My Advice
zooming off into the sky- “Dreadful — dreadful!” said Jingle, looking very grave.
- and while they smell terrible
- the third sign was unmistakable
- apparent vigor of her husband’s sperm
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My advice to anyone hoping to escape a chain of islands would be to make sure the zeppelin isn’t stuffed with crying babies before zooming off into the sky, and also to verify where it is exactly that you’re escaping to. Fleur had disappeared into the chaos of the Toboggan Club’s members and those members’ many babies. My attempt to calm them by informing them about reptiles was meeting limited success.
Another unfamiliar face approached carrying an infant. I refused to believe that I would forget so many women with whom I’d had children.
“I hope this doesn’t offend you,” I said. “But, what’s your name?”
She smirked. “My name is Jingle,” she hollered over the din. “And don’t worry, we’ve never met. I’m a nanny.”
“Thank goodness,” I yelled back. “Can you point me to the bridge? I really need to get off this thing before it returns to Contraria.”
“Dreadful — dreadful!” said Jingle, looking very grave. “I myself wouldn’t be going there if I weren’t so devoted to the children. I’ve learned to pick up on the signs that they’re fond of me also. The first two signs are of course smiling and clapping, and while they smell terrible I found the third sign was unmistakable — why, it’s how they show their utter dependence on me.”
Sensing I’d get no help here, I turned to seek a passageway that might lead to the vessel’s controls. What I found instead was the last person I expected to see, saying the last thing I expected to hear, although I should have learned by now not to be surprised.
“Makes you wonder what kind of wife would compile such a tribute to the apparent vigor of her husband’s sperm.”
bonus points for using them in order