“Oh I Might Have Guessed”
drank from watermelon cups- got worse, but not loquacious
- , unless you’re talking about economics,
- (regular showers for example)
- inclined his head towards his leader
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“Oh, I might have guessed you were messed up in this!” Tesla hissed.
Tessa laughed. Being directly between them, I wasn’t seeing anything funny about the situation. Tesla advanced with murder in her eyes, and my only thoughts were to protect Tessa. But she just laughed again. Tesla reached my position and I barred her way, but she just didn’t stop walking and I was pushed backwards helplessly. Her strength was inhuman, yet the target of her wrath kept giggling.
Mimes staggered in random directions in the leaping firelight, arms flung out, all of them having forgotten to take off their imaginary blindfolds. It looked like we had desecrated a secret mime burial ground and triggered its ancient protective curse.
“Tessa, run!” I grunted.
Instead, she cleared her throat and chanted, “The penguins wished for bamboo tusks until they drank from watermelon cups.”
Tesla stopped and stood as if at attention.
“Meet the Teslabot,” Tessa said. “She built the Tessabot.”
“You mean Tesla built the bots?”
“No. The Teslabot built the Tessabot. I don’t know who built the Teslabot. I just know some of its verbal commands.”
“Okay,” I said. “Now that the sisters are under control, maybe the brothers should figure out their deal. Jupiter and Jove would be shocked to know you’re here, Jason.”
“I bet they’re disappointed they didn’t get to sacrifice you,” he lisped back at me. “Come to think of it, this whole ritual is pointless if you’re still alive. But the scrying scrolls are quite clear about what must happen now. A rap battle. The final rap battle.”
“Ah shit, Jason. Don’t say it.”
“Rap-narok!”
“He’s right,” Tessa said unhelpfully.
Jason launched his attack, the zombified mimes laying down his beats with their plodding footsteps.
“Makin’ friends all around because I’m always vivacious,
while your solitude got worse, but not loquacious,
with no one to talk to and nobody for a chat,
you’re a hopeless case with a ridiculous hat.”
I countered instinctively, and although my voice was strong, terror gripped me at what might happen if those scrolls somehow proved accurate.
“My hat is nonexistent, just a rumor you started
and as I’m sure you know this rhyme is only half-hearted.
There’s no way you’ll win, not with all your hand-me-down tricks,
I already lost interest, unless you’re talking about economics,
Your list of defects goes on and on and your delusions are ample.
It’s stuff most people find easy (regular showers for example).”
We slung such cumbersome insults back and forth for an hour, our couplets gaining syllables with every exchange. I couldn’t stop. The words used me as their gateway into the world, and I was exhausted from the strain. Jason and I both panted, awaiting some indication of the verdict. The mimes abruptly halted their rhythmic shambling. They all reached behind their heads to untie their blindfolds, and in perfect unison each mime inclined his head towards his leader.
bonus points for using them in order