the infidelities that this happened. That’s how mad I’d be. Except, Fleur and I had an arrangement, and it was usually me stepping out. So on second thought, I couldn’t imagine being angry enough over it to go full-amphibian.

The pill was in my mouth. I had no idea how it got there, and before I could spit it out there was a glass of water and I was swallowing.

The wife-a-mander sighed. “This is so much hassle just for a few glimpses of other people’s secrets. Better to be a kestrel flying over Deptford gasworks.”

That had to be a Colloquialism, but it wasn’t one I knew. The pill started kicking in, and it was definitely going to put me into sleep mode whether it affected the nanobots or not. The last thing I heard was the hubby-mander using another local expression, this one about the so-called “Law of Urination” and what it meant for my situation.

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• that weird interdimensional thing from the internet
• someone to share a rowboat with
• “Squirrels are sort of cute and fuzzy.
• and then he did some weirdo stuff
• “Give him another pill.”

Tune in next time part 922      Click Here for Earlier Installments

I was having so much trouble remembering names, soon I might forget my own.

“I see you found my hint,” said the unknown person behind the shower curtain. “Took you long enough. Now, pass it in here so I can put it on.”

“Hang on,” I said. “We both want something, and if I give you this then I’ll lose what little leverage I have, and you won’t give me the phone.” A thought hit me. “Which you obviously don’t have anyway, because if you could control these nanobots then I wouldn’t be able to refuse your demand. Shit.”

“Actually, we both want the same thing,” he said. “That phone. It has many dangerous apps, including one that opens up that weird interdimensional thing from the internet, and a rideshare app that only lets you call someone to share a rowboat with. Now, pass me the vrobe and let’s get moving.”

I pondered. There was no reason for me to believe anything he said, and he’d just admitted that he didn’t have what I needed. And yet, it did seem like there was some connection here, that he could help me unlock my own past. I stared at the vrobe. With it, my new acquaintance could cover himself up. Covering things up was the reverse of what I wanted. So I said, “Squirrels are sort of cute and fuzzy. What about you? Why not just come on out?”

He cursed under his breath, and then he did some weirdo stuff that I couldn’t see but it sounded super weird, and then the drain started gurgling. After a minute, it fell silent.

“Hello?” I called. I whipped the shower curtain aside to discover no one was there.

One of the salamanders on the wall said to the one beside it, “Give him another pill.”

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• Then I put them back.
• arrived in 8 large boxes
• what they’ve done to my father’s koi
• as far as my layman’s eye could see
• can’t you hear the thunder?

Tune in next time part 920      Click Here for Earlier Installments

“Listen,” the mysterious man in the bathtub sighed, “I know what you’re looking for. That is, I know who you’re looking for, and it’s not me. Or, not just me.” He let out another heavy sigh. “I did take some of your memories. Then I put them back. I only borrowed them, and made copies of parts of them. I ordered a printout and it arrived in 8 large boxes.”

“Why won’t you show yourself?” I demanded. “You hide behind that shower curtain, and you tell me you tampered with my mind, yet it sounds like you want me to trust you. I’d sooner trust the Sashimi Shadow Warriors, despite them being ninjas, and even after what they’ve done to my father’s koi.”

“Your father never had any koi. Whoever else messed with your memories must have added that to overwrite our partnership. It had to have been done later, because there was nothing amiss in the whole 8 boxes of data as far as my layman’s eye could see.”

It was my turn to sigh. “Do you or do you not have the phone that controls the nanobots?”

“Let me answer with another question: can’t you hear the thunder?”

It was a trigger phrase, and it was doing something, whether to me or to the nanobots I wasn’t sure. All I knew was that a bizarre, dizzying sensation was welling up from somewhere and I was afraid to find out what it meant.

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• discovered I was married to a different person
• taste like “nature’s candy”
• Because I am my own worst enemy.
• make the “magic” happen?
• penmanship skills

Tune in next time part 919      Click Here for Earlier Installments

Curse these nanobots! I had to get rid of them before I lost any more memories, or discovered I was married to a different person in addition to the several I was already married to. Bjorn, or whoever it was behind the shower curtain, chuckled. “Anyone ever tell you that confusion looks good on you? It makes you look like you taste like “nature’s candy”, if you know what I mean.”

“Tell me what you mean,” I said. Because I am my own worst enemy.

“Why don’t you join me in the shower and we’ll make the “magic” happen?”

This dude spoke with so many air-quotes, he must be a native Colloquillian. I decided two could play at that game. “Will you show me your “penmanship skills?” I purred.

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• pulverize it with my powerful molars
• fetish for mythical cephalopods
• almost obscenely plush
• it just kept going up
• referred to them as frogs instead of salamanders

Tune in next time part 916      Click Here for Earlier Installments

When I’d solo-tangoed to the opposite side of the steam bath, my hand involuntarily reached out to touch the wall. My thumb and fingertips clasped a loose section of mortar between some moldy bricks and started wiggling and tugging on it. The idea that the person controlling the nanobots — and thereby controlling my fudging mouth — would force me to chew on that gritty chunk of cement and pulverize it with my powerful molars was revolting and terrifying.

But, when it came free I simply dropped it and began scrabbling around the other edges of that same brick. Soon it was loosened and my hands drew it out of the wall. I watched as my hands turned it around to reveal strange carved runes, and a tiny keyhole shaped like a squid. I felt something shift inside the hollow brick. Was it a secret storage compartment for the marital aid of someone with a fetish for mythical cephalopods? Without the weird key, it seemed unlikely I would be finding out.

The next unbidden thing my hands did was root through the fanny pack. My fingers brushed against the socks inside, and compared to the clammy brick they felt almost obscenely plush and soft. In the toe of one of the socks there turned out to be a key, and of course it resembled a squid. But, I still didn’t find out what was inside the brick-box because my desire to try the key was overridden by the nanobots. And another word clanged through my skull: “Climb.”

I didn’t know what to make of that command, for the only stairs were descending. It was toward those stairs that my feet carried me, but when I reached them my hand found a knob that released a sliding wall panel. Behind that panel was another staircase, and it just kept going up and up as far as I could see. As I trudged up the slimy steps, I spotted spotted creatures skittering on the walls. I recognized the species immediately, but the heads-up targeting display being generated by the nanobots and sent back to the control app referred to them as frogs instead of salamanders, or even newts. Why would Ursula allow such a weird bug to sneak into her code?

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