I Knew it Was Lazy and Cowardly

• the aforementioned vile little fish
• technically speaking, you could share a hot dog
• souvenir DVD for no extra charge
• Sushi on a Shingle
• constant flatulence

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I knew it was lazy and cowardly of me to say that my children were better off not knowing me, but that didn’t make it incorrect. Television shows are filled with sappy scenarios where the offspring love their decrepit father despite his constant flatulence, and respect him even though his “job” is serving up expired anchovies on stale saltines at a gas station where it’s listed as Sushi on a Shingle. And too often it’s the kind of show that does cheesy stuff to break the fourth wall, like giving the gas station’s customers a souvenir DVD for no extra charge — a DVD of its own previous season. And while, technically speaking, you could share a hot dog with such a dad on his lunch break, you wouldn’t because his fingers would perpetually stink of the aforementioned vile little fish.

Jim was nudging me in the ribs, calling me back from my introspection. I blinked at the stage, realizing I did not recognize the talent show’s next contestant.

bonus points for using them in reverse order

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