As The Music Started

• with a professional eye
• “One of your lovers?”
• hiding the salami, and not with any degree of deftness
• talking about your wife’s pussy in public
• stroked the back of her hand over its rough surface

Tune in next time part 698      Click Here for Earlier Installments

As the music started, I gazed with a professional eye — an eye trained in espionage — at the door at the far end of the aisle. A man in a green tuxedo, his face obscured by a long-beaked medieval doctor’s mask under a top hat, entered and began a stately march in my direction.

I traced an imaginary beak in front of my own face, then gestured to the stuffed vulture above the altar. “One of your lovers?” I quipped. I knew it wouldn’t count as enough of a joke, but it did seem to loosen up the room a little. I launched into the first zany story I could think of before I lost my nerve. “On the way here I stopped for a sandwich, but the clerk at the deli was hiding the salami, and not with any degree of deftness. His pants were too tight.” I had no way of knowing what the groom made of that, but there were a few chuckles from other guests. The groom simply maintained his unhurried pace down the aisle.

“Does the bride happen to own a cat?” I asked, directing the question at the groom. “I hope so, because I’m looking forward to talking about your wife’s pussy in public.”

The creepy green-tuxed figure halted about an arm’s length away. He was utterly silent and still, which meant he could be neither laughing nor stabbing me. While I considered my impending fate, the music stopped and the veiled bride started her own steady advance toward the altar. The church was eerily quiet.

When she was near enough, I could recognize the bride’s face through the white lace that covered it.

“Mother?” I exclaimed.

The groom turned his head her way, swinging the pointy mask an inch from her nose. She reached up and stroked the back of her hand over its rough surface.

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