“And What Sort of Uniqueness Do You Bring to the Festivities?”
“Valentina, your hands are a distraction.”- biggest snake ever
- under the covers late into the night
- you’re supposed to throw the first pancake away
- I appreciate the tongue being so firmly in the cheek
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“And what sort of uniqueness do you bring to the festivities?” I asked.
“I’m double-jointed!” Dr Ferguson demonstrated, flexing and contorting her fingers into many unnatural positions.
The speaker in the ceiling crackled. “Valentina, your hands are a distraction.”
Valentina Ferguson’s digits all snapped back into human-like shape and she glared up at one of the cameras. “I realize he doesn’t have the biggest snake ever seen on this show, but there’s no way my hands were obscuring it completely.”
Had she just insulted my genitals?
“Valentina, please,” the ceiling voice griped. “Get on with it.”
Valentina turned back to me. “He never complains about my fingers when we’re naked together under the covers late into the night.”
“For the show?”
“Of course not! He’s my second husband.” She wiggled her left ring finger in front of my face like an eel. “I don’t have a wedding ring because it just wouldn’t stay on.”
I eyed her hypnotic digits. “What happened to your first husband?”
“Husbands are a lot like pancakes.” She laughed at my confusion. “You’re supposed to throw the first pancake away.”
“Get on with it!” shrieked the ceiling.
Valentina shrugged and planted an openmouthed kiss on me. She tasted vaguely of my toes, but that was an improvement over the slug from earlier.
From the speaker in the ceiling, her husband gave direction. “I appreciate the tongue being so firmly in the cheek. Keep it there as the slugs are applied.”
bonus points for using them in order