Anyone Who Came Upon Me
if the raccoons *did* escape- no record of it in the archives
- life without mayonnaise
- and everything was frozen!
- as edgy as a beachball
Tune in next time part 878 Click Here for Earlier Installments
Anyone who came upon me and Small Dennis in the midst of our tussle would have thought they were seeing a dozen raccoons trying to fight their way out of the slipcover for a tacky loveseat. That’s not just idle speculation on my part, but based on how eyewitnesses reacted to an incident at a county fair in Dubuque in the seventies, which one of my classmates recreated with actual raccoons for the Academy’s science fair. She got an A, but if the raccoons *did* escape there’s no record of it in the archives.
“Is it worth all this mayhem?” I asked while being pummeled by Small Dennis’s small fists. “Just to carry on an affair?”
“What? No!” Small Dennis cried. “This is a real mission, and if it fails you’ll need to get used to life without mayonnaise, like back before civilization when you’d get chased by sabertooths and everything was frozen!”
“Are you sure it’s not saberteeth?”
“Just stop interfering.” He dropped his voice to a growl. “Let me finish the job.”
I knew he was trying to sound all dramatic, but Small Dennis is about as edgy as a beachball so I couldn’t take him seriously.
bonus points for using them in order, plus super-bonus points for keeping us in the fucking horse costume